The Life & Times of Sara Sidle
by QTR
Summary: Sara Sidle has a college reading level. She is studying twelfth grade calculus. And she is twelve years old. Now complete.
1. August 12, 1984

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Sara Sidle is an obsessive workaholic and a clean freak. She has a college reading level and is studying twelth grade calculus. And she's 12-years-old.**

**August 12, 1984**

Sara walked through the halls of her rather tiny home. It was old and in certain places of the house, mold was forming and spreading further. She was intrigued by the mold and she had even asked her mother if she could get some to observe, but her mother of course said no.

She walked into the kitchen of her house and sat down. The smell of bacon and eggs filled throughout the house and her mother walked over to her daughter handing her a plate.

"There's your plate."

She looked down at the plate. "Mom...there's green peppers in these eggs."

Her mother turned to face her. "Of course, dear."

"I'm _allergic _to green peppers, mother."

Her mom sighed as she mentally slapped herself in the face. "I'm sorry, honey."

Sara sighed, twiddling her fingers on the table. "Mom?"

"Hm?"

"How old am I?"

"You're 10, of course."

That was it. She walked out of the kitchen to her bedroom. She grabbed her backpack and threw three books in it before heading to the front door.

"I'm going to school," she said in nothing more than a mumble. Before her mother could say anything else, she slammed the door. She sighed as she headed outside. It was cold that morning. She wrapped her arms around herself attempting to warm herself up. Her attempts were in vain.

During the walk to school, Sara always thought. Not about anything in particular...she contemplated the events in her life and what she was in for at school. She dreaded going to school. She was away from her parents, but she was at the mercy of the little devil spawns- the other students. She walked and walked, a bile forming in her throat with every step. Every step took her closer and closer to school. Kids wouldn't leave her alone. They didn't understand her ways of thinking, just like her parents. She couldn't believe how they acted- so carefree, so loose. How could the do that? Life wasn't all fun and games, something Sara Mare Sidle learned at a young age.

Hey, at least she made the school proud- when testing season came along, the teachers and principals were flattered when they saw young Sara Sidle's test results. The school got more money, which meant a possible raise in their futures. They praised Sara and gave her little gifts. Last time, she got a sticker with a smiling rabbit that said, "Good job!" Sara was more interested in why a rabbit would be telling her she did a good job. And why was the rabbit so cheery in the first place? What did he have in life that made him happy?

She decided that the rabbit must've lived a good life. Maybe he had a wife and children who he went home to every night who loved him very much. She bet he had a wonderful dinner and snuggled with his children, telling them stories before he went to sleep with his adoring wife.

At the moment, Sara was getting closer and closer to school. She was knocked out of her thoughts when she heard wheels coming up behind her. She stopped and she turned around coming face-to-face with a kid her age, but about twice her size.

"What do you want, Josh?"

He laughed as he jumped off of his skateboard. "Why so cold, Sidle?"

She sighed as she rolled her eyes. She hated it when he called her by her surname. Really, to tell the truth, she wanted nothing to do with the Sidle family. She wanted nothing to do with the name 'Sidle'. She wanted to change her name. Yes, that's what she would do. When she made it to college, she would officially change her name.

"Leave me alone, Josh."

"Aww, come on, Sara!"

"Oh, so now I'm worthy of the mighty Josh Deckard to be called by my first name?"

"Don't do this, Sara."

"I'm not doing anything but walking to school and getting away from you."

She turned to walk to the school, but he followed behind her on his skateboard. "You're a bitch."

He skated ahead of her finally leaving her sight and she sighed in relief. Josh Deckard was a jock-in-training. His parents thought he was the best thing that ever happened to them, heck they worshipped the ground he walked on. Sara wanted to go over to Josh's house, slap both parents in the face, and tell them the truth- that their lovely prodigy was a bratty, lying, snotty little runt.

This brought a smile to her face as she stepped onto school grounds. Then, her smile disappeared. She looked up at the old sign with faded white writing that said, "Mountain Peak Middle School." She hated Mountain Peak Middle School, and why was it named that anyways? She lived in Tamales Bay, for goodness sake.

She walked through the school, feeling eyes latching onto her. She ignored them as best she could, but she felt their eyes burning through the back of her head. She grimaced as she walked away quickly and went to her locker in the hallway. She twisted the lock right and left until it clicked off of her locker door. Her combination was simple- 1-9-0-8. She could remember that forever.

She opened her locker and smiled to herself. It was very organized. On the locker door, her schedule was taped. She had various books alphaphatized stacked up in her locker on each shelf. On one shelf was non-fiction, the other fiction. The titles varied from _Famous Poets of the Seventeenth Century_ to _To Kill a Mockingbird._ She emptied her backpack of its contents, placing her lunch in its brown paper bag between the shelves and the textbooks she brought from home. She put the books in their rightful places before grabbing _To Kill a Mockingbird. _She would read that at lunch, she decided. She closed the locker, and after hearing the satisfying click of the lock when she re-locked her locker, she walked off to her first class.

The first class was English. She had never been too keen of her English teacher, he was an old man with thick glasses and clothes that made him look like he had dressed himself in the dark. He had ugly greenish-yellow teeth and his voice was hoarse and crackily. He had ugly socks and his pant-legs were too short for him, so his hideous socks showed.

"Sara, hello."

She looked up to see her teacher sitting at his desk with a smile on his face. She looked around and saw that she was the only one in the classroom.

"Hello, Mr. Wickerman."

He smiled. "What book do you have there?"

"Oh, uh..." she fumbled with her things until she got to the book and held it up for him to see.

"Ah...a classic. Enjoy."

Mr. Wickerman wasn't the cleanest man in the world, but he certainly treated Sara like the true adult she was. She smiled and nodded. "Thank you, Mr. Wickerman, I'm sure I will."

She walked to the back of the class and sat in the seat at the far corner. This was her favorite spot. This way, she could read when she had already heard the lectures before, and when she was crying no one could see or hear her.

She opened up her book and began reading the first page.

FADE IN

EXTERIOR: MAYCOMB, ALABAMA, DAYBREAK.

_It is just before dawn, and in the half-light cotton farms, pinewoods, the hills surrounding the Maycomb, and the Courthouse Square are seen. A young woman's voice is heard._

Before Sara could get any further through her book, the door flew open and the rest of the students ran into the room. They all kept their distances from Sara, and that was best, Sara decided. This made them happy, this made her happy. This way, she could avoid social contact withthe students. She closed the book as the day began.

In an hour, Sara would go to her history class and then PE. She hated PE. She hated it with every fiber of her being. She hated it so much because she hated physical activities. She didn't need to prove herself to anyone by kicking a soccer ball or hitting a baseball.

She also hated the fact that she had to change out in front of the other girls. Why did they do that? Why could they not go to PE in the clothes they wore to school? Why? She just didn't understand.

Sara's thoughts went to her birthday coming up. She sighed- would her parents even remember? Her mother thought she was 10-years-old, she doubted they would remember her birthday coming up. She never really had a normal birthday anyway...she found out long ago that what her mother and father did to each other behind closed doors wasn't normal. She learned that beating each other to a bloody pulp was very much indeed not a way of telling each other 'I love you'.

On her past birthdays, she woke up early in the mornings. She was excited- she expected a big homemade birthday cake with all the candles and sprinkles on it, and lots of presents. Last year, she got a small cake her father brought home after work. It was a carrot cake- Sara hated carrot cake. He put seven candles on it. She told him she was turning 11 and he ruffled her hair telling her she was just a silly little kid wanting to grow up. She knew from then on she wouldn't expect any presents on her birthday or any cake for that matter. Her parents were too busy beating the crap out of each other to notice they had a daughter.

And her brother moved away the second he turned 18. He had nothing else to do with his family now, and he didn't seem to care about his baby sister being left in the uncapable hands of Laura and John Sidle. She wondered if he was mad at her for ratting him out all those years about the weed under his bed. She had no idea what it was, she was playing hide-and-seek and ran into his room. She hid under his bed and saw the bag. She was so young, bless her heart she thought it was dirt. It was marijuana, and her brother, Daniel Sidle was grounded for a year.

"Sara?"

She looked up from her desk. All eyes were on her, some glaring at her and some looking at her like she was crazy.

"Uh...yes, Mr. Wickerman?"

The old man smiled. "Could you explain to us the differences between an antagonist and a protagonist?"

She slowly nodded. "An antagonist is basically the villain or the evil character in the story. The protangonist is the good character, and those who usually try to stop the antagonist."

He nodded. "Nice job, Sara." He turned to the class. "Now, I know you have all been told this before, but what scares me is that you all seem to forget about the definitions of these two terms on tests!"

Sara smiled, holding back the urge to laugh. He winked at her before turning back to the rest of the class. "We're having a test Thursday morning. Don't. Forget. Again."

The class ended. Sara walked to the front of the class after the classroom was emptied and she smiled at her teacher before walking out.

She thought again. How was her brother? Did he go to college? Was he still on weed? What if he was a junkie? Would she ever see him again? Would-

Someone bumped into her and sent her to the ground.

"Watch it, Sidle!" said an older girl. Sara sighed as she got up picking up her books. She didn't understand why everyone called her by her surname, she hated it, that was for sure.

She walked to her history class. She despised her history teacher. She hated her so much. The woman had long black hair and shiny green eyes. They freaked her out. She dreaded asking her teacher for help on an assignment because of the fact. The woman was like the bad witch in the Wizard of Oz, except she didn't have green skin. Some days, though, Sara could've sworn her skin had a green tint to it.

Sara went to the seat in the far corner yet again. She took her seat and hugged the book against her chest. She held onto the book as tightly as she could, as if it would break if she let go. She lowered her head. She was so tired, and she wanted so badly to fall asleep. She closed her eyes and lowered her head more so that it just hovered over the desk. She was not about to lay her head on that desk, it was unsanitary.

More and more students walked in through the doors and took seats away from Sara. Again, she didn't care. It also gave her time to think, to clear her mind. Sometimes she even meditated, it helped her ease her mind of the events of the day before. She was hoping that history class would be extra long today since she had PE right after it.

Bringing her mind back to PE, she had no idea that the bell had already rang. Great, it was time for PE already. She sighed as she stood up from her chair and walked out. She avoided the glances she got from the students she walked passed and went straight to the girl's locker room. She was the first one there, luckily. She ran inside and opened up her locker taking out her PE clothes. She kept two pairs of shoes and two pairs of clothes for PE in her locker. She slipped off her sneakers and tied her tennis shoes to her feet after slipping on a pair of black shorts. She hated shorts- they showed off her legs and she hated the sight of her legs. She slipped on a purple tank top and looked at herself in the mirror. The sight she saw made her want to gag.

On her legs were two nice purple bruises forming around her calves. She looked at her arms- she had no idea they were so banged up. They were turning black and blue. She hadn't seen this before, today. She then remembered she had worn a long-sleeved t-shirt that day. She walked over to her locker, looking frantically around for something else to wear- pants! She needed pants! She could make up something to explain the bruises on her arms, but if she said she got the bruises from a fall on her legs too, it would sound fishy.

"Damn," she muttered.

Sara rarely sweared, but at this moment it was appropriate. She couldn't find any pants. She was going to have to go out there looking like she had been hit by a car.

"Alright, two captains, pick your teams."

The PE teacher was in a cheery mood. He picked two team captains. We were going to play flag football, great.

"Alright, Alyssa, Jeff, get up here."

The two team captains ran up to the front of the group of kids. They quickly picked out the kids for their teams, and Alyssa grimaced as she noticed Sara was the last person there. Sara was on her team. _Her_ team. She couldn't believe it- her team_ always _won. She wasn't going to let Sara ruin her winning-streak.

"Hey Sidle," Alyssa said walking over to her.

Sara was dreading this. "What?"

"Stay out of the way and let the real athletes do their work."

She shrugged. "Whatever you say."

"You can go read or something."

This made Sara want to slug her across her face, but she refrained from doing so. Everyone tied the orange and green sashes onto their waists and the whistle was blown. Sara was happy no one had said anything about her bruises.

"Oof!"

Sara went down. Three guys toppled over on top of her followed by two of the more muscular girls in the class. She couldn't breathe.

"Hey! Get off, now!" This was the coach. Oh, so _now _he was concerned.

Everyone rolled off of Sara and she gasped for breath when she sat up. The coach saw her bruises and grimaced. "Sara, go to the nurse."

Sara walked off, limping as she did so the nurse's office. When she arrived at the white, surprisingly sterile room. She took a seat and the nurse saw her and smiled.

"Hello, Sara."

She was sent to the nurse's office a lot. She always ended up getting hurt during PE or in a scuffle in the hallway. She learned to make friends with the nurse, she was a fairly nice lady.

"What's wrong, hon?"

Sara's expression changed. "Uh..."

She looked at the bruises all over her body and grimaced. "Oh, honey...what happened?"

"I got tackled during football."

"Just now?"

She nodded. The woman knew better. These bruises were older than a few days, but their colors were still dark and clearly visible. She shook her head. "Sara..."

"I'm telling you the truth."

The woman sighed. "If you're really telling me the truth..."

"I am."

She nodded. "Alright."

Sara stood up and began to walk out, but she collapsed into the chair. "My ankle hurts."

The woman removed her sock and looked at the swelling skin. "It's just sprained, don't worry."

Sara nodded and walked out of the nurse's office, limping a bit. Luckily, lunchttime was next. She quickly made her way to the girl's locker room where she changed and went to her locker in the hallway and grabbed her lunch. She grabbed her book from its hiding place in the girl's locker room, making a second stop there, and almost ran to the lunchroom.

She sat in the corner of the room at a small table with wobbily legs. She opened the book as she took a bite of her ham and cheese sandwich and sipped her apple juice. Sara didn't believe in unhealthy lunches, it just wasn't her.

She continued reading the book until her lunch was completely eaten. The bell rang much too quickly and she had to go to her other classes now. She assured herself that she would only be here for a few more hours, and then would be gone. That wasn't very reassuring.

Home was in a way worse than school. At home, she sat isolated in her room, occasionally seeking the comfort of the darkness and quietness that was in her closet. She dreaded her father coming home. When she was younger, he was a better man than he was now. Now, the second the door opened, the fighting began.

Her mother was always cooking dinner. She hated her husband, yet she cooked a good meal for him every night. After the yelling had began, the fists would start flying. Her mother would fall to the floor with a black-eye and her father would be ready to throw another punch. Sara always tried to intervene, but all that got her was a bruised shoulder or an even worse beating if her father was really pissed.

Sara walked to her other classes and sat in silence taking notes every now and then. She didn't know what to do anymore- her life went around in circles.


	2. August 12, 1984 3:45 pm

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I am still sitting her in my room running on caffeinated beverages to write fanfiction- and I'm not going anywhere any time soon! I own nothing, don't sue, please!**

**August 12, 1984- 3:45 pm**

Sara walked into her home after a long day at school. She looked around the house- some books and newspapers lying here and there. Her mother had cleaned that day. She went straight for her room after muttering a simple, "I'm home" and closed the door. She slipped off her shoes and sat down on the floor, emptying her backpack of its contents. She removed her book and the little homework she had and began working on it.

_"In the third stage of evolution..."_ she sighed as she began reading in her science book the things she already knew. She closed the book and removed _To Kill a Mockingbird. _She hadn't gotten as far as she would've liked at school that day, so she opened it and began reading.

She didn't even mean for it to happen, but her mind wandered to other places. School, what happened at PE, what would happen at 6:00 when her father stepped through the door probably groping some bimbo he picked up at a bar. Yes, that's right. Sara knew that her father went parading around with hookers and people he was 20 years older than. Her mother never said anything about the women he came home with _while _they were at the house. That would be _impolite_. When the women finally left the house, which could be anywhere from 8:00 pm to 4:00 am, the fighting began just like any other day.

Sara hated the women he came home with. They were just happy they were getting money- her father was in it for the sex. Sara was disgusted that he could spend anywhere from 500 to 1000 dollars just to get some. They were losing money as it was, he was just speeding up the inevitable.

Sara wanted to go to college- Harvard. She wanted to become a crime scene investigator since she was always interested in criminal justice. She was intrigued by the fact that a rapist or a murderer could be convicted by the evidence collected at the scene of a crime taken to a lab and processed. Science convicted them. She found that very interesting indeed.

"Sara?"

Her mother's voice made her look up from the book she wasn't exactly reading at the moment. "Mother?"

"Your father's coming home tonight with one of his friends. I want you to mind your manners at dinner."

Mind her manners? Did her mother have _any _idea what she was telling her daughter to do? She was going to act nice to some woman her father picked up off the street just to anger his wife? Yeah, sure- like that would ever happen.

"Yes, mother."

That was a lie, of course. She would act whatever way she wanted to. If she pissed off that hooker, see if Sara cared. Her father would care, that was for sure, but she would give that woman hell.

Sara closed the book, deciding she would think instead of read that day. She looked around her room- it was cream-colored, however some of the paint was starting to chip off. She looked around and saw a stuffed blue hippo. For so many years that blue hippo had been her best friend. In the worst of times, she hugged that little stuffed animal while she sat in the floor curled up a tiny ball. She loved that blue hippo, and she was never going to get rid of it, no matter how old she got.

She got up and looked at the pictures on her walls- pictures of her as a little kid running around all smiles. These weren't forced smiles, these were real smiles. She used to be a care-free kid with no troubles at all in the world. She thought she was living the life of a god, but boy did things change once she got to school.

Her parents had opened a B & B which quickly went under. Her father started drinking and came home later and later. Things went from bad to worse. The fighting got worse, the fists started flying, and the trips to the hospital began. She wished for once in her life she could be considered normal. Maybe she could live like a normal kid- playing with toys and running around day after day with no cares in the world. Sara decided she could never do this. Never.

The door opened- it was already 6:00? Sara walked over to her door and slowly slid it open. She peeked through the small crack she had made and saw her father stumble in through the entry-way. She sighed as she made her way out of her room for a better look. After her father, a rather tiny woman wearing almost nothing walked in through the door with a long cigarette between her fingers.

"This is where you live?" Sara heard the woman ask after taking a long drag.

"Yup, this is home." Her father wrapped an arm around the woman's waist as she blew a puff of smoke into his face. Sara grimaced.

"Laura?"

Her father walked through the house looking for her mother. Her mother walked out of the kitchen wiping her hands on a towel. Sara could tell her mother was furious that her husband brought home another woman _again, _but she forced a smile across her face and welcomed the lady. "Hello."

Sara gulped. Now it was time for the daughter's entrance. She wasn't at a fancy ball waiting for prince charming, oh no. She was going to go welcome some bimbo her father had brought home for kicks. Sara slowly (against her will) made her way to the living room where she spotted the small group. The woman had heavy make-up on, most of it not necessary for her appearance, and she had on a short dress that showed off her legs. She wore black heels and had long blonde hair.

"This your kid?"

Her father nodded with a smile on his face. Sara could tell the smile was forced. He was just as angry as her mother was, and he was just doing this to annoy and piss her off.

"Hello," Sara said in a kind but forced tone.

The woman nodded and took a long drag before blowing the smoke in Sara's face. She coughed and the woman turned to her father. "Anywhere I can put this out?" she motioned to the cigarette. Her father nodded and led her into the kitchen showing her an ashtray.

_Those will kill you, sweetheart, _Sara thought. She had to refrain from actually saying this to the woman's face which was harder than it sounded. Sara walked into the kitchen. The woman looked at her.

"Hey kid, be a doll and put these somewhere."

The woman handed Sara everything- her purse, her coat, her extra pairs of shoes, her make-up bag, her wallet, everything. Sara walked out of the kitchen and when the woman wasn't looking, she threw the items onto the couch, not caring if she broke anything. To be truthful, she was hoping that she had.

She walked back into the kitchen and took a seat. Her mother brought over the plates and placed them on the table. She also brought some drinks and then took a seat herself. "So...John, who is this lovely lady?" Sara almost burst out laughing. Almost. She knew her mother meant the exact opposite of what she was saying, but she couldn't let the other woman know the true nature of her family, no matter what.

Her father smiled. "Well..." he folded his arms over each other with pride. "Her name is Jaqueline."

Jaqueline. Huh. She didn't look like a Jaqueline.

"Nice to meet you, Jaqueline," her mother said.

_Nice to meet you, you bimbo. What'd you get when you graduated from high school, huh? Breast implants? I'm sorry, you didn't graduate from high school, did you?_ Sara smiled to herself at her own thoughts.

The rest of the meal was silent except for the moments her father bragged with pride about how 'wonderful' Jaqueline was. Oh yes, let's all be like Jaqueline. _Everyone _wants to be like Jaqueline. Sara knew _that's _what she wanted to do for a living. Tch, yeah right.

After a while, Jaqueline finally left after giving Sara's father a nice kiss on the lips. Sara grimaced as she watched the two and then sighed when she finally left. Now, the fighting began.

"So...John, I didn't know you were so desperate for sex you had bring home some bimbo to your wife and daughter."

This was the same statement her mother used every time he brought home another woman. This time, however, she remembered to include Sara in the conversation.

"You're just jealous, Laura."

Her mother laughed. "Jealous? Jealous of what? Answer that for me, John."

This wasn't going well. Her father was getting angrier by the second and her mother didn't know when to stop.

"I don't even know why I married, you," he said.

"Well, you're stuck with me. For better or worse."

"I could always divorce your ass."

"And leave your daughter?"

"I don't need my daughter, I don't need you. I'd be better off without both of you."

Sara felt her hand balling into a fist, her knuckles were turning white. She hated it when they remembered they had a daughter and thus brought her into the conversation.

"I'm right _here, _dad," Sara said walking into the living room.

Her father turned to her. "Oh, hey kiddo."

"Don't try and make it sound like you didn't do anything, dad!" Sara yelled. "I heard what you said about me!"

He sighed. "Sara..."

"I'm sick of you bringing home these hookers, dad! I'm sick of it! I'm sick of you ignoring me, I'm sick of everyone forgetting they have a child, I'm sick of you two forgetting I have a birthday!"

Her father slapped her across the face. "I give you everything, you hear me? Everything!"

She looked up at him in defiance. "Yes, I'm sorry, I forgot how wonderful you have been all these years! I'm sorry I didn't treat you better!"

Her father slapped her again and Sara could taste the blood in her mouth. Before he could hit her again, her mother jumped in. "John! You leave her out of this, this is between you and me!"

Sara looked at her mom in disbelief- she always said that, yet she used her daughter as a topic of conversation in their arguments.

"Fine!" Her father grabbed Sara by her arm and threw her in her room, slamming the door. Sara slid to the floor hugging her knees- this was it. The fighting had started and it wasn't going to stop for hours. Sara grabbed her stuffed blue hippo and squeezed it. This was what she did to comfort herself when they started in. She felt the tears forming in her eyes, yet she refused to let them fall.

She heard her mother fall to the floor and her father storm out of the room. Her door flew open and she saw her father looking at her, furious.

"Leave me alone, dad! Just go bang some other woman and stay the hell away from me!"

Sara said that? She said that? Sara, of all people said that. Her father struck her across her face and she fell to the floor rubbing the skin he had bruised. He kicked her one time before walking out of the house and slamming the door behind him. Sara crawled into the living room to find her mother doing the dishes, ignoring the swollen-shut eye she had. Sara walked into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror- her face was now bruised and her lip was bleeding slightly. She wiped the blood off of her mouth with a wash cloth before rinsing out her mouth and went back into her room. She hugged her knees to her chest, wishing for it all to just disappear.


	3. September 1, 1984

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: And I am _still _sitting here in my room running on caffeinated beverages to write fanfiction! Don't sue!**

**September 1, 1984**

School wasn't going over too well. She tried to hide her injuries as best as she could, but she wasn't doing a very good job of it. Surprisingly, though, Child Services had _not _been called into the picture.

Sara paced back and forth through her room, her hands folded behind her back as she walked. It was cloudy and her room was dark except for the small beams of light shining through the blinds in her room. She just walked- back and forth, back and forth. There was not much else to do, her father was home that day from a terrible hangover; he had stayed out all night and when he got home he spent almost hours emptying the contents of his stomach...in the bathroom right next to Sara's room.

Her mother was busy cleaning, of course. She wanted to avoid contact with her husband as much as Sara did. Sara felt trapped- home was hell, the outside world was hell. She went outside, she was exposed to _people. _She stayed home, she was exposed to only _two _people.

She opened her door and went to the kitchen. Silently, she opened the fridge and poured herself a glass of orange juice. She sipped it quickly, savoring the taste and the cool feeling of the liquid sliding down her throat. She washed the glass out and put it in the dishwasher before walking back into her room.

She laid on her bed and stared at the ceiling. She turned to look at the small window next to her room. She could, she thought, just open the window and jump out. She could start a new life somewhere under a new alias. She could start a group of rebel pre-teens and teenagers who ran away from home. They could have a crazy name and wear black leather jackets. They could be a street gang.

She shook her head, laughing a little at the crazy thought that had crossed her mind. Still, however, she didn't think that being against the law would be so bad. She was intelligent enough to avoid being caught, that was for sure, and also, what had the law done for her that was so grand?

She _could _run away that night. She doubted her mother and father would've noticed she was gone until the next day. Maybe...maybe she could leave that night. She could go somewhere else, go to school, and when she was old enough, get a job to pay her college tuition. The thought brought a smile to her face- what would college be like? She assumed it would be a lot better than grammar school or middle school- she would be with a more mature and developed community.

Sara looked around her room- her eyes latched onto an old book. The stitching to keep the pages in place were falling out and the writing was faded. She stood up and opened the book. It was an old fairy-tale story-book.

Sara almost laughed. Her mother used to read fairy-tales to her. She would hear about the princess in distress and the knight in shining armor who, at the end of the story, rescued her. Every story ended the same- _And they lived happily ever after. _Why did they live happily ever after? What if the mother-in-laws hated each other? What if the family didn't get along? What if the princess found out her prince charming was cheating on her? They never put those details into the stories.

She closed the book and slid it under her bed. She sat back on her bed and looked down at her feet. The day was going by slowly...Verrrrrry slowly. She looked back at the window on her wall. She stood on her bed and popped the window open. She slid through the window, which she did with ease since she was so skinny.

She landed on her feet. Again she looked down at her feet, eyeing her worn-out sneakers. She shrugged and walked off, making sure she wasn't in the view of her mother or father from the front windows of the house. She walked down the sidewalk, her silky brown hair blowing around behind her. She had her hands in her pockets as she walked- it was still cold.

She walked to the corner of the road. She looked to see a liquor store, which she knew her father frequented often. She could always smell cheap whiskey or brandy on his breath when he walked in through the door. She grimaced and almost gagged as the smell came flooding back to her, bringing along with it the horrible memories she locked in her closet. She had once been told that everyone had skeletons in their closets...but she doubted anyone had the same skeletons in her closet that she had.

She kept walking down the road, but she could've sworn someone was watching her. Every time she turned around, she saw no one. She kept walking. The feeling got stronger and stronger, yet she still saw no one following her. She turned around and started walking backwards. She turned around and started running, but she fell to the ground when she bumped into someone.

"Woah! Hey, kiddo, what's wrong?"

She looked up to see a police officer staring down at her. He helped her up, but she noticed the color drained from his face when he looked at her body.

Shoot, she had forgotten to put something on to cover the bruises on her arms and legs!

"Sweetheart, what happened to you?"

"Uh..." Sara didn't know what to say. The officer was staring right through her.

"Honey, did someone do this to you?"

Sara backed up, almost tripping over her own feet. She ran. She didn't know what to do, so she ran. She felt so stupid, but she turned her heel and ran from the officer.

"Hey! Come back, I want to help you!"

She ignored the officer's voice. She heard in the distance him talking on his walkie-talkie.

"This is officer Hayesworth. There's a minor running around town, female, looks to be about 13, brown hair, brown eyes. She's wearing a black tank-top and blue jeans. Green sneakers."

Sara looked back to see the officer getting in his car and coming after her. Crap, he wouldn't just leave her alone, he was going to chase her. She quickened her pace and ran around the corner. She turned around again to find the car dangerously close to her. She almost screamed as the car came closer and closer. She panted with exhaustion as she continued to run. She turned a corner again and ran still.

"Please, I want to help you!" This was the officer in the car.

Sara shook her head as she continued to run. She tripped and tumbled onto the ground, scraping her arms and legs. She twisted her ankle and soon she was cornered by police cars. She hyperventalated as she tried desperately to get to her feet and run. She got on her good foot and began to limp away, but an officer grabbed her arm so she couldn't go anywhere.

"Let me go, please!"

Her pleads with the officers were useless and she found herself being led over to a squad car. She sat down while the officers called an ambulance.

"Sweetheart."

She turned to look at a female officer who was kneeled down beside her with a concerned expression on her face.

"Sweetheart, can you tell us what happened?"

Sara felt the tears fall down her face and she tried to hide them, but they were falling down too quickly. The female officer wiped the tears from her face and looked in her eyes. "Honey, please- can you tell me what happened?"

Sara shook her head and she heard the ambulance approaching. She was led over to the ambulance and the small cuts on her arms and legs were cleaned and bandaged.

"We're going to take you to the hospital to get some x-rays taken."

Sara just nodded and allowed them to wrap a blanket around her shoulders. They closed the ambulance doors and drove off.

**September 1, 1984- Nighttime**

Sara sat on the hospital bed hugging her knees like she had done so many times in her life. She was wearing a thin white hospital gown and waiting for the results of her x-rays. She rocked herself back and forth slowly, just like her mother had done when she was younger. She looked around the room- there were cotton swabs, a small metal sink, a small bathroom to the side of the room. There was a TV fixed on the wall of the room. It was on, but she couldn't hear anything coming from it. She was in another place, another realm.

"Sara?"

She looked up at the male doctor walking in with a folder.

"Uh-huh?"

"Can you tell me your last name?"

"S-Sidle...S-I-D-L-E."

"Thank you..."

He headed out, but a nurse stopped him.

"Doctor, what do the x-rays say?"

The doctor tried to speak in a soft tone so that Sara couldn't hear what he had to say, but she could still hear him perfectly.

"A few old broken bones...hairline fractures..."

"Abuse?"

"Possibly. I'm going to notify her parents and let them know she's here...the authorities found her, so they're most likely going to call Child Services in."

The doctor walked off, leaving the nurse standing in the hallway to stare at Sara. She smiled weakly before walking off. Sara knew what was going to happen next.

Her parents would be called. Her drunk father and her mother would come over to the hospital to see her. Then, the police would bring them in for questioning, as of course she would be. Child Services would be called once they found out what went on in her home, and she would most likely go into Foster Care.

She shuddered at the thought. She knew this all-too well. She had read about it in fourth grade. It didn't sound fun, that was for sure.


	4. September 2, 1984

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: Nope, I'm not going anywhere. I'm still in my room! I own nothing!**

**September 2, 1984**

Sara didn't know how she did it, but she fell asleep. She managed to block out all of her thoughts of what would happen the next day and what had already happened. Unfortunately, she woke up to the sound of her parents (well, her father..) yelling at the nurses and doctors.

"What? What do you mean we can't see her?" This was her father.

"Sir, please-"

"I want to see my daughter!"

"Sir, please listen to me-"

"This is bullshit!"

Sara rolled her eyes. Dad was sober, whoop-tee-doo.

"Sir, listen to me- your daughter has many bruises and injuries she has sustained over a number of years. She also has many old broken bones that were never treated.."

"So why can't I see her?"

"Sir, it's procedure. We have to make sure that there was no child abuse going on in your home-"

"WHAT?"

Now her father was going nuts. Sara was almost one-hundred percent sure he was trying to throw punches at the doctors. Luckily, before anyone got their brains knocked out, the authorities stepped in.

"Sir, maam, please come with us..."

Sara knew her mother would go quietly, but her father wasn't going without a fight.

"Don't touch me! I want to see my daughter-"

"Sir, please-"

"SHUT UP, YOU PIG!"

Now, the authorities had to handcuff her father in order to get him out of the building without hurting anyone. Her mother walked out quietly, fumbling with her fingers as she walked. Her father was throwing obscenities over his shoulder, mainly aimed at the police and doctors.

Sara heard a sigh and then the doctor went through her door. "Sara?"

"What?"

"We're going to treat your broken bones. You have a broken arm and a broken ankle, so we're going to need to treat those before they get worse."

Sara just nodded as the doctor motioned for some nurses to come in. They brought with them bandages and some other items. She winced as the doctor lifted her broken ankle.

"Alright, it's only going to hurt for a little bit, I'm going to put a cast on your foot, so you're going to need to stay off of it for a while."

She nodded as the doctor took out a roll of bandages and began wrapping her ankle.

"Okay...now your little friends can sign it!"

Sara assumed the doctor was trying to lighten the mood. What he didn't know, however, was that Sara didn't have any friends. No one wanted to be friends with her, they all just labeled her as weird or freaky the moment they saw her.

The doctor noticed her confused expression and cleared his throat. "Well...uh...now, let's get your arm fixed up."

He went around to the other side of Sara and began wrapping her left arm. Sara's ankle was already getting itchy, but she ignored it as best she could.

"There!"

Now, she r_eally _looked like she had been hit by a car.

"And Sara, we're going to need to do a head exam just to make sure you didn't sustain any injuries to your skull or brain."

Sara nodded as they brought in a wheelchair and they helped her out of the bed before wheeling her out of the room.

**September 2, 1984- Police Department**

"Mr. and Mrs. Sidle, are you aware that your daughter had sustained these injuries?" the detective asked as he slid the pictures of Sara's injuries taken at the hospital forward on the table.

"I assumed she had gotten hurt at a scuffle at school," her father said shrugging.

"And you did nothing?"

"She's gotta fight her own battles."

The detective gave the forensic scientist in the room a look before turning back to both parents.

"Mrs. Sidle, what did you think of your daughter's injuries?"

Her husband shot her a look, which the detective noted to actually be an intense glare, and the woman slowly looked up.

"I...I just thought she got hurt at school."

The woman sounded scared, and the detective soon knew what to do. "Mr. Sidle, can you give me a moment alone with your wife?"

The man glared at the detective before he was lead out of the room and his wife was soon alone in the room with the detective.

"Mrs. Sidle...does your husband ever hit you or your daughter?"

The woman quickly shook her head. "No, never."

**September 2, 1984- County Hospital**

"Good job Sara, thank you."

Sara nodded as she was lead back to her room after the head exam and she laid in her bed. She looked up at the television positioned on the wall, but she watched it like a robot- her eyes were lifeless, her face bare of emotion. A woman walked into the room and noticed Sara's gaze. She cleared her throat, making Sara jump.

"I'm sorry, my name is Patricia, I'm with the police department."

Sara knew what was coming. "You want to question me."

The woman smiled. "You're a smart little girl."

Sara didn't say anything and the woman pulled up a chair next to Sara. "Can you tell me how you got those injuries?"

Sara stared at the wall in front of her, not sure of what to say. Should she tell them? Tell them that her father enjoyed hitting his wife and daughter? What would happen if she did, would he get even angrier if he found out what she said?

"I get hurt at school."

The woman wrote something down in her notebook before looking back up at Sara. "Why?"

"Kids don't like me."

The woman responded with a weak nod before writing something else down and clearing her throat. "Sara, do your father or mother ever hit you?

_Yes! Yes, my father hits my mother and I all the time! Help me!_ she thought.

"No."

**September 2, 1984- 8:30 pm- Sidle Residence**

"We apologize for the misunderstanding..." the officer standing at the door started.

"Yeah, you better be," Mr. Sidle said before slamming the door. He turned to his wife and daughter. He pointed at Sara. "You- get in your room. Now."

Sara limped over to her room as quickly as she could.

"You," she could hear her father talking to her mother. "Fix dinner."

Her mother obeyed and went to the kitchen looking around for pots and pans. Sara sat in her room, again hugging her blue hippo. She looked at the stuffed animal- it was ripped in certain places and the eyes were beginning to fade. She felt warm tears falling down her cheeks; she had been unaware that she had even been crying. She closed her eyes, holding the stuffed animal close to her chest in her arms as she drifted off to sleep.

**September 2, 1984- 11:37 pm**

"I didn't tell them anything, John!"

Sara woke up startled at the sound of her mother's frightened voice.

"You sure about that, Laura?" came her father's voice.

"Yes!"

Sara cracked her door open, but her father heard.

"You! You close that door you little runt!"

Sara quickly slammed the door out of fear of being hit. She heard her mother scream and hit the floor. She couldn't take it anymore. She threw the door open and walked over to her dad. She jumped on his back.

"Gah! Damn it, get off of me, you little bitch!"

Sara threw her arms over her dad's face so he couldn't see. Her injured arm had become a weapon and she whacked her father across the head. He backed up and rammed her into the wall and she fell off of him, winded.

"Leave her alone, John!"

Sara looked up to see the blurred figure of her mother pleading with her husband who only looked down at his daughter. Sara watched as he kneeled down beside her and then stood up. He walked out after grabbing his jacket. Sara could only guess where he was going. Her best guess was that her father was going to go to some club or liquor store, get incredibly drunk, and then come back late the next day with a hangover asking himself how he got so drunk.

Sara looked at her mom as she walked over to the kitchen and started on the dishes, as usual. Sara crawled back into her room and closed the door. She found her blue hippo and squeezed it with all her strength. A loud crack of thunder was heard outside and she curled up in the middle of her room into the fetal position. She wrapped a small blanket around herself and drifted off to sleep as her mother continued to wash the dishes while her father was out getting drunk.

She could only imagine what her birthday was going to be like. Most likely, her mother would force her to invite people she despised most from school to come over and 'celebrate' her birthday. Of course, this would only be if her father was out that day. She appreciated the fact that her mother would try and throw her a party, but she knew a long time ago she would never have a real party ever again. There were too many things she would have to hide, too many things she would have to make lame excuses up for.

She would much rather go to the library and read all that day. Her mother and father wouldn't care, they would fail to notice she was gone in the first place. She enjoyed the library, she frequented it often and the librarians were actually very nice people. They knew Sara was a bookworm, so whenever they got new books in, they sent her letters and set copies aside just for her. She had been a proud customer of the library for five years now, and her library card was worn-out and ripped. They didn't care, however. They knew she was a very responsible girl for her age and she always returned the books in the same condition they were when she borrowed them.

Now, her thoughts went back to her birthday. She was dreading that day...September 16...the number '16' made her shudder. She could imagine what would happen- there would be old beer bottles thrown around the house and her father would be out in the recliner in the living room, snoring. Her mother would be trying to clean as much as she could and Sara would be sitting alone in her room, holding the paper party hat she had made herself and blow out the imaginary candles on her imaginary cake. She would pretend everyone was clapping and wishing her a happy birthday. The sad thing was, imagining all of this was better than actually living the moments.


	5. September 15, 1984

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle  
Rating: T  
Summary: (You all know by now)  
Disclaimer: I am still here...not leaving any time soon...I own nothing!  
**  
**September 15, 1984**

It was raining. Sara decided it was rather fitting since her birthday was the next day. She sat with her knees up to her chest in her room. It was dark- she didn't bother to turn on any lights. Her casts were becoming increasingly annoying and itchy. Luckily, her casts were water-proof, so she could take a shower with ease...it was harder to get dressed and undressed, actually...pantlegs getting stuck and shirt-sleeves getting caught on the cast...

Sara looked around her room. She had been sitting in this same spot for about two hours now. Almost her entire body was going numb, yet she did not move. She couldn't get the thoughts of what could happen the next day out of her mind. Her father had come home late that morning, more than a little drunk, and the second he got inside the house he collapsed on the floor. Her mother was surprisingly taking a nap that day and not trying to clean something.

Sara got up from her place on the carpet and cracked her door open. It made more noise when it opened than she would have liked, but she stepped out of her room, sighing in relief to find her father still sprawled out on the floor unconscious and her mother still sleeping soundly on the couch. Sara walked into the kitchen on her tip-toes and opened the refridgerator, getting the carton of orange juice out. There was only a little left, so she drank from the carton and discarded it in the garbage can underneath the sink. She walked past her father and had to hold back the urge to scream when she felt her father's hand grab her foot.

Her father's eyes were still closed, but he had a smirk across his face. Sara could only guess what he was dreaming of she slapped his hand, making him drop her foot and she walked off to her room.

Closing the door, she looked out the small window she knew she could still easily climb out of. It would be a little hard, she decided, though, with a broken ankle and a broken arm. She instead climbed onto her bed and curled up in her blankets.

If worse was yet to come, Sara's relatives would come into town to 'wish little Sara a happy birthday' as they put it. They were just as bad as her parents- her mother's mother was just as obsessive over cleaning and just as frightened and her father's father was just as intimidating and just as obsessed with alcohol as her father.

If they weren't going to come, which Sara hoped with all her might, she was only left with her drunken father and her mother, who, on occasion, sought comfort from the bottom of a bottle.

Maybe her idea of running away and forming a group of rebels wasn't as bad or out-there as it sounded. Maybe she really could do that and meet other kids like her. Other kids whose families didn't really love each other. Maybe she would meet kids who were perfectionists, and find out they only tried to do better than average because they thought it would earn the love of their families.

She decided against it- they would probably die being out on their own, and Sara wasn't good with people, no matter who those people were.

So...tomorrow Sara Sidle would be 12-years-old...wow. She didn't see what there really was to celebrate, except for the fact that she was that much closer to leaving this hell-hole called a home.

Sara heard a groan coming from the living room and she opened her door. She walked through the hallway and in the living room she saw her father finally coming to. Her mother's eyes fluttered open the second her father got to his feet, and she headed to the kitchen to clean. He looked at Sara.

"Daddy's got _some_ hangover."

Her father thought what he said was humorous- Sara didn't, since she had heard it way too often.

"I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Dad."

He stood up stretching and ruffled her hair. "I've got a surprise for you. Go get your shoes on."

"I don't like surprises."

"I know you don't, but you're going to have to live through this one," he said with a wink.

She sighed. "What is it?"

"If I told you, then it wouldn't be a surprise now, would it?"

Sara shrugged. "I guess not..."

He smiled as he walked into the kitchen. Sara went back to her room, now pacing back-and-forth frantically.

_What the hell is he thinking? He never remembers I have a birthday. What does he have up his sleeve?_

She sighed and sat back down on the carpet, rocking herself back-and-forth. Whatever it was her father had planned, she was hoping it wasn't going to be something that would later result in a heated argument between wife and husband...or daughter and father.

She sighed as she slipped on her sneakers and grabbed her jacket. She cracked her door open and looked to see her father actually waiting for her.

"Alright, let's go!"

She followed her father out of the house as he led her to the car. In truth, it wasn't really a car. It was a chunk of metal with four doors, four...erm..thr-, no wait, yeah, four wheels...one rear-view mirror...and four seats...well, they were sort of like seats...you could sit on them...but god-knows-what they were made of or filled with.

She got in the back-seat and her father got in the driver's side. He put the key in the ignition and the car started...but it sounded more like something was dying than a car starting. They drove off in the rain, the windshield wipers moving back-and-forth, back-and-forth, back-and-forth.

Sara was wondering what she had agreed to do. She was expecting something she wouldn't want to do, or that she would be going somewhere she didn't want to go.

"We're here- daddy's home away from home."

Sara couldn't see outside- it was raining too hard and the rain was pouring down much too quickly.

"Where are we?"

"You'll see, honey."

She sighed as she got out of the car and her father led her over to the building they were going to. All Sara could make up were bright lights flashing every now and then and loud music pouring from the building.

"Dad..."

"Yes?"

"Is this a club?"

"Bing, bing, bing! You guessed it!"

"Dad!"

"What?"

"Why are we in a strip club?"

"Because I want you to live the life of an adult tonight!"

Oh god, the life of an adult? This wasn't what every adult did! Not everyone went to strip clubs and got drunk all the time!

"DAD!"

"Just sit here, Sara."

Sara sat down in the far corner of the building. The loud music was making it hard for her to hear anything or think for that matter, and the lights flashing everywhere was making it hard for her to see anything. She did, however, see her father walk off and go straight to the dancers. She lowered her head, covering her ears and trying to make everything go away. As hard as she tried, the music and the bright lights would not go away. She was here, and she had no idea how long she would be staying.

After a few hours, Sara was almost asleep, but she opened her eyes when her father walked over to her.

He looked happy, at least. Sara could tell he was drunk, but he looked like he had had a good time that night. "Can we go?" Sara asked, rubbing her head. It was late in the morning, Sara could only guess.

"Are you kidding?" he asked.

Sara shook her head.

"The fun's just getting started!"

He ran over to the bar and came back with a beer in his hand. Sara had closed her eyes, attempting to fall asleep, and so she failed to realize that her father had the full intention of forcing the beer down his daughter's throat against her wishes. He held her head up (she had no idea what he was going to do), and he squeezed the mouth of the bottle between her lips. The fowl liquid traveled down his daughter's throat and she choked on it's horrid taste.

"Dad!"

He smiled as he walked off to the dancers once again. Sara rubbed her head- she was 11-years-old and already a boozer. She put her head down, wishing for the taste in her mouth to just disappear, but it lingered for some time. Every time she looked up, she would see her father throwing his money away while someone danced for him, or a half-naked woman walking past her.

_Happy birthday to me._

_Happy birthday to me._

_Happy birthday, happy birthday..._

_Happy birthday to me._


	6. September 16, 1984

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: Still here...own nothing.**

**September 16, 1:15 pm**

After a few hours of sitting stiffly and holding back the nausea that was passing through her body, Sara finally had enough and stood up. Woozy and dizzy, she walked around the building searching for the man responsible for bringing her to this place and pouring the large amount of alcohol down her throat. She had no idea how much he gave her- she lost count after three bottles when things started to get blurry.

The building had quieted down considerably, and the lights were now dimming. Beer bottles and cups with shots of tequila litered the small club, not to mention the discarded clothing lying around.

Sighing, she pulled back a sheet on the floor and scoffed when she saw the drunken figure of her father lying on the floor with a liquor bottle in his left hand, his other hand was around one of the dancer's waists. She nudged him with her foot.

"Dad."

No answer, he didn't even flinch.

"Dad."

She said it louder this time. No answer.

"Dad!"

She nudged him harder and this time he acknowledged her with a groan.

"Dad..."

He opened his eyes a little and squinted at the little light shining through the room. He moved his arms around trying to identify the figure standing over him. Sara held her hand out and he grabbed it.

"Hey baby." He had a smile on his face as he pulled her closer to him.

"Dad! It's me!"

He groaned and let go of her hand. She stood back up.

"Dad, it's past one o'clock."

"Mm-hmm."

"Dad."

"What?"

"Let's go home."

He groaned again and turned over, his head turned away from his daughter and he buried it in the sheet on the floor in defiance like a small child.

"Dad..."

"You can go home yourself."

"Dad, I'm 12-years-old."

It was the truth. Sara had been born at 7:47 am on September 16.

"So drive yourself home."

She rolled her eyes. He was too drunk to understand anything she was saying.

"Fine, I'm going home."

She turned her heel and walked off. She grabbed her jacket, which had served as a bed the night before, and wrapped it around herself as she made her way out of the building. It was dark and cloudy still, and a cold wind was blowing against her. She took a deep breath and started on her way home.

_Some birthday. I never would have guessed Dad would've taken me to a strip club. I'll give him one thing- the man knows how to surprise you._

She rolled her eyes- the nauseaous feeling she had was growing stronger by the second, and she had to hold back the urge to run over to an alley and just empty the contents of her stomach. She swayed back and forth every now and then, but she was determined to make it to her house. If nothing else, she would collapse outside the doorway. Then maybe at least her mother would know she had tried to make it home.

Unable to bare it anymore, she ran into an alley and threw up. She leaned against the brick wall as she brushed the hair away from her face before throwing up again.

_Now I know what a hangover feels like._

She would have much rather preferred to _read _about it than actually _experience _it firsthand.

_So this is what Dad does everyday._

She turned and headed back home.

_Just make it home._

To her luck, her home was about a mile and a half away. The soles of her sneakers were beginning to fall apart, and her feet were freezing from stepping in the large puddles that had formed from the rain.

_Note to self: buy new shoes._

The thin jacket she was wearing was almost five-years-old. Her parents believed in putting all items to full use before replacing them.

Sara's fingernails were digging into her skin through the thin fabric of the jacket. She was freezing, and her entire body was going numb from being out in the cold. She could see her breath every time she exhaled, and she was paler than usual, but she had no idea if it was from the cold or the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

_Just a little further..._

She tried her best to reassure herself, but she knew damn well she wouldn't be home for a while since she was at least a mile away from her neighborhood. She walked past the street to her school and shuddered- school was one of the last things she wanted to think about at the moment- it definetly wasn't helping the naseasous feeling she had.

She wondered what her mother would do when she found out about her husband taking her father out for a little late night party. Her mother would most likely not try and play the hero and chew out her husband for it, so Sara would wander off to her room with a bucket and a wetted rag and every time she needed to empty her stomach, she wouldn't have to leave her room.

_How convenient._

Sara didn't want to face her parents again, especially her father. She needed to leave this life behind her. What would it make her into when she got older? Would she turn into one of those old ladies who stays in their homes all the times with over a thousand cats?

Slowly, she made her way up the road. She was walking up a rather large hill, and every step was an effort. She almost fell over and rolled down the hill, but she firmly planted her feet on the pavement before she lost her footing.

When she finally made it up the hill, she sighed with relief and exhaustion. She walked as fast as she could with a broken ankle, and when she finally made it home, she knocked on the front door.

No answer.

"Mom!"

She knocked again, but she still got no answer.

She sighed and went around the house. She put her good foot on a small piece of wood for a boost, and then she threw her other leg over the fence. As she lifted her upper torso over the fence with her good arm, the back of her jacket got caught on the top of the fence. Now, she was hanging by her jacket. The wires tore through the thin fabric, but not enough to tear her free of hanging by her jacket.

"This is ridicu-"

Before she could finish her sentence, her jacket was torn from the fence and she fell face-first onto the ground.

"Ow."

She made her way to her feet, and she got on top of the trash can outside. She lifted herself up and opened the window in her room and slid through it, doing a 180-degree flip before landing on the floor in her bedroom.

"Finally."

She got up and opened her bedroom door. She covered her nose when the overly strong scent of alcohol filled her nostrils. She turned the corner and saw what she was expecting- her mother sprawled out on the floor surrounded by bottles of scotch and brandy. She walked over to her and shook her.

"Mom."

Nothing.

"Mom."

A groan.

"Mom, you fell asleep."

She didn't have her eyes open, but she was stirring. "Huh?"

"You fell asleep."

"Oh..." she rubbed her head, eyes still closed. "Where were you?"

"Dad...dad took me out for some father-daughter bonding."

She sat up. "I thought you two left me."

As her mother reached for another bottle of alcohol, Sara pulled it away. "No, mom, we're not leaving you."

Her mom groaned as she got to her feet and swayed. Just before she collapsed, Sara caught her. "Mom..."

The woman fell into unconsciousness. Sara rolled her eyes and grabbed a throw pillow from the couch and slid it under her head. She got up and slid the remaining pieces of her jacket off and threw them in the trash. She got a glass of water and sipped it slowly, the cool liquid feeling wonderful on her throat. She put the glass in the sink before walking back to her bedroom.

_This is just fabulous._

She sat in the middle of her room indian-style, as best she could. She lowered her head and rubbed it. At least the nauseaous feeling she had before was somewhat disipating. She couldn't go on in this house- god only knew what her father had planned for her _thirteenth _birthday. By the time she turned eighteen, she expected herself to have almost completely fallen to pieces. She knew any life was better than the one she was living now, but she was scared to find out what would happen if she got caught.

She got up and opened her closet door. She looked at the small amount of clothes she had and picked a long-sleeved t-shirt. It would provide little warmth, but she no longer had a jacket. She looked down at her sneakers- they definetly weren't going to hold up much longer. She slipped them off and walked into her parents' bedroom. Spotting the sewing basket, which her mother never used, she grabbed it and carried it to her room. She took out a spool of thread and started trying to sew up the sides of the sneakers. Hopefully, the shoes would hold up for at least a few days.

The least she could do was bring her father back to make her mother stop drinking. She made her way to the living room and sighed as she looked at the sprawled figure of her mother lying on the floor like a beached whale. She opened the door and walked out, preparing herself for the long walk back to the strip club.

_Why am I doing this? What have they done for me? What do I care if my father stays at that strip club for the rest of his life?_

Despite her thoughts, Sara's legs kept moving toward the strip club. Her body was on auto-pilot. Only her subconscious was in her control. She felt like a robot being controlled with a remote. As many times as she told herself to stop and just go back home or run away, her legs continued to move closer to the strip club.

When she arrived, she opened the doors and saw her father actually standing on two feet. The dancers were now up, and he was just beginning to down some more shots of scotch.

"Dad!"

He turned and stared at his daughter with a puzzled expression on his face. "The hell are you doing here?"

"I left about an hour ago, but mom's out on the floor, so I came back here to get you."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes you are. You're going home right now."

She walked up to him and grabbed his arm. He laughed as she pulled him away from the dancers and he dropped the bottle of scotch. She led him around the corner and he started leaning more and more on his daughter, his eyelids drooping.

"Dad. N-No, dad, you can't fall asleep."

His eyelids were now closed completely and they stayed that way. His feet were starting to drag as Sara led him to their house. Now his full body weight was on her, and she grunted every time she moved, him now riding on her back.

"Dad, you have to wake up."

No answer.

She sighed. "Dad, please, come on- wake up."

He didn't move and she glanced up the hill on the road. She took a deep breath before making her way up the hill. She almost lost her balance a couple times, but she quickly regained her composure and made it up the hill. As quickly as she could, she made it to her house and threw the door open, collapsing on the floor with her father rolling off her back.

The commotion woke her mother. "What? Who's there?"

Sara grunted as she got to her feet. "I brought back Dad."

She sat up. "Where was he?"

"Where do you think he was? His 'home away from home'."

Her mother noticed the sarcastic tone in her voice and turned to her unconscious husband. "What did he do?"

She didn't want to mention him pouring bottles and bottles of alcohol down her throat. Her mother stood up and actually kicked her husband in the head.

"Get up."

Her husband groaned. "Don't kick me, Laura."

He had been drunk all that time, but he still knew who kicked her.

"I'm sorry, I won't kick you anymore. I'll keep this in mind next time you decide to beat the living daylights out of your family."

That got him to his feet. "Don't do this."

"I heard about your little birthday present to our daughter."

He turned and gave Sara a death glare. Sara stood up and backed away.

"Don't you hurt her, John."

Sara was surprised- her mother actually _was_ playing the hero this time.

He turned and looked at her. "I was bringing my daughter into adulthood."

Her mother even found this pitiful. "Adulthood? Is that what they're calling it now?"

He balled his hand into a fist. "Don't start."

"I'm sick of this, John. What's next, John, huh? What's next?"

Sara wanted to stop it before it started. She walked in the middle of them. "Please, don't start...I-"

She was interrupted by her father pushing her out of the way onto the floor, thus angering her mother. It was starting.

"You bastard!" her mother yelled throwing a punch at her husband- she slugged him across the face before he got a hit on her. Her father slapped her before she kicked him in the ribs. This time, he slammed her face-first into the wall. Sara punched her father repeatedly, trying to make him stop.

"Dad, stop it!"

He turned around now to face his daughter. Trying to be the hero came at a price. He grabbed her good arm and slammed her side into the wall. She was winded, and she slowly slid to the floor holding her stomach, trying to find the breath that always seemed to escape her.

Her mother ran to the kitchen and opened a drawer, throwing out spoons and tongs until she found what she was looking for- a knife. It was a long knife, maybe eight inches, and she ran at her husband. The knife dug into his chest and she stabbed him over and over again, ignoring her daughters' cries for her to stop.

Sara ran into her parents' bedroom and grabbed the phone, trying desperately to get the image out of her mind. Blood and the occasional flash of silver. She dialed 9-1-1.

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?"


	7. September 16, 1984 11:26 pm

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own no characters or trademarks of CSI...but I'm still here! I also don't own the song 'Tonight' by Elton John, which is a beautiful song, by the way.**

**September 16 11:26 pm**

Sitting with her knees up to her chest, she stared at the ground in front of her. The flashing lights and the ringing sirens no longer existed- she was somewhere else at some other time. She already knew her father was dead- the lifeless look in his eyes, the paleness of his skin. She felt as thought something was missing inside of her, yet she wasn't so sure it was her father. In a way, she felt relieved, but she also had a strong feeling of remorse.

As the EMTs wheeled her father's body out of the house, she watched them, blankly- they looked at her and when they noticed that her gaze had gone from them to the body. They quickly covered it up, and led him to the ambulance quickly.

Looking toward the police officers, she could tell they were both holding back the urge to empty their stomachs and also debating on what to do with her. She was a witness, after all.

"Sara?"

Sara looked up to see a woman walking over to her. She had long black hair and brown eyes, and she was very well-dressed. She kneeled down beside her. Sara was wondering how she even knew her name.

"Hi, my name is Gina."

Sara just stared at her.

"Um...are you hurt?"

Sara didn't say anything again. Was this even real, was this really happening?

The woman put a hand on her shoulder and that was when she noticed the bruises on the girl's arms. She could only imagine what she would find underneath her clothing. "We're going to take you to the hospital, okay?"

She just nodded as the woman helped her up and led her to a car. The woman helped her inside the backseat and an officer walked past them to the police chief.

"So, what's going on with the kid?"

"Child Services is taking her to the hospital."

"Alright, we'll check up with them later."

Sara could no longer hear the conversation going on as the back door was closed and the woman got in the driver's side of the car. She started the car, putting the key in the ignition and backed up before starting off.

"So...where do you go to school?"

The woman was trying to make conversation. This was understandable; she was trying to lighten the mood, but Sara could never forget that her mother stabbed her father to death the day of her birthday.

"Mountain Peak Middle School."

That was the first time the woman had heard her speak. She nodded as she stopped at a street-light. "You have any friends?"

Sara looked at the rear-view mirror in the car. The woman was staring at her. "No."

The woman nodded, now realizing she had very much indeed _not _just lightened the mood, she just brought up more bad memories.

"Well, we're here."

The woman parked at the hospital and opened her door, stepping outside and opening the back door, helping Sara up. Sara grabbed the woman's hand, squeezing it tightly. The woman put a hand on her shoulder before looking into her eyes. "Ready?"

She just nodded as the woman led her into the hospital and she took a seat in a chair. The woman walked up to the front desk and showed the receptionist her business card.

"I'm with Child Services. There's been a murder tonight, I need this little girl," she pointed to Sara. "Checked up immediately."

The woman nodded. "We'll get a room set up right away. The wait should only be a few minutes."

"Thank you."

Gina walked over to where Sara was sitting. She had her arms folded over in her lap and her head was lowered. Gina sat down next to her and put a hand on her back. "I'm sorry."

Sara turned to look at the woman, and the woman saw the drying streaks of tears running down her face.

A nurse walked into the room with a clipboard in her hand. "We're ready."

**September 17, 1984- 12:03 am- County Hospital**

Sara had changed into the thin hospital gown, and she now sat on top of the small bed in the room. Gina sat in the chair next to her. Sara was sitting with her legs crossed. Now, her injuries were more noticeable, and the woman grimaced every time she saw a flash of purple or blue on the girl's pale skin.

A doctor walked in the room. "We're going to need to take some photographs of your injuries."

Sara just nodded as the doctor led her into another room. The small opening in the back of the white gown revealed a purple bruise forming around Sara's left side, and the woman from Child Services had to look away.

**September 17, 1984- 9:23 am- County Hospital**

Sara woke up squinting at the sunlight pouring into the room. She sat up and yawned a little, observing her surroundings. The events of the night before came flooding back to her, and she hugged her knees once again. The door opened and the same doctor from before walked in.

"Sara, we're going to need you to change into these clothes before you leave."

The doctor handed her a t-shirt and some jeans. He noted that she had no shoes and he walked out of the room before coming back in with a pair of sneakers.

She nodded as she took the clothes. The doctor left the room giving her some privacy as she changed. She slipped the sneakers on after putting the jeans on- they were quite a few sizes too big for her, as were the sneakers. The t-shirt was also much too big for her, but it was all she had. She got up from the bed and opened the door. Gina, the woman from Child Services, was waiting outside and she led Sara out of the hospital.

In the parking lot, the woman led her to her sedan.

"I'm going to be put in Foster Care, aren't I?" Sara asked.

The woman sighed, but nodded slowly. "Yes."

Sara lowered her head and silently got in the car. She closed the door and rested her head on the head-rest of the seat.

The woman got in the car, and as they drove along the highway, the woman tried again to make her feel better. "They're a nice family, your foster parents."

Sara didn't care if they were the nicest parents in the world, they weren't her parents, and they would never love her like a real family would.

"They've wanted a child for a long time."

Sara sighed and just slowly nodded. As the cars on the highway sped past the tiny sedan, thoughts raced through her mind.

_What's going to happen now? Mom killed Dad. Everyone's going to think I'm a demon spawn. My mother's a killer. I'm the daughter of a cold-blooded killer. What am I going to do?_

Silent tears fell down her face and angry tears fell down her face.

_We might not have been a perfect family, but now I'm all alone..._

It was an ironic scenario- she wanted to run away so badly, but now that one of them was gone, she was grieving.

_Daniel could care less about what happens to me now that he's left. Mom's going to jail, and Dad's dead._

As they arrived at her new home, she stepped outside, getting ready to face her new family.

All she ever wanted was for someone to love her.

_Tonight_

_Do we have to fight again  
_

_Tonight_

_  
I just want to go to sleep_

_  
Turn out the light_

_  
But you want to carry grudges_

_  
Nine times out of ten_

_  
I see the storm approaching_

_  
Long before the rain starts falling_

Tonight

_  
Does it have to be the old thing_

_  
Tonight_

_  
It's late, too late_

_  
To chase the rainbow that you're after_

_  
I'd like to find a compromise_

_  
And place it in your hands_

_  
My eyes are blind, my ears can't hear_

_  
And I cannot find the time_

Tonight

_  
Just let the curtains close in silence_

_  
Tonight_

_  
Why not approach with less defiance_

_  
The man who'd love to see you smile_

_  
Who'd love to see you smile_

_  
Tonight_


	8. November 2, 1984

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**A/N: I will most likely be updating quicker since I am sick right now...I feel like my throat is being ripped in two and is on fire...but anyways, my internet wasn't working for a while, so I apologize!**

**November 2, 1984**

Sara had been living with her foster parents for almost a month now. They were fairly nice people, but Sara felt out of place. They weren't her real parents, they weren't the people who took her home from the hospital after she was born. They weren't the people who told her stories every night when she was little.

At this moment, Sara was just getting up to get ready for school. School was going to be something- how would she be able to face everyone again? She didn't know how it would happen, but she assumed everyone would know about her mother killing her father.

She rolled out of her small twin bed and headed over to her closet. She slid the door open yawning, and she took out a long-sleeved t-shirt and a pair of long jeans. She grabbed a pair of shoes from the closet, fixing the laces and slipping them on her feet. They were too big for her, so she tightened the laces and tied them in double-knots. She sat up and looked at herself in the tiny mirror positioned on her wall. She ran her fingers through her hair and pulled out a small hair brush from the drawer in her dresser and began brushing her hair. A nauseaous feeling was growing in her stomach and she tried the best she could to hold back the bile forming in her throat.

After she was done brushing her hair, she grabbed her small backpack from the corner of her bedroom. She slowly cracked her door open and made her way down the hallway to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and went into the kitchen. Her foster mother was fixing breakfast.

"Good morning, Sara."

Sara nodded as she walked over to the bar and took an apple from the fruit bowl. She washed it off and took a bite of it before heading for the front door.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"I grabbed an apple."

Nancy (her foster mother) frowned. "I swear, you need to get more meat on your bones."

"Could we talk about this later?"

She sighed. "Alright. Have a nice day at school."

_I'm sure I will._

She walked out of the house holding her backpack by its straps and took another bite of her apple. She grimaced as its horrid taste filled her mouth.

"It's rotten," she muttered and walked over to the trash can outside and threw it away. She sighed as she headed off to school.

_And thus Sara Sidle made her way to school._

Her foster parents, Nancy and Ted, had no idea what school was for Sara, or what happened to her when she went. Sara could only imagine what would happen during PE. The jocks would most likely 'accidentally' hit the baseball in her direction, and it would 'accidentally' hit her in the head, knocking her unconscious for about an hour or two.

The familar sound of a skateboard made Sara flinch. She turned around and saw none other than Joshua Deckard skating toward her.

"Hey Sidle."

She twitched when he said her last name. "Josh." She acknowledged him.

"Sup?"

"Sup? What does it look like 'sup? I'm walking to school."

He skated over to her side. "Uh-huh...well, I heard about what happened to your father, and--"

"Please don't start."

"I was just going--"

"Spare me, I'm in for enough as it is at school."

"I was just going to say I'm sorry. If you need anything, you know where to find me, right?"

Sara was a bit shocked- did he just say that? She could only nod as he put a hand on her shoulder and then skated ahead of her. For once in her life, Sara Sidle felt as though she had made a friend.

As soon as she stepped onto school grounds, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She lowered her head and stared at her feet as she walked. Eyes were latching onto her- she couldn't see them, but she could feel them. She made it to her locker and looked up.

On her locker in blue spray paint was 'MURDERER'. She closed her eyes and sighed before opening her locker and grabbing a few books. She ignored the occasional shoves and obscenities that were aimed at her. She put her lunch in her locker and closed it, heading for her first class.

She took a seat in the back of her history class. Everyone was looking at her- even her teacher. She cleared her throat as she opened her notebook and took out a pencil, taking notes on the next assignment. PE was in two hours. What would happen?

_Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it..._

She groaned as the bell rang and she went to her next class. Her classes went by incredibly fast because she was dreading PE. She didn't know what she was going to do when they got out on the court- she knew what those kids were capable of.

"Sidle."

She looked up to see her science teacher looking at her. "Yes?"

"You're going to be late for PE."

She closed her eyes, lowering her head. She got up and gathered her things. "Thank you..."

She walked out of the classroom into the girl's locker room. Unfortunately, there were girls in there already, and they were going to do everything in their power to put her down.

"So, Sidle..." She had just sat down in front of her locker on the bench in the locker room when Melissa Wellingstone walked over to her.

"What?"

"I heard your family fell apart."

She didn't say anything.

"On your birthday..." She shook her head. "If you really even want to call what your relationship was with your parents a 'family'."

"My life is none of your business."

"I suppose not, but uh..." she stood up. "You know, my parents don't like the idea of me coming to school with the daughter of a murderer."

"That's too bad for your parents then, huh?" Sara said slipping on her tennis shoes.

"At least my parents love me."

This made Sara freeze in her tracks. "What...did you just say?"

This made the girl grin. "I said..."

Sara had now completely turned around and a tiny flame of anger was growing larger by the second.

"'At least my parents love me'."

Sara lost it. She lunged at the girl and now she had the girl up against the locker.

"You listen to me- you ever say anything about my family again and you're going to regret it, you hear me?"

The girl laughed. "Are you supposed to be scary?"

Sara's knuckles had turned white and she was holding back the powerful urge to punch the girl right in the face.

"You're really scaring me, Sidle."

She laughed and Sara glared at her with one of her 'if looks could kill' glares.

"I also heard about what your family did to each other."

Sara felt her blood run cold. She wouldn't...

"Around nighttime...your dad would come home drunk..."

Sara sunk to the floor holding her head. "Stop it."

"...Your mom would start yelling at him..."

"Stop it."

"So, your dad would get mad."

"Stop it..."

"And they would start fighting..."

"Please, stop it."

"And you would get in the middle of it..."

"Stop it! Please!"

By now, the entire locker room had crowded around her and was listening intently with evil grins on their faces. Why were they doing this to her? She never did anything to them.

"And then..." Melissa was determined to finish her story.

"STOP IT!"

Sara was in tears. She sat huddled up in the corner covering her ears and the other girls just laughed.

"What's going on in here?"

Josh Deckard's angry voice filled her ears and she looked up to see him staring down at her and taking in the scene in front of him.

"Melissa, what did you do?"

She smiled. "Nothing, I was just explaining why Sara is in Foster Care."

He walked up to her. "That's none of your business, so I suggest you just run along with your little friends and stay the hell away from Sara."

"Ooh, Josh Deckard's standing up for the freak!"

He cornered her, and now she was up against the wall. "I swear, if you **ever **do anything to her, I will-"

"JOSH!"

The sound of the PE teacher's voice made everyone jump.

"You get away from her and the girl's locker room!"

He glared at the teacher and Melissa before kneeling down beside Sara. "I'm sorry."

He stood up and walked away. The PE teacher stared at everyone before walking out.

"Watch your back, Sidle."

Melissa left her with those words before walking out with the rest of the girls. Sara dried her eyes and lowered her head.


	9. November 3, 1984 6:45 am

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**A/N: Thank you all for your reviews! You guys are awesome!**

**November 3, 1984- 6:45 am**

Sara grabbed another rotten apple just to make her foster mother _let _her go to school with the satisfaction that she _thought _her foster child had eaten. As soon as she got out of the house, she threw the apple away and started on her way to school. As she continued to walk, she expected to hear the familar skateboard wheels coming toward her, and she was relieved to see him in the distance just yards away.

She had never thought that she would be wondering where he was. She was never too keen of Mr. Deckard, but from his change of attitude toward her recently, seeing him gave her a small sense of reassurance.

Now that she thought about it, she noticed his insecurities. When he was the school jock and a total jerk, she never thought he had a problem in the world. But now that she saw his soft side, now that she thought of the way he acted around everyone, she noticed the walls he always seem to put up in certain situations. Being the child prodigy couldn't be easy since you were trying to bring all of your parent's dreams to life...and not exactly your own.

She stepped onto school grounds, and she looked around- kids going to their lockers, others trying desperately to fill in the last sections of their papers before the big test that day. She walked into the gymasium, grimacing at the smell of student's breakfasts they got from the school...which weren't really breakfasts...they were more like...soggy pieces of bread with...erm...stuff that was supposed to taste like cinnamon.

She made her way to the hall way to get to her locker. As she approached the locker, the spray paint from the day before had been scrubbed off...well, most of it. She could still make out some of the letters, but not as much as the day before. She opened the locker after clicking the lock off, and was greeted by the sterile smell of the disinfectant she used to clean it. Yes, she used disinfectant...no one else realized how much bacteria was moving around a public school.

She slipped her notebook out of her backpack and put it in her locker. She took out her bagged lunch and slid it in the back and grabbed a textbook she needed for a class. She closed her locker, locking it back up, and smiled when Josh was standing right next to her.

"So...how are you today?" he asked.

"Pretty good, you?"

"Good."

"That's good...um...Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"I need to thank you for yesterday-"

"Don't worry about it, I've wanted to tell Melissa off for some time now."

She smiled. "Alright."

"Okay, sport, well, I'll see you at lunch, then?"

"Sure."

"Alright, bye!"

He waved as he walked down the hall to his first class and she smiled as she watched him disappear around the corner. Sara walked to her first class with a little jump in her step. She was filled with glee, and all she was thinking about was getting to see Josh at lunch.

She took a seat in the back in her english class. As she sat down, she took out her textbook and started reading on the assigned page. As she skimmed through the sections, a piece of paper was thrown at her and she blinked when she looked down in front of her at the crunched up piece of paper. She unfolded it slowly and looked at it. On it was a rather sloppy drawing of a knife and in bold writing: **PSYCHO, FREAK, **and **MURDERER.** She shook her head as she threw the paper down after scribbling everything out. She couldn't tell who exactly made the note, as everyone in the class seemed to have it in for her except her teacher.

On her way to her next class, flashes of crimson and cries of pain came flooding back to her. She shook her head trying to make them go away, but she just couldn't. The memories were too much, they were forever burned in the back of her mind. Now, even when she saw a sharp object, she had to look away. She couldn't bare to look at it, it just brought back the horrible memories of that day.

She took a seat in the back of her algebra class, rubbing her head. She was getting a headache thinking about everything so much. All she wanted was for lunchttime to come so she could see Josh. He comforted her; she had no idea what it was about him that made her feel safe, perhaps it was the fact that he was the only friend she ever had in life.

The bell rang. Damn, it was time for PE.

_"Watch your back, Sidle."_

A cold chill ran down Sara's spine as those words came back into her mind. What would Melissa and her posse try to do?

She slowly walked into the girl's locker room and changed into her PE clothes. None of the other girls even looked at her, they just changed out as they made their way into the gym to start PE. Sara knew something was up, and she wasn't going to like whatever was about to happen.

"Alright, from a vote, we're going to play football! We're in the gym, so be careful!" the PE teacher said holding up the orange and yellow sashes used for flag football.

_Huh...now that can't be a coincidence. And we're in the gym...great._

Sara grabbed one of the sashes and tied it around her slender waist as the rest of her team got into position. As soon as the whistle was blown, the ball was in the air, centimeters away from the ceiling. The ball came down and Sara watched it, dumb-founded. She had no idea the ball had landed in her arms until she looked in front of her to see the giant mob of kids running at her. She backed up and then started running, but the kids were gaining on her quickly.

_Ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap!_

And that was when it happened. One of the kids pushed her (no one was sure who, but Sara could only guess who did it), and she lost her balance. She fell forward into the wall, banging her head on it and crumbling to the floor. And then, four kids just 'accidentally' fell on top of her.

"Woah! Alright, anyone hurt?" the PE teacher had sprinted over to them.

Everyone got up unharmed, except for the motionless Sara who had been at the bottom of the pile-up. The PE teacher quickly kneeled down beside her and nudged her.

"Sara?"

No answer.

"Sara, come on, wake up."

No answer. The kids were all holding back the urge to laugh as she lay unconscious on the floor of the gym.

"Someone get the nurse!"

The kids were stiff, just watching and grinning.

"NOW!"

One of the kids ran off to get the nurse, leaving the PE teacher to try and wake up Sara.

"Sara, come on."

Nothing.

"Oh sh-"

Before the PE teacher could curse, the nurse had run into the gym and moved the PE teacher away from her. She held Sara's head in her hands and rubbed her head.

"Come on, Sara, wake up."

She got a groan as a response.

"That's it, come on."

Sara winced from the pain growing in her forehead and tried sitting up, but the nurse pushed her back down.

"Don't try and sit up. We're going to call and ambulance, you may have a concussion. You've got a nasty bump on your head."

Sara just nodded as the rest of the kids stared at her with evil grins on their faces. They found this entertaining?

"Where is she?"

His voice made her jump.

"Where is she?"

His voice had a little more urgency in its tone now, and she smiled as she saw him running over to her, his calm brown eyes staring at her with concern. He had a white lab coat on and teal rubber gloves, and as he came closer she saw the plastic goggles over his eyes.

"Oh god, what happened, Sara?"

"Nothing, Josh...I...just fell is all."

He turned around and gave Melissa and the rest of the kids a death glare as if to say 'I'll deal with you later' and then turned back to Sara. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, an ambulance is coming to make sure I don't have a concussion, but uh...how did you know I got hurt?"

"Word travels fast."

She smiled as she closed her eyes and sirens were heard in the background. "You look like a nerd."

He smiled as he ruffled her hair.

"Josh, you're going to have to move," the PE teacher told him.

"No, I'm going with her."

"No you're not. You have a math test today and you're not going to miss it!"

"I don't care about the test, I said I'm going with her."

The ambulance came up and the EMTs ran out and helped Sara into the ambulance. Josh, despite his superior's wishes, got into the back of the ambulance and sat down beside Sara.

"Bite me."

He closed both doors as they drove off, leaving the entire group at the school stunned.

Sara smiled at him in the ambulance as she drifted off to a much-needed sleep. He was like a big brother. A big brother that actually cared about her, and wouldn't most likely be trying to mooch off of his little sister thirty years later when he was needing money and a place to crash.

Josh really was like a brother to Sara, and it was then when she finally realized it.


	10. November 3, 1984 11:53 am

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**A/N: Thanks everyone for the reviews! I am starting to feel better too:)**

**November 3, 1984- 11:53 am**

As the ambulance arrived at the hospital, they wheeled Sara out on a gurney, which she quickly protested to. Josh ran after the EMTs as they led her into the hospital, but he was quickly led back to the waiting room where he paced back-and-forth until he could see Sara. When the doctors finally came through the double-doors, they led him into her room which he almost ran to.

He took a seat next to her and suddenly went into big-brother mode.

"Are you okay?"

She smiled. "Yes, I'm fine."

"You didn't sustain any head injuries?"

"No, not really. Other than having a really bad headache, I'm fine."

"Do I need to get you some aspirin?"

"I already took some."

"Okay..." he sighed rubbing his head.

"You don't look so good."

He looked up and shook his head. "Ah, uh...no, I'm fine, I was just worried about you."

"I'm fine."

He nodded and lowered his head before swallowing hard. "I...uh...my little sister died in a car accident three years ago."

Sara's eyes widened and she grabbed his hand, rubbing it softly. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay..."

"My mother killed my father."

"I know..."

"In front of me."

He looked up at her. "Oh god..."

She shook her head. "It's strange...I...I feel sort of sad, but at the same time...I feel relieved."

He put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"...The reason my mother killed him was...well...he had taken me to a strip club for my birthday."

She laughed a little, choking back tears.

"He claimed he was bringing me into 'adulthood'," she said making the quotations with her fingers. "He uh...actually poured bottles of alcohol down my throat. I got sick the next day."

"How many bottles?"

"I...I really don't know...I...I lost count after three."

"I'm sorry, Sara, I mean-"

"And then I went home."

He rubbed her shoulder gently.

"And Mom was sprawled out on the floor...she had been drinking."

She swallowed.

"So I went back to the club and brought Dad back...that proved to be a bad move. As soon as I brought him back home...Mom and him started getting into it...and...I tried to make them stop, I really did, but...they wouldn't listen, and...as soon as Dad hit me, she grabbed the knife..."

"Sara, it wasn't your fault."

She shook her head. "Thanks...I really appreciate your words, but...I wish I felt the same."

He took her in a tight embrace and she just cried into his shoulder.

"It's okay," he whispered.

"Josh?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you here? I mean...why are you on my side comforting me?"

He smiled. "You know, I've...been through a lot of crap too, and I just know what it's like to feel so alone...you know my dad...he wanted me to become some big sports star."

He laughed a little bit.

"Mom wanted me to become the president of my Dad's stupid oil company, but...I told them I was going to do what I wanted to do."

"Good for you."

"Well...I told them I wanted to be a lawyer, but...as soon as I told them, they freaked, and uh...I'll let you fill in the blanks."

"I'm sorry, Josh, I mean...I never knew-"

"Don't worry about it, it wasn't your fault."

He smiled, changing the subject.

"As soon as we get back to school I'm kicking Melissa's sorry ass."

She looked up at Josh with a grin on her face. "But I don't even know if it was her who pushed me."

"She had something to do with it, believe me."

She closed her eyes and nodded. "Probably."

"Your head feeling better?"

"A little bit."

"Good."

A doctor came into the room and smiled at the scene in front of him.

"Sara, you feeling better?"

She looked up to see the doctor.

"Yeah."

"Good. Get some sleep and then you can go home. I'm sure your parents won't want you going back to school today after what happened."

Her parents...'her' parents...right.

"Okay."

Sara pulled away from Josh and laid down in the bed.

"Go ahead and sleep," Josh told her.

"Will you be here when I wake up?"

He smiled. "Duh."

She grinned as she closed her eyes.

As she drifted off to sleep, he smiled as he slipped the plastic goggles over her eyes and held back the urge to laugh.


	11. November 3, 1984 3:54 pm

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**November 3, 1984- 3:54 pm**

Sara woke up when she felt her hand being lifted up and a rubber glove being slipped onto it. She poked her eyes open and smiled when she saw Josh still trying to slip it on.

"What're you doing?"

He jumped and then started laughing. "You know, you would make one fine scientist," he said with a smile taking the glove off and helping her get the plastic goggles off.

She laughed and then cleared her throat. "So...uh...these are from your science class?"

He smiled. "Yeah, but I think they look a lot better on you."

She blushed a little and he just laughed. "So...uh, how're you feeling?"

She blinked. "Uh...okay, I guess..a little tired, but okay."

"How's your head?"

"Sore."

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yes, quit worrying about me."

He smiled. "I'm sorry, it's kind of hard to do..."

She put a hand on his shoulder. "Thanks."

He just nodded. He rubbed her head gently where the bump was a felt it under his fingers.

She sighed. "I...don't know what's going to happen at school tomorrow..."

He smiled. "Don't worry about it- anyone comes near you and I'll kick their ass."

She laughed. "Don't hurt them too much."

"Aww man..."

She playfully punched him in the arm and he laughed.

"So...when are you going home?" she asked.

"Whenever you go home."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not leaving you."

She smiled. "Thank you Josh, really."

"No problem, besides, if I went home now Dad would probably be making me practice my pitches or something."

The doctor walked into the room. "Sara, how are you feeling?"

She shrugged. "Good, I guess."

"Good, you can leave soon. Your parents are coming. We can redress your head and then you can leave when they come."

He walked out and Josh noticed Sara flinch when he said it.

"You okay?"

She blinked. "Oh, yeah...uh...I'm used to people telling me the people who took me into foster care are my parents..."

He nodded. "Well, uh...I'll walk you to school tomorrow."

She smiled. "Okay."

"Okay, so uh...I'll help you with your dressing."

She smiled. "Okay, if you want to, I mean it's not the most exciting job in the world-"

"Just let me do it," he said with a grin and went to the bland-colored counter in the white room. He opened up a drawer looking for the bandages.

"Second drawer on the right."

He blinked when he heard Sara tell him which drawer was in everything, but he opened it and sure enough there they were.

"I've had a lot of experience with hospitals," she told him as he brought the items back over to her bed.

"Alright, uh..." he grabbed the edge of the old dressing on her head and slowly peeled it off. She winced as he did it, but she reassured him that he wouldn't get it off without hurting her a little bit, so for him not to worry about it. He peeled the rest of it off and started dabbing the bump on her forehead with a cotton swab.

"Looks like it bled a little," he muttered, anger growing in his tone.

"Are you mad?"

"Not at you, at the people who did this."

"Really, Josh, it's okay."

"No, I'm going to find out who did this."

He wiped the dry blood from her forehead and began snipping the bandages off of the roll with the pair of scissors found in the drawer. He put a gauze under the bandage before wrapping it in the bandage and fixing it securely but gently on her forehead.

"Thanks," Sara said.

"No problem."

"Sara!"

They both jumped when they noticed her foster parents running into the room with concerned looks on their faces. "Are you okay? Oh god, what happened?"

"I just fell...it was just an accident during PE."

Her foster parents were looking her over for any other injuries other than the ugly bruise on her forehead. Nancy was searching the rest of her head like a monkey.

"If you are sure you're alright, then we're not going to argue," Ted said.

Nancy looked at Josh. "And who is this?"

"Uh...this is Josh, he's a friend from school."

"Nice to meet you, Josh," Ted said grabbing his hand and shaking it. Nancy did the same. They both noticed the roll of bandages in front of him and the other items. "Did you dress her head?"

He nodded.

"Thank you."

Nancy turned to Sara. "We should get you home."

"Oh, but-"

She looked at Josh who only shook his head. "Go home. You need to rest."

She smiled. "Thanks." She turned to Ted and Nancy again. "Alright, I'm ready." They helped her get up and put both arms behind her for support which she normally would've protested to, but seeing how dizzy she was at the moment she was not about to argue.

"So...is Josh-" Nancy started but Sara interrupted her.

"He's just a friend."

"Right-"

"He is."

She smiled as she helped Sara into the car and they drove off in their white '85 Volvo. In the car, Sara sat staring at the ripped seat in front of her while she played around with string of hair. She twirled it around her finger as she closed her eyes thinking about Josh. She smiled to herself. She never thought she would've met someone as nice as he was, but she finally did and things seemed to be looking up for Sara Sidle.

Outside it was raining and she stared at the small droplets that made their way down the window until they were out of sight. The rain was strangely calming. Sara never thought she would be calmed by rain since whenever she heard it when she was younger, a fight was breaking out outside her bedroom door.

She shook her head trying to forget everything and just rid herself of those thoughts. They were over. She had to accept that it was over and that it was time to move on. She had a life ahead of her and a great friend and she wasn't about to let her past keep her from living her life.

As they turned a corner, she looked across the street to see a liquor store and she closed her eyes rubbing her head. She was getting a headache. As much as she tried to get the thoughts out of her head, the more they came flooding back and the more vibrant the images were. She grimaced as the smell of cheap whiskey and brandy filled her nostrils and she covered her nose as they passed the store. It was strange how much it looked like the one her father used to frequent; the same shade of paint, same font on the sign, same barred windows...it was haunting.

She hadn't even realized that she had gotten home until her foster parents were knocking on her window telling her to get out of the car. She blinked and opened the door as she stepped out and Nancy held an umbrella over her to shield her from the rain. She thanked them as they made their way into the house.

As soon as she got inside, she went to her room. She had been forbidden to take a shower that night and to let the dressing stay on her head undisturbed. She closed the door to her room behind her and sat on her bed. Her headache was going away, but now she could barely keep her eyes open, which was surprising to her since she had just had so much sleep at the hospital. She looked at her reflection in the window above her bed and almost laughed when she saw the faint marks the plastic goggles Josh had put on her had left around her eyes.

She laid down on her bed and wrapped the blankets around herself warming herself up. The warmth was very welcoming; it had been cold outside and the rain didn't help either. She closed her eyes as she laid her head down on her pillow, her hair slightly wet from the outside moisture. She winced slightly as pressure was put on the bump on her forehead, but she shook it off and tried to fall asleep.

Now, she had only one problem- making sure Josh didn't kill whoever gave her the nasty bump on her head. She laughed a little- he really did care about her, and she cared about him. She had never felt this way about someone before, so it was a bit confusing. Her bilogical parents weren't really parent material, and her foster parents weren't really her real parents, so she never really felt loved. And then there was her brother, Daniel- he was always hanging out with his friends and yelling at Sara for interrupting him while he was hanging out with them (which Sara found out why once she discovered the marijuana under his bed) to ask for help on her homework. It was safe to say her relationship with her brother when he turned 18 was almost non-existent.

But now, Josh had grown to play a bigger role in her life than before. He was no longer the annoying wannabe-jock who followed her around on his skateboard never giving her a moment of peace. Now he was the nice caring brother she never really had.

And that was good enough for her.


	12. November 4, 1984 6:45 am

Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle 

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing except for my original characters!**

November 4. 1984- 6:45 am 

Sara had been sleeping soundly since yesterday afternoon. At the moment she was lying on her bed still sound asleep. She had slept through dinner the night before; her foster parents did not want to wake her. In fifteen minutes, however, she would have to get up and try to take a shower in order to make it to school on time.

She woke up when she rolled off of the bed with a thud. Her eyes fluttered open and she rubbed the bump on her head from the day before. She slowly stood up and muttered sleepily as she picked out some clothes to put on after taking her shower. She then walked into the bathroom and began to undo the dressing on her head.

She winced as it slowly peeled off revealing the raw and tender area, surrounded by a mottle of purple and black as well as some dried blood. She grabbed a washrag and went over the bump, cleaning the blood off of it and then she started turned the faucets in the shower to begin her bath.

She emerged from the shower about fifteen minutes later. She got dressed as quickly as she could. She had skipped dinner the night before, so she was starving and actually considered taking her foster mother up on her breakfast offer. She slipped her left sneaker on as she was walking out of her bedroom hopping on one foot. She tripped, however, and was sent tumbling to the ground, landing right in front of her foster father as he was getting ready to leave for work.

"Whoa, slow down there, Sara!" he said with a grin as he helped her up. "How's your head?"

"Alright, I guess."

"Good. Now, be careful at school today, I don't want to get a call from the hospital saying my daughter went a few rounds with Mike Tyson."

She smiled. "I'll be careful."

He ruffled her hair and walked into the kitchen with Sara following behind him. He grabbed his travel coffee mug and after pouring way too much sugar into it and not stirring it, he kissed Nancy goodbye and left for work in the old white '85 Volvo.

"Hey Sara," Nancy said with a smile as she poured herself a glass of orange juice. "Would you like a glass of orange juice?"

"Please," she said taking a seat at the kitchen table. Nancy poured her a glass and she thanked her before gulping it down.

"So, are you hungry today? Want something more than just an apple?" Nancy asked with a smile.

"Yes, I'm starving!"

She smiled and slid a plate full of pancakes on the table in front of Sara. She poured some maple syrup on it before refilling her glass with more orange juice.

"Eat up, you're skin and bones!"

Sara laughed a little bit as she slid a bite of pancakes into her mouth- they were drowned in syrup, but they tasted heavenly. She sipped some more orange juice as she continued to eat, noting when Ted had finally left for work at the sound of the Volvo's squeaky brakes.

"We're going to need those brakes checked…" Nancy said shaking her head as she took a seat across from Sara on the table with a plate in front of her.

Sara nodded and finished off the last of her orange juice before stuffing another piece of pancakes into her mouth. She looked at the clock.

"Mmm!"

She pointed to the clock, her mouth full.

"What is it?" Nancy asked.

"Mmmf!"

"What?"

She swallowed, panting. "I'm going to be late!"

"But you still have some more time before school starts."

She had already gotten up from her seat and ran into her room and grabbed her backpack. Slinging it over her shoulder, she was at the door and already halfway through it. "Goodbye!"

She closed the door and walked off. The truth of the matter was, she did still have a lot of time left before school started, but Josh had offered to walk her to school that day, and she did not want to keep him waiting for her.

She walked onto the sidewalk to see Josh standing there, skateboard in hand with a grin on his face. "Hello."

She smiled. "Why hello."

"Ready?"

"Yep."

He smiled as he jumped onto his skateboard and rode alongside her as she walked. "So…how's your head today?"

She shrugged. "Okay, I guess…it's still a bit sore, but not as much."

He smiled and stopped on his skateboard. She stopped once she noticed the lack of skateboard wheels turning behind her and she turned to face him. "Is everything alright?" she asked, a bit concerned.

He smiled and walked over to her. He pulled her closer and lightly kissed her forehead. "Now how's it feeling?"

She looked at him in shock, her cheeks turning a bright shade of pink. She choked on her words. "I…uh, I-I…" She noticed the large grin on his face, which she returned. "It feels a lot better."

They continued on their way to school, both with a rather large grin on their faces, which was growing larger by the second.

Sara walked over to her locker as Josh walked to his. She sighed in relief at the lack of graffiti vandalizing the otherwise clean piece of metal. She entered her combination and opened it. She slid the few books and papers she had in her backpack and then grabbed a few others before closing her locker. She headed off to her first class.

Taking a seat in her science class, she slid on the teal-colored latex gloves they were required to wear for the activity. She smiled thinking back to Josh trying to slip them on so nonchalantly in the hospital, and giggled a little when she slipped the plastic goggles over her eyes and tied the lab coat around her waist.

"Alright class, we're going to partner up, and I don't want to hear any complaining!"

Her science teacher's voice echoed throughout the room along with a bunch of aww's.

"Ralfadelia, you're with George."

There was a groan, but Sara raised a brow- there was a Ralfadelia in her class? Why hadn't she noticed this before? Who would name their kid 'Ralfadelia'?

She had no idea she had been paired up until she saw her partner walk over to her cursing under her breath. Sara looked up to see Melissa with her arms folded, glaring at her.

"Alright, with your partner, I want you to dissect the cadaver."

Sara widened her eyes- what sort of cadaver would this be? Her question was soon answered when a silver tray was placed in front of them both and a limp frog was put on the tray. She looked at the frog for a moment- its form looked strangely familiar. Lifeless eyes, paler skin…

"Alright! Start!"

Her science teacher's voice brought her out of her thoughts and she slowly picked up the scalpel they were supposed to use. She slowly made the incision and her partner just ran out of the room getting sick.

"Alright, everyone stay in here while I go take Melissa to the nurse!"

Her science teacher ran out of the room to the bathroom where Sara's 'tough' partner had emptied the contents of her stomach. Sara continued working as the other students goofed off and threw things around the room.

Sara slowly picked up her pencil and took notes on the specimen. Contents of its stomach showing it's eating habits, the color of its skin, how it seemed to be just coming out of rigor mortis, the basics.

As the class was finishing up, the dead carcasses were disposed of in an appropriate manner and everyone went to the sinks to wash up. Sara scrubbed at her hands furiously- she was wearing gloves, but she had just dissected a dead carcass, she wasn't going to take any chances. After her hands were red from her scrubbing, she dried them off and walked out of her class after collecting her things. She walked out of the classroom to find Melissa sitting on the bench in the hallway. She still looked a bit sick, but Sara knew not to feel sorry for her.

She walked into her next class, which was algebra, and she sat down in the far corner with her hands folded over one another as she listened to her teacher talk. She doodled on her paper with her pencil, something she did when she was bored and had already heard the lesson.

As she filled her paper with meaningless scribbles, she looked out the window next to her seat. She looked at the sunlight pouring onto the concrete outside and how beautiful the trees looked with the light illuminating them. She tilted her head to see a small ladybug crawling about the windowsill.

She looked up to see her algebra teacher still in full-lecture mode, so she slowly opened the window. A nice warm breeze filled the room and she moved her chair a bit closer to the windowsill. She slowly set her finger down on the outside sill allowing the ladybug to crawl onto her finger. She smiled as its tiny legs tickled her finger and she brought her hand back into the classroom. She set the ladybug down on her desk and watched it crawl around until the bell rang which startled it and it flew off.

She gathered her things and went to the girl's locker room to change out for PE. Now, a small wave of terror was running over her and it was growing ever so larger with every step toward the locker room. She swallowed hard as she stepped inside and went to the small locker marked hers by a small white strip of laminated paper taped onto the door reading 'SIDLE'. She slowly opened the locker and looked around for a pair of clothes to wear. She found her tennis shoes and a pair of shorts. She slipped them on and grabbed a white t-shirt from the back of her locker and threw it on as the other girls were just entering the locker room.

The other girls said nothing as she walked out toward the gym and found her PE teacher walking over to her.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay, then."

She was disappointed- her PE teacher hadn't offered for her to sit out. She walked over to the middle of the gym as the other students walked out.

"Alright, we're having a little physical education exam today, so the boys are going to be joining us," her teacher said.

Now Sara understood by she couldn't sit out- she was going to have to do some stupid exam. She did smile a bit thought- Josh was going to be with her, and that alone would help her make it through the exam.

She got into a line behind some other girls as the PE teacher walked in front of everyone to explain exactly what they were doing.

"Alright, first of all, you guys are going to do five pull-ups."

Sara nodded- she knew she could do them easily, she had a good amount of upper-body strength.

As her turn came up, she walked over to the pull-up bars and slowly lifted her chin over them five times. Her teacher gave her a pat on the back as she ran to the end of the line.

"Alright, next, we're going to be climbing that rope."

He pointed to a long rope suspended from the ceiling in the middle of the room. Sara got in the line again as she watched girls and guys alike try and climb to top. Some fell off, but luckily they were at the bottom and there was a padded mat underneath the rope. Sara's turn came up and she wrapped her legs around the rope as she slowly pulled herself up. As she made her way up with ease, she felt the rope being wiggled around, making it harder to grip the rope with her hands.

She looked down to see almost the entire group of girls shaking it back-and-forth, list-way-and-that trying to make her fall. The PE teacher was blowing his whistle trying to make them stop, but that had no effect on them as they continued.

Sara could feel her grip slipping on the rope and let out a small scream as she fell from only a few centimeters near the top of the ceiling. She landed on the padded mat under her with a thud and the PE teacher quickly ran over to make sure she was unharmed.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah…yeah, I think so," she said standing up.

She heard loud footsteps near her and looked up to see Josh stomping quickly over to Melissa. He punched her square in the jaw and Sara's eyes widened as she grabbed the spot he had punched and held back tears. "You're not so tough now, are you?" he asked, anger in his tone.

She just stared at him, frightened.

"ARE YOU?"

The PE teacher had grabbed both of Josh's arms before he could throw another punch and sent him to the principal's office. Before he walked off, however, Sara saw the small grin he gave her and walked out. Melissa was now in tears and she was escorted to the principal's office with him after she went to the nurse's office.

Sara and the rest of the boys from Josh's class, headed out of the gym and into the locker rooms to get ready for lunch, since they were the only people not involved with the little incident.

Sara sat down on the cold metal bench in the locker room, and when she made sure no one was watching or standing in the room, she burst out laughing, tears running down her cheeks.


	13. November 4, 1984 3:45 pm

Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle 

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!  
**

November 4, 1984- 3:45 pm 

Sara had made it through the school day almost completely unharmed. She was achy from falling almost 10 feet from the floor, but other than that she was in good shape. She was however worried about Josh. What would happen to him? If anything happened, she would undoubtedly feel responsible, as he did this whole thing for her.

She continued walking and kicked a small stone in front of her. It eventually fell into a manhole in the road, so she had nothing else to do to entertain herself. She sighed, wishing that she would hear the sound of skateboard wheels coming up behind her and Josh's familiar voice.

She gasped when she heard something coming up behind her, but then smiled when she saw a panting Josh running toward her with his skateboard in hand.

"Aw, I wanted to surprise you," he said with a smile.

She grinned. "Well, I was just thinking of you. So…" her tone changed. "How did it go in the principal's office?"

He shrugged. "Eh…I'm probably going to get detention, but that's the worst of it."

She sighed. "I'm sorry…"

"Hey, it wasn't your fault, you weren't the one who practically tried to kill someone."

"Yeah, but…I'm the reason you socked her…"

"No you're not, I've wanted to do that for a long time. If I hadn't had a reason for doing it today I was still going to get her eventually, she's an evil little devil spawn."

She smiled. "Yeah."

"So…" He began walking by her side down the street. "Want to do something?"

"What do you mean?" she asked with a tilt of her head.

"Oh, you know…go to a movie or the park or something."

"Um…okay."

"Great."

He smiled at her and put a friendly hand on her shoulder.

"Let me go ask Nancy. I'll be right back."

He nodded and stood outside her house as she ran inside and asked if she could go.

"Nancy!" she called running inside quickly.

Nancy looked up at her, her hair tied in a tight bun and a smear of oil across her face. "What is it?"

"Can I go out with Josh for a while?"

"Uh, yeah, sure, just come home before your father and I start calling the police wondering what happened to our daughter." She grunted and stood up pulling a red toolbox out of a cupboard. "I'm going to go tackle some broken appliances. Have fun."

She walked off and Sara ran outside excitedly.

"Okay! We can go," she said with a smile.

"You look excited," he said with a grin.

"Well I am," she added as they walked onto the sidewalk.

He smiled and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "So…are you feeling achy?"

"From the fall?"

"Yeah."

"Um…not too bad."

"That's good…does your head still hurt?"

"A little, but not much."

"Good."

They continued walking for a bit, but Sara was getting a bit confused as to where exactly they were going. "Hey Josh? Where are we going?"

He smiled. "You'll see."

She continued walking alongside him. They turned the corner passing an old building that used to hold office supplies, and he led her past that street around another corner.

She kept looking back at his face to see if his expression would hint at all to where he was taking her, but he just kept a large grin on his face the whole time, looking straight ahead of him at the road.

Soon, restaurants were in sight and tiny shops. He led her past the buildings and her face lightened up.

"Oh wow…"

She looked to see where they were. He had taken her to the beach. She hadn't been to the beach for at least 9 years, and she had always wanted to go back. When she looked at the ocean the sight she saw was breath-taking.

"How did you know?" she asked looking at him.

He smiled. "I just assumed you might like to come here."

He walked off to the side and Sara stared at the ocean. The sunlight was reflecting off of the blue waves as they came closer to the shore. She saw the seagulls flying around the ocean in perfect circles, looking for tiny scraps of food. The smell of the water and its inhabitants filled the air and she took a deep breath of the ocean air.

"Hey, you just gonna stare or are you coming?" came Josh's voice.

Sara looked at him. He was sitting on an old bench rolling up his pant legs and taking off his shoes. He pulled a sock off before untying the other shoe and pulling that sock off.

"Well?" he asked smiling.

"I'm coming!" she said quickly and took a seat next to him and began pulling her pant legs up and taking off her socks and shoes. He laughed as she fumbled clumsily with her shoelaces as he waited for her. He smiled and grabbed her foot, untying the laces.

"I can do it myself!" she said.

He laughed. "Obviously you need some help; it's taking you forever to get one shoe off!"

She smiled as he slid her shoe off her foot and she pulled the sock off. He grabbed her arm and quickly led her over to the shore where he stopped just as the water was coming in.

"You going in?" he asked.

Sara shrugged. "Only if you do."

"Alright, then!"

He jumped in as soon as he finished talking just in time to catch a big wave. When the water subsided and moved away from the shore, he sat in the damp sand with a crab crawling on his head.

Sara giggled as he pulled the crab off of his head and gave it a look before setting it down on the sand and standing up, brushing the sand off of him.

"Don't just stand there! Come in!" he prompted.

Sara's laughing stopped as she slowly made her way into the water. She stuck a foot in and quickly retreated. "It's freezing!"

He smiled. "Come on, don't chicken out!"

"I'm not!"

"Alright then, prove me wrong, Ms. Sidle."

She smiled and backed up. He frowned thinking she was giving up, but his eyes widened as he saw her running towards him.

"Ah!"

She jumped at him knocking them both into the water. A wave crashed down on them and as the water once again retreated from the shore, they both laughed looking at each other.

"I wasn't expecting that!" he said with a grin.

"I didn't think you were," she added.

They both sat on the damp patch of sand as another wave came up to shore.

"You should wait until sunset," Josh said. "It's the most beautiful thing you'll ever see."

She smiled looking up at the sun in the sky.

"Well…almost the most beautiful thing you'll ever see."

She smiled as he shot her a grin. He got up leaving her to stare at the ocean and all its glory. She didn't hear him walk behind her until the cold ocean water came pouring down on her head.

"Hey!" she said shooting him a look. "That was uncalled for!"

He just laughed as he held up the plastic yellow bucket he used. "Hey, don't blame me, that kid let me borrow this," he said pointing to a small kid who just pouted.

"Hey mister, I didn't know you were going to do that!" he said crossing his arms.

Both Sara and Josh laughed as the kid stomped off after snatching the bucket back from Josh's hand.

"Well, I think that-" Josh couldn't finish his sentence as a gallon of water splashed him right in the face knocking him down. As he spit the water out of his mouth, he could hear Sara giggling. He shot her a look.

"Don't look at me, Mr. Deckard, the kid over there did it," she said pointing to the tiny kid from before who was now building a sand castle.

He grinned as he got up brushing the sand off of him and running after her. She laughed as she started running away from him and the entire beach stared at them running after each other.

When they finally stopped, it was the late evening and they both collapsed on the shore panting with exhaustion. The cold water of the ocean felt refreshing as it brushed against their bodies as it neared the shore.

"The sun will set in a few minutes," Josh said sitting up.

Sara sat up and hugged her knees.

"I've always wanted to show someone the sunset," he said. "My father showed it to me when I was little…that was before he wanted me to be 'Mr. Huge Sports Star'. He had just told me the greatest things in life were free…" he smiled turning to look at her. "I didn't believe him, so he showed me the sunset."

She looked up at him as he continued.

"Afterwards, I ruined the moment."

"How?" she asked tilting her head.

"I asked him if the best things in life were free, how come TV wasn't."

She laughed. "I suppose that sort of does ruin the moment."

He laughed. "I suppose it does."

As the sun began to set, the sky took on different shades of red, orange, and a beautiful purple. The ocean breeze was now growing colder as they sat down on the shore watching the sun fall under the horizon.

"Sara?"

She turned to look at Josh who was now looking at her with a rather sad expression on his face. "What is it, Josh?"

He sighed, moving closer to her. "I…I need to tell you something."

"Anything, Josh. I'm all-ears."

He closed his eyes lowering his head. "I'm moving."

Her eyes widened and she choked on her words. "I…I…what?"

"I'm moving," he said again, his head still lowered.

She smiled- this had to be a joke. He couldn't be leaving. "No, no, this is a joke, isn't it? It has to be, right? I mean…"

He looked up at her with sad eyes and a frown.

"No…no, you can't be leaving…you can't be," she said, her eyes now glistening with tears. "Why?"

"My parents…don't want me staying."

"Why?"

"They…they think you're a bad influence."

"What?" she whispered.

He laughed a little. "Heh, yeah, I know…I laughed when they said it…I told them they were wrong and that I punched Melissa because I wanted to."

She shot him a look, but her eyes were still moist with tears.

"Yeah, I know, bad defense but it was the truth."

"…They think you punched her because of me?" she asked.

He nodded. "But I'm not angry with you, it's not your fault. It's Melissa and her friend's damn fault."

A tear ran down her face as she panicked. "You can't leave, what will I do without you? You're…" she swallowed hard and choked down more tears. "You're the only friend I've ever had!"

"I know…I…I'm sorry, Sara," he said looking at her sad face.

"No, this can't be happening," she said hugging her knees. "This can't be happening, it can't be happening, it can't be happening," she said over and over again. "It's not fair!" she cried, the tears running down her face more quickly now. She didn't try to hold them back anymore.

"Sara…I'm really sorry…I don't want to leave you," Josh said putting a hand on her shoulder and giving it a tight but friendly squeeze.

"No, no, no, no, no, no…" she got up from the damp sand, not bothering to wipe the amount that was over her clothes and she ran to the wooden bench. She grabbed her shoes and slid them on quickly.

"Sara, wait!" Josh said getting up and running over to her. "Please, wait!"

She wrapped her arms around herself as she ran off. She didn't know where she was going, only that she needed to get away- somewhere away from everyone else.

Somewhere away from reality.


	14. Quite Frankly Dear, I Don't Give a Damn

Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle 

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

November 4, 1984- 5:59 pm 

Sara kept running, trying desperately to get the scene out of her mind. Josh couldn't be leaving- he just couldn't be leaving her. It was too much; she couldn't handle it. She didn't know what she would do if he left her.

She kept running, shoes flapping around on the road and bits of damp sand falling out of them. She could hear Josh's voice behind her, pleading for her to come back.

That wasn't going to happen.

She kept running, she had no idea for how long or how far she got, but she finally stopped when she could no longer move her legs and collapsed, leaning against a brick wall in the middle of an alley. Sobbing, she hugged her knees and buried her face in them; not ready to face people, not ready to face the world.

After the sobs stopped racking her body and her breathing slowed, she stared at the ground in front of her. The thoughts and images came flooding back.

No…this can't be happening, it just can't be…things were finally starting to look up… 

She dried a streak of tears from her face away with her shirtsleeve.

And…I…I can't… 

She buried her head again.

_I can't deal with it!  
_

She started crying again. She felt so small, so vulnerable. Someone could've come up and robbed her and she wouldn't have done anything to stop it. She felt so pathetic, so insignificant.

She wrapped her arms around herself. Before, having been running on adrenaline, she had failed to realize how cold she was. But now that she had calmed down somewhat, she noticed that she was shaking mostly from the cold. Her hair and clothes were still damp, and the stinging chill of the night air was not helping the situation.

_Maybe this is time for me to reconsider my rebel street gang idea. I'm all alone now…I truly am. Mom's a murderer, dad's truly gone forever, Daniel's probably in rehab, and Josh is leaving._

She shook the thoughts out of her mind. If she was going to get through this, she needed to stop thinking like that. She stood up and took a deep breath before turning the corner of the alley and walking onto the sidewalk…

WHAM!

She fell to the ground rubbing her head. "Oww…"

"Sara!"

She blinked when she heard his voice. She looked up to see a worried Josh kneeling down beside her.

"Sara, I'm sorry, are you okay?"

She just nodded slowly as she got to her feet with the help of Josh and he rubbed the skin on her head he had rammed in to.

"Listen…Sara, I'm really sorry about all of this, and…I don't want to leave you."

She wiped another streak of tears away from her face. "Then don't."

He sighed. "I just wish it was that simple, Sara."

"Why can't you just talk to your parents?"

He sighed and leaned against the wall. "I…they won't listen to me."

"Why not?"

"I don't know."

He looked at her. "I really want to stay. I'd give anything to stay here with you."

"I know."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he paced back-and-forth. "My older brother's living around here…maybe I can stay at his house with him and his wife…"

Sara face lightened up. "Really?"

He nodded slowly. "My parents shouldn't care…they'd probably be glad to be rid of me. I mean, they wanted me to leave because they didn't want me to be around you, so I guess they care a little bit, but uh…I don't care what they think anymore. Sara, I'm staying here with you."

He never saw it coming.

"WHOA!"

She had jumped at him in a tight hug, knocking him to the ground. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and squeezed him.

"Sara…can't…breathe…"

She quickly let go and stood up. "Sorry."

"It's okay," he said with a grin.

A small sedan rode up to the side of the street, the headlights blinding both Sara and Josh and making them squint.

"Who's that?" Sara asked shielding her eyes from the harsh light.

"Oh great…my parents."

The headlights dimmed and the car didn't even come to a stop as both parents jumped out of the car.

"Josh! You're coming with us right now!" her mother yelled in an angry tone.

"No I'm not," he said simply.

"Yes you are, young man!" his father yelled, throwing in his two cents.

"I'm staying with Frankie and George."

"WHAT?"

Both parent's tones had changed. "You're staying with those low-lives?" yelled his mom.

"Hey, don't you talk about George like that!" Josh yelled. "You're just angry because he followed his dreams and became a lawyer!"

"Yeah, and he passed on that crap to you!" his father yelled.

"I don't care what you say; I'm calling George and Frankie tonight. I'm staying with them."

He walked off, taking Sara by the arm and leading her away with him. "I'll pick my stuff up tomorrow morning."

Sara was looking at him in shock as they walked off, but his parents weren't finished quite yet.

"What about your life, huh? With your _parents!_ What about becoming a star? A star pitcher in the major-leagues?" his father asked.

He turned around and looked at his father with a grin. He gently pulled Sara closer to him and kissed her.

"Quite frankly dear, I don't give a damn."

And with that, Josh walked off with Sara following close behind, almost more shocked than anyone else in the whole group.

"Josh, you…I mean, you…me…" That was all Sara could form. Her cheeks were turning a bright shade of pink.

He laughed. "Yeah, I know."

"So…why did you do it?" she asked.

He grinned. "Why wouldn't I?"

She smiled. They continued walking down the street until they made it to Ted and Nancy's house.

"SARA!"

Nancy ran over to her frantically as did Ted and they looked her over to see if she got hurt at all. "Where have you been, young lady?" Nancy asked, a hand on her hip.

"She was with me, I apologize for keeping her out so late," Josh said. "Sara, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Josh, do you have somewhere to stay?"

"Yeah, I'm just going to walk over to my brother's house right now, it's not too far away and he shouldn't mind my company," he said. "See you at school tomorrow, Sara."

"Okay, bye."

She turned and walked off toward the house with Nancy and Ted, but she stopped when she heard him run back and tug on her arm. "I forgot something," he said.

"What is it?" she asked.

He pulled something out his pocket. Sara couldn't tell what it was. He held up her hand and slid it onto her wrist.

"My great grandmother made it," he said.

It was a beaded bracelet- it had black beads, some of which that were painted, with carvings made into it. Sara could tell it was hand-made.

"Josh, I—"

"I want to give it to you," he said.

Before she could anything as a response, he had run off, leaving her in front of her home.

"So Sara, is that boy your boyfriend?" Nancy asked teasing her.

Sara turned to her, and answered only with a proud grin. She walked into the house, Nancy in close pursuit.

"Wait, you're only 12-years-old, young lady!"

She turned to her when she was at the door to her room, and before closing it, said "Quite frankly dear, I don't give a damn."


	15. November 5, 1984 MPMS Principal Office

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: I just want to say that the white '85 Volvo with squeaky brakes was a tribute to my family. We still have a white '85 Volvo, but it no longer has squeaky brakes. We fixed those ;) Anyways, also in this story, the principal- Mr. Roach- was actually the name of the custodian at my school. I had a principal named Mr. Leach and a janitor named Mr. Roach, lol**

**November 5, 1984- 3:04 pm- Mountain Peak Middle School Principal Office**

Sara was sitting in the chair across from her principal's office chair fiddling with her fingers. She wasn't too happy about being here, but she knew she had to pay the price of her actions...even though she was sure Melissa deserved what she got. She lowered her head and sighed as she heard the receptionist at the front desk lead her foster parents into the principal's office and they walked in looking at Sara before taking a seat.

"I'm glad that you were able to make it here," the principal, Mr. Roach started.

"It's no trouble, just please tell us exactly why Sara is in here?" Nancy started.

"Well..." Mr. Roach folded his hands over one another and sighed. "Sara, why don't you tell them?"

Sara looked up at her foster parents hesitantly before taking a deep breath and starting. "I walked to school today just like I always do...I went to my locker and got my things and started off to my english class."

So far everything seemed alright.

"Everything was okay until I got to PE..."

The principal nodded for her to continue.

"I was changing out and one of the other girls said something...and I got angry so...I...scared her."

"What did they say, exactly?" Mr. Roach asked.

Sara licked her dry lips lowering her head again.

_"What, no bruises today? I'm surprised your foster parents actually care about you enough to not beat the crap out of you!"_

_Sara fist tightened and she got right up in Melissa's face. Melissa was now genuinely scared at the fierce look in Sara's eyes and the intimidating tone in her voice._

_"Don't you dare say anything like that to me again!"_

_Melissa was now making a scene. "Help! Someone help- she's going to stab me just like her psycho mother killed her father!"_

"Do I have to...?" she asked looking up. The principal sighed.

"It would help."

She looked over at Nancy and Ted who looked at her expectingly. She sighed and folded her hands over one another.

"Did she deserve it?"

This sentence confused Sara and she looked up to see a smiling Ted.

"Come on, now- did she deserve it?"

He nudged her gently with a grin and Sara smiled about to continue when...

"Ted!"

Nancy's apalled voice made them all jump.

"Don't condone what she did!"

He nodded. "Sorry, Nance," Ted said. 'Nance' was what he usually called Nancy when he was trying to apologize. When she had turned away, he put a gentle hand on Sara's shoulder and winked at her making her smile.

"Thank you Mr. Roach," Nancy said nodding. "We can handle it from here."

He nodded and watched the group all stand up and walk out of the room.

"Sara..."

Sara looked up at Nancy who sighed.

"Now, I'm not saying that what you did was wrong and I'm not saying what you did was right..." she sighed rubbing her head. "I think we should look into counseling."

Sara was apalled. "What? Counseling? You can't-"

"Sara, please...I think it would help...you need to get this out. I know that day was really hard for you, and...you never really talked about it...I think it would be good for you."

Nancy had now kneeled down beside Sara and put a hand on her shoulder. Sara shook out of her grasp and walked off. How did Nancy even know that what Melissa said or did may have been associated with that day anyway?

"Sara, please!"

Sara turned around to look at a pleading Nancy.

"Please, Sara..."

"You're not my real parents, I don't have to listen to you! You have no right to penetrate those boundaries! You have no idea what happened, so stay out of my life!"

She stormed off leaving a stunned Nancy and Ted speechless.

"Ted...I didn't mean-"

"Shh...Nancy it's okay." Ted pulled Nancy close to her and rubbed her back. "It's okay."

Sara ran off, tears forming in her eyes. She stopped when she reached Josh's new home and knocked on the door lightly. The door opened and Josh's eyes widened.

"Sara?"

She buried herself in his arms.

"Sara, it's okay," he said hugging her. "Come in and tell me what happened."

She walked into the house and he closed the door. She sat down on a brown couch and looked around the house through tear-stained eyes. The house looked relatively new. The walls looked to have been recently re-painted and the furniture was in good condition.

Josh had come back into the living room with a glass of water which he handed to Sara.

"Okay, what happened?"

She took a deep breath before sipping some of the water. "You know what happened at PE today?"

He nodded.

"My foster parents came to the principal's office...and...afterwards Nancy said she wanted me to go to counseling."

He put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"I'm turning into her, Josh!"

He wiped a tear from her cheek. "Who?"

_"Her!"_

"You mean...your mother?"

She broke down in sobs as he said the word and she just nodded between the racking of her body from crying.

"After she was arrested, she...she went to a mental instituition for a while...she was getting evaluated..."

He rubbed the small of her back as she continued.

"I'm not crazy, Josh! I don't need counseling! Obviously everyone else thinks differently! They have no idea what happened-"

"Shh..." He gently pulled her closer and whispered in her ear. "You're not crazy. No one thinks you are, okay?" She nodded slowly. "Okay, Nancy and Ted are just concerned, Sar," he said hugging her gently.

"Did you just call me 'Sar'?"

He smiled. "I believe I did."

She giggled a little and he continued. "They know what happened to you on that day was hard. They just want to make sure that you're okay, that you're dealing with it. They don't know what happened, that's true...but you have to understand that they want to help make things right again."

"But they never will be," she whispered.

"Yes they will, if you let someone help you. You can't do this alone, Sara." She turned to look up at him and he wiped another tear from her face. "Okay?"

She slowly nodded and caught her breath. "Okay."

"Good. Talking about it may be a good thing, y'know? Get it out...just put it on the table. You may even feel better after you go, y'know?"

She nodded.

"Okay, good," he said. "Now wipe those tears away, I don't want George seeing you like this."

She smiled and wiped the tears away as a door slammed.

"Damn it! Little devil got off on parole-"

"Bro! Shut it, we've got company!"

Sara giggled a little as she saw his older brother walk through the door. He was a well-dressed man and clean-shaven at that. He wore a brown suit with a matching tie and golden shirt cuffs. He wore polished dark brown dress shoes.

"Oh! I'm sorry," he said bowing his head slightly. He walked over and ruffled Josh's hair. "So uh, who's this little lady?"

"Don't do that!" Josh said meaning him ruffling his hair. "This, my friend, is Sara."

"Oh! The legendary Sara Sidle, how could I not have noticed such a legend?" George said walking over to her and shaking her hand. "Well, how are you doing this fine evening?"

"Good."

"That's good, well, uh...you ever need anyone sued, I'm your man," he said handing her a white business card that clearly said _George Richard Deckard- Attorney at Law._ "Yup, I'll sue their little asses into the ground."

Sara giggled and Josh just shot him a look.

"Heeeeeelllllloooo!" Sara looked up to see a red-haired woman walk through the doorway. "Little Joshie's got company! This must be Sara!"

She walked around the room to greet Sara. Sara held her hand out for a shake but instead the woman pulled her into a tight hug, her red-painted fingernails felt through her thin shirt.

"Frankie, uh...you might want to let her breathe some, you know- people like to do that some times," Josh said rolling his eyes.

"I'm sorry, hon!" Frankie said letting her go. "My, aren't you a pretty girl! Josh was right!"

"FRANKIE!"

"Oh, sorry Joshie," she said with a smile and walked off.

"QUIT CALLING ME THAT!" Josh yelled and then turned to Sara clearing his throat. "So anyways, Sara...you've met the whole gang. Want to stay for dinner?"

She thought about it for a minute and smiled. "I'd like that, Joshie," she said with a smirk. "But I need to go apologize to someone," she said standing up. "See you later Joshie," she teased and walked off.

"See you later Sar."

Sara smiled at the mention of her new nickname and walked off down the street with her hands in her pockets. She sighed and looked at the sky. It was getting darker which meant Nancy was half-way through dinner if they weren't out looking for her. She rounded the corner to her home and opened the door.

"Hello?"

The smell of spaghetti and garlic bread filled her nostrils and Nancy ran over to her hugging her tightly.

"SARA! Sweet lord, I'm so glad you're okay!"

"Yeah, uh...I'm sorry about earlier..."

"No, it's alright," Nancy said. "But...would you mind if we scheduled an appointment with that counselor?"

She sighed but shook her head slowly. "I guess it'd be alright."

"Okay! Go get your father and we'll eat dinner!"

Sara nodded and with a weak smile went down the hall to find her father.

But she still wasn't too keen on the idea.


	16. November 7, 1984 Happy Campers

Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle 

**Rating: T  
Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters! **

**A/N: The pictures described in this office are pictures I have actually seen, and I swear- THEY DON'T MAKE YOU FEEL HAPPY. Also, there is a cat in the building, and I thought I could work the idea into the story for a nice addition to the background.**

November 7, 1984- Happy Campers Counseling Center 

Sara sat in the waiting room looking at the floor. She didn't want to be here, she didn't need to be here. The only reason she went was to please Nancy.

She sighed deeply as the ticking of the clock on the wall became increasingly annoying. The building was called _Happy Campers Counseling Center. _Sara didn't see anything happy about the building. The walls were white, and plastered on them were the most depressing pictures Sara had seen in her life.

One of the pictures was of a little girl holding her baby doll tightly to her chest. It was drawn in a blue pen, and then charcoal effects and shadowing were later added. Sara tilted her head to get a better look at it- the little girl looked like her mother and father had just died and she was all alone, as if she let go of that tiny doll her whole world would fall apart.

Another picture, positioned just to the right of the other, was of a little boy, again in the blue pen and charcoal. He was sitting on the ground staring at what was in front of him with his legs crossed Indian-style. His chin was rested on his right arm, and he had a defeated, sad expression on his face.

There was a small wooden table with pamphlets in small holders about children going through their parent's divorce and another talking about how this building was supposed to provide a safe outlet for the children who went there- a place where they could talk and let everything out and have someone to listen to them.

Sara didn't want to talk to anyone about what happened on September 16, 1984 at the Sidle residence, thank you very much.

Sara looked around the rest of the building- behind the glass windows lay the receptionist's office, and inside was a fat white cat lying on one of the desks. He looked so spoiled; he turned and looked at Sara and hissed. If no one else was in the room Sara would've hissed back at the cat, but she refrained from doing so since there was another group of people sitting on the ugly leather couches with her.

She looked at the clock on the wall again- her appointment was supposed to start about twenty minutes before. She debated on leaving the building- this seemed like a very appetizing idea at the moment. Still, something told her to stay. She wasn't sure if it was the fact that Josh told her that this may help or the fact that Nancy really wanted her to go.

After fumbling with her shoelaces on her sneakers for about fifteen minutes, the thick white door leading to the rooms where the sessions were held flew open. A woman about 5'6" stepped out of the room tucking some of her black hair behind her ear. She smiled kindly at Sara- Sara could only guess that this was to try and lighten the mood of the overly depressing atmosphere- and she motioned with her finger for Sara to follow her.

Sara got up sighing and walked over to the door. The woman's small figure disappeared from the doorway and she walked down a long hallway covered in ugly wallpaper. She opened the door to her office and Sara stepped inside.

"Take a seat, hon."

Sara rolled her eyes (of course when she was out of the woman's sight), and took a seat on the couch at the far end of the room. She sat with her legs pressed tightly to her chest and she wrapped her arms around her knees. She didn't know what it was, but there was something about this whole thing- something about the room maybe- that was giving her an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

The woman sat down in her office chair across from Sara with her clipboard in hand. She slipped on some thin glasses and grabbed a blue pen from a drawer before clearing her throat.

"Alright Sara, my name is Renee, and I want you to know that you can talk about anything in here, I'm only here to listen, I'm not here to judge you."

That was a first.

"Alright, so…your mother, Nancy-"

"She's not my mother."

Sara didn't mean for it to slip out, it just did. The woman nodded a little. "I'm sorry- foster mother- said something happened to you that put you into foster care."

"Doesn't something generally happen to people who have to go to foster care?" Sara shot back rolling her eyes.

"I suppose so." The woman wrote something down on the piece of paper clipped on her clipboard before continuing. "She said it might be best to talk about it."

"I don't want to."

She nodded and leaned forward a bit. "You know Sara- a lot of people have to deal with things. Divorced parents, bullies at school, abusive relationships- and we all have to just move on."

"Okay, then let's move on."

The woman shook her head slowly and continued. "But they can't move on alone, they need someone to listen to them, to help them get through it. You, Sara, are not invincible. You can't go through this alone. You're only 12-years-old."

Sara looked at the woman from under the dark locks of hair that were now in her eyes, camouflaging the somewhat angry expression on Sara's face.

"Please, can you talk to me about it?"

Sara lowered her head and sighed, slowly rocking herself back-and-forth as she thought.

"Why do you do that?"

Sara raised her head up to look at the woman who was staring at her. "Why do I do what?" Sara asked.

"Why do you rock yourself back-and-forth hugging your knees?"

"Why does it matter?"

"It matters to me, I'm curious."

"It's a habit."

"How did you form this habit?"

"I know what you're doing and I don't like it."

The woman was taken-aback by Sara's statement. She suddenly found beads of sweat dripping down her face and she was fumbling with her papers trying to find out what to do or say next.

Sara was glaring at the woman with her small brown orbs covered with her thick brown hair. She wasn't letting up one second- she didn't want to talk about it and this woman wasn't going to do or say anything that would make her change her mind.

"I…" the woman stuttered trying to find the right words. She turned around and went through the folders and papers on her desk, as if some small piece of paper held her answer. Behind her, Sara sat with her head buried in her knees sighing deeply as yet again another person was trying to figure out the mystery that was Sara Sidle.

The woman continued looking through her desk and even considered looking on her computer for the answer of what to do next, when the door opened and Sara walked out of the room leaving the woman behind, her glasses sliding off of her face and her make-up smeared from sweating so much.

Sara walked out of the building. After hearing the satisfying slam of the heavy door to the building, she nodded and walked off with her hands in her pockets. She remembered her last glance of the clock on the wall before she left the building and knew that it was dinnertime. She continued walking until she saw the familiar outline of her home in the distance and walked through the entryway after opening the door.

Sara had been hoping to sneak by Nancy undetected, but she was not victorious.

"Sara! How'd it go?" Nancy asked walking over to her as one of her arms was stretched behind her stirring what Sara suspected to be dinner.

"You really want to know?"

"Yes, tell me!" Nancy said nodding.

"The shrink sucked."

And with that, Sara left Nancy standing in the kitchen stunned. Sara walked over to her room and opened her door, slamming it shut behind her and collapsing onto her bed, welcoming the darkness that had been threatening to consume her exhausted form.


	17. November 7, 1984 9:30 pm

Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle 

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

November 5, 1984- Residence of Nancy and Ted Wilcoff- 9:30 pm 

Sara started stirring. She groaned as she lifted her head from the small pillow lying under her and she squinted as her eyes adjusted to the faint light coming into the room from underneath her closed door. She yawned quietly as she sat upright on the bed and looked at her digital clock- she had been out for almost four hours, but she didn't mind, she needed the rest and she didn't want to discuss in detail what happened at the counseling center.

"Ted, what're we going to do?"

Sara tilted her head a bit as she heard Nancy's concerned and confused voice from behind her door in the hallway.

"I don't know Nance, we'll think of something."

"You heard what the therapist said…how the session went…"

"Don't worry about it Nancy."

"But Ted-"

"She's just insecure about it, alright? How would you feel if something like that happened to you?"

Nancy sighed. "I guess you're right…okay."

Sara rolled her eyes- they didn't know the half of it. Insecure? Well of course she felt insecure, who wouldn't?

She slowly got to her feet and threw her door open making both Nancy and Ted jump. They stared at her as she squinted at the harsh light coming from the lamps and the lights above her. She brushed some hair away from her face as she made her way to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and grabbed the carton of orange juice and poured herself a big glass. She drank it quickly, quenching her thirst and the harsh dryness of her throat.

"I made you a sandwich," Nancy said handing Sara a plate. Sara just nodded as she grabbed the peanut butter and jelly sandwich from her and began to slowly eat it.

Ted and Nancy looked at each other before they both went back to the things they were doing to try and make it look like they weren't watching Sara like hawks. Sara swallowed the bit of the sandwich that was in her mouth. She stared at both Nancy and Ted who quickly looked away once they noticed she made eye contact with them.

Ted had pulled an apple out from the fruit bowl and was looking around for a knife in one of the drawers. He muttered to himself as he looked around for it and finally found what he was looking for in one of the overhead cupboards. He pulled out a large knife from the holder in the cupboard and began to wash the apple at the sink.

Sara had picked up her plate and walked over to the sink to get a paper towel to serve as a napkin. The color drained from her face when she saw the large knife sitting on a dishtowel next to her. She backed away, her hands trembling and she dropped the plate holding her sandwich making it shatter into pieces.

Ted quickly looked over at Sara at the sound of the shattering glass. "Sara? Sara, are you okay?"

Sara backed away more, her eyes still fixed on the knife. She felt the need to run.

"Sara? Sara, what's wrong?" Nancy asked approaching her as Ted picked up the tiny remains of the plate.

Sara's gaze was not faltering- her eyes stayed on the knife. She kept backing up until her back hit the wall, which made her jump. She could feel her heart beating quicker and louder than before and she was sweating like crazy. She had nauseous feeling in her stomach and she ran down the hallway into the bathroom.

Nancy quickly followed and when she walked into the bathroom, she discovered Sara leant over the toilet emptying the contents of her stomach.

Sara couldn't stop retching- the thought of that night, the awful things they had said to each other, the blood- oh god there was so much blood- the loud sirens blaring, the social services worker, the flash of the silver blade digging into her father's chest again and again…

"Sara, it's okay."

Sara hadn't even noticed the tears running down her cheeks until Nancy was helping to wipe them away. She held her hair back as she continued to retch, her body shaking violently each time.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Sara's body was exhausted and she fell back against the bathroom wall panting. Ted and Nancy were both by her side now. "Ted, take her to her room."

Ted nodded and slowly moved around Nancy to Sara. He wrapped his arms around her limp but shaking form and carried her to her room as Nancy wetted a rag. As he set Sara down on her bed, he wrapped her in a blanket. Nancy ran back into the room setting the wetted rag on Sara's head before disappearing into the kitchen. When she had returned she came back with a small bucket, which she set down next to Sara's bed on the floor.

The left her alone after her body had stopped shaking as much, but they kept her door cracked so it would be easy to check up on her. Sara lay in her bed tossing and turning all night. She couldn't get the images out of her mind. She had tried so hard to just forget it all and now it was coming back to haunt her.

November 6, 1984- 10:30 am 

"Sara?"

Sara stirred at the sound of the familiar whisper.

"Sara?"

She slowly opened her eyes, squinting at the sunlight coming into the room. The person standing in her room closed the blinds allowing her to see the room better without squinting at the light.

"Sara, are you okay?"

Sara slowly sat up rubbing her head. "I think so…"

"You gave Nancy and Ted quite a scare there, Sar."

Sara smiled a little at the mention of her new nickname again. "And how would you know that, Joshie?"

He smiled. "I came by this morning to see if you wanted to do something, but Nancy told me about what happened last night."

She nodded, lowering her head a little. "I see."

"Are you okay now?"

"I…I don't know."

Josh walked to the edge of her bed and took a seat. "They…they mentioned a knife…that…that you freaked out when you saw the knife."

Sara looked up at Josh like an abandoned puppy found in an alley.

"Sara, was…was that the reason you got sick?"

She sighed. "It…it was a combination of things…the shrink at that stupid 'Happy Campers' place was horrible…when I got there I just felt…I didn't feel right, I…I felt really insecure and…I even felt sick. I didn't want to talk about it…I…I snapped at the shrink."

Josh nodded.

"And then…I came home and I guess I made a scene…I went to my room and fell asleep and then I got up later. I walked into the kitchen and Nancy handed me a sandwich she had made me. I knew I should eat even though I wasn't hungry and I began nibbling at the sandwich…the whole time having Nancy and Ted watch over me like a hawk. But then…Ted was looking for a knife to cut his apple and…and the thoughts of that night just came flooding back."

Josh put a hand on her shoulder. "But it's over."

"I know, but…I can't get those images out of my mind…the awful things they said to each other…and to me…the…the smell of iron in the air…the blood- god Josh, there was so much blood!"

Sara had now broken down in sobs and Josh put a comforting arm around her. "Hey, hey, it's okay, shh…"

Sara slowly calmed down and as she did she laughed a little attempting to lighten up the mood. "You're good at this."

He smiled. "I've been at it a while."

Sara smiled and then narrowed her eyes sighing. "I'm sorry I'm doing this to you, I…I shouldn't have brought you into this-"

"Sara, it's okay, I don't mind. I'm your friend, this is what friends do."

Sara would not have known that if he hadn't said that since Josh was the only friend she ever had; she was still new to the friend world.

"Sara, listen, uh…"

Sara looked up to see a blushing Josh.

"I uh…there's this thing at my church in December around Christmas time and…uh…" Josh was stuttering as he walked back-and-forth in the room rubbing his head. "I uh…it's a Christmas dinner and I just…I wanted to know if…"

Sara looked at him smiling as he continued to stutter and choke on his words.

"If uh…you and I could…you know…go…together?" Josh finished. He swallowed hard thinking to himself about how this whole attempt at asking Sara to the Christmas dinner had been ruined.

"Of course, Josh."

Josh's eyes widened as Sara said those words. "I uh…really?"

Sara giggled. "Yes."

He smiled as a flush of red appeared back in his cheeks and he again began to choke on his words. "Okay, uh…it's…it's uh…on the twentieth of December, I'll uh…I'll uh…come get you around 5:30."

She smiled. "Sounds good."

"Okay, uh…bye."

Josh walked out of the house quickly as Sara sat in her room giggling to herself.

She never saw Josh jump up and down or hear his cheers of glee.


	18. November 29, 1984 6:45 am

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: In this chapter, I wanted to show how big a character Josh plays in Sara's life and I wanted to touch up on some of Sara's past (which you will know what I'm talking about as you read further into the chapter) leading up to her working at the crime lab in Vegas. I wanted to show how emotional Sara could get about certain situations, such as the ones she does in the series. Ths kid described in this chapter in her history class is based off of someone my sister knows in real life- a kid goes to her high school and had the same points of view as the character does (which by the way, I think is total b.s.). Anyways, here's the next chapter!**

**November 29, 1984- 6:45 am**

Sara rolled out of bed that morning and fixed the creases in the sheets as she made it up and got ready to take her shower. After making sure that the bed was made-up nicely, she ran into the bathroom and started the faucets to warm the water up for her shower. She ran back to her bedroom and searched through her closet to find the clothes she would wear to school that day, and picked out a pair of dark jeans and a orange-red blouse. She ran back into the bathroom (she was putting on quite a show for Ted who was in his bedroom fixing his tie), and she closed the door as she grabbed a towel and wash-cloth.

Before stepping into the shower, she slipped off the beaded bracelet Josh had given her. She felt bad to take it off, but she didn't want to ruin it. Taking it off made her feel naked; the bracelet gave her a strong sense of reassurance. It was almost as if the bracelet reminded her that Josh was always with her, that he was really her friend and that this wasn't some sick, twisted dream.

As she emerged from the shower, steam erupted from the closed shower door and she grabbed her towel wrapping it around herself. She immediately made a grab for the bracelet after she made sure her hands were dry, her hand hovering above it and grabbing it as if something had bitten her hand. She slid it on her wrist and grinned a little as she stared at it momentarily before opening the door and looking around the corners of the hallway to make sure the coast was clear and ran into her room, closing the door behind her.

She quickly slipped on her clothes and fumbled with her shoelaces until she had made sure that her sneakers were tied securely on her feet. She opened her door after grabbing a hair brush and started brushing out the now damp, long strands of brown hair. She walked back into the bathroom and grabbed the blow-dryer as she contined to comb out her hair as she dried it.

After killing about twenty minutes, Sara walked into the kitchen to find Nancy yet again fixing breakfast. She sat down at the kitchen table and Nancy smiled as she walked over to her bringing her a plate and a glass of orange juice.

"Thanks," Sara said taking the glass and gulping it down. She looked down at the plate in front of her and noted that there was far too much food on the plate for one person- it looked as though Nancy had fixed an entire pan of scrambled eggs for her, given her at least seven pieces of bacon, four pieces of sausage, and two pieces of buttered toast.

"Nancy..."

"Yes?" Nancy asked looking up from the frying pan currently on the stove.

"Uh...this can't all be for me," Sara said motioning to the food in front of her.

"Yep, it is. I have told you so many times to get more meat on your bones but your eating habits are still the same! Now eat up, I'm making pancakes and waffles as we speak."

Sara looked at her in disbelief- she couldn't _possibly _expect her to try and pack all of this food down her tiny body. She slowly rose her fork and poked at her scrambled eggs, suddenly not very hungry; the thought of packing so much food down herself made her feel a little sick.

Ted walked into the kitchen fixing his hair with a small black comb which he always kept in the pocket of his brown slacks. He straightened out the sides of his black business jacket and fixed his tie.

"Coffee's made," Nancy said handing him a travel mug.

"Thanks, Nance."

"Uh...Ted?" Sara said.

Ted turned to face Sara as he blew on his coffee, desperately awaiting the addicting taste and aroma of the black liquid bliss.

"Uh...Nancy wants me to eat all of this plus waffles and pancakes!"

Now, Sara wasn't one to tattle, but she honestly couldn't persuade Nancy on her own that she was fine the way she was and that she couldn't eat this much food. Ted smiled at Sara and then turned to look at Nancy putting a hand on his hip.

"Now, Nance...this is harrassment."

Nancy looked apalled. "Harrassment? I'm trying to put more meat on her bones!"

"She can't eat that much Nance, leave the kid alone."

Nancy gave Ted her best death glare before Ted walked over to her and pecked her on the lips.

"G'bye, Nance."

Nancy was still glaring at him, but Sara knew they were just playing and that it would all be forgotten by dinner that night...unlike two certain somebodys Sara once knew...

"Have a good day, kiddo," Ted said giving Sara a hug and then walking out of the house while he climbed into his white Volvo.

"Well...at least eat something," Nancy said looking at Sara.

Sara grinned and grabbed a piece of toast. "Okay." She ran into the hallway and grabbed her backpack and walked out of the house. She smiled to herself as she ate the piece of toast and made her way to school. She normally wouldn't be happy about going to school, but on this day, she had so many other things to occupy her mind. Josh had asked her to the Christmas dance at his church- no one had ever asked her to do anything like that for as long as she had lived. For once she might get to spend the Christmas as a happy 12-year-old, not a sad, lonely, insecure child coming from an abusive family.

"SARA!"

Sara heard Josh's voice coming closer and closer before she turned around to actually see where he was. She didn't, however, get a good glimpse of his position because before she knew it, Josh had run into her sending them both to the ground.

"Oh my god, Sara! Are you okay?" Josh asked looking her over for injuries.

"I'm fine, Joshie," she said with a smile as he helped her up.

He was panting, but he smiled. "Okay, good...I'm sorry, I-"

"It's okay."

He nodded a little, embarrassed. "Okay, uh...then, shall we?" he asked motioning to the ground ahead of them.

"We shall."

They made their way to school, and they both went their seperate ways when they had to go to their lockers. Josh still kept Sara in his view, though- his big brother instincts told him to never let her out of his sight for fear something may happen. Sara found this humorous and cute at the same time- he was always near her and this made her feel safe.

She opened up her locker and put her things away before closing it up- it was a brief stop at her locker today. She headed off down the hallway to her history class and before she entered the classroom, she heard and saw Josh make a Fonz impression before disappearing around the corner. Sara giggled as she made her way into the classroom before her expression changed- great, the Wicked Witch of the West was wearing the perfume that always gave Sara a headache. Today, Sara was glad that she always sat in the back of the classroom because she wanted to be as far away from the smell and the woman as she possibly could. Sara wondered if the woman had mixed the concoction on her own, thinking to herself while smirking evily _That Sidle girl always gets a headache with this!_

Sara rolled her eyes at the insane thought, but part of her was still uncertain if it was true...it didn't seem that out there to tell the truth...

Sara looked down at the bracelet on her wrist and looked at the carvings on each individual bead- she could only imagine the grueling time and patience his grandmother must have put into creating such a small but beatiful piece of work. She ran her hands over each of the carvings, feeling their smoothed edges and soft but deep impresions left in each bead.

She slid it off her wrist, again feeling not as secure as before, but she held it securely in her hands as she inspected it further. She noted that the carvings looked to be japanese characters, and Sara wondered what they symbolized.

"Sara, come up here, please," the Wicked Witch of the West croaked.

Sara swallowed hard and slid the bracelet back on her wrist- she would need Josh with her for this one all the way!

"O-Okay..." she said quietly as she made her way up to the front of the class. She stood where the Wicked Witch instructed her to and then looked around through the students in the classroom until she picked another.

"Brad, come up here."

Sara sighed deeply- she had never known too much about Brad, but she did know one thing- he did not have a good reputation around the school. Sara never had really gotten a good vibe from him either, something told her to the moment she saw him that she would dislike him. The kid made his way through the rows of desks and kids as he attempted to hide the wad of gum he had in his mouth. He hid it under his tongue, which Sara quickly noticed, and he made his way to the front of the classroom with his hands in the pockets of his baggy jeans. He ran a hand through his dark red hair and smiled. "Yes?"

"I would like you and Sara to have a debate."

Sara tilted her head a bit in curiosity.

"I would like you too to discuss your different views on women's rights."

Sara could speak volumes about women's rights, heck she could write a humugous book on it, but she was a bit afraid of what Brad would say about the subject himself. If he said something to set her off...

"Sara, go first."

Sara nodded and cleared her throat a little. "Well, uh...I believe that women should have just as many rights as men. They shouldn't be singled out just because they're of a different gender, they play a just-as-important role in society that men do."

Right away Brad had scoffed at her words. Sara turned and looked at the other member of the debate who only rose his hand, eager to get his words out.

"Go ahead, Brad," the Wicked Witch said.

"Alright, what this girl here doesn't know," Brad said pointing to Sara. "Is that men do all the work- they bring home to dough, they fix the cars, there's really nothing they don't do. Now, I think it's easy to understand why she doesn't know this." He looked straight at Sara. "Because she's a female."

Sara was apalled at that statement and would have lunged at him like a tiger at his prey, but she didn't. Instead, she thought this out rationally and decided to give him what-for with her superior vocabulary and her stronger political views, but he would still get a mouthful.

"Women get jobs too, and they clean the house, they help to support a family- heck they give birth to their children, and they play a much bigger part in this world than the one you have stated, Mr. Hogan."

Brad was taken-aback at the firm yet calm tone in Sara's voice as she spoke. She had used his last name, now he felt this was serious.

"And all women should do is stay at home and clean."

Sara's eyes widened-- he did **not** just say that...

"Ex...excuse me?"

"All women should do is stay home and clean and take care of the kids."

With her jaw slightly dropped, she slowly walked closer and closer to Brad, her right hand rising and pointing straight at him.

"What makes you think that, huh? What if I said something like that about men? How would that make you feel? It'd piss you off, wouldn't it?"

The Wicked Witch of the West was now looking more like the Wicked Witch of the West- her skin was getting a green tint to it.

"Wouldn't it?" Sara asked again, now right up in his face. "Everyone's entitled to their opinions and I respect that, but I'm not going to just stand here and watch as you bash every single member of the female race spreading your bull crap!"

She left him staring at her with big eyes as she walked out of the classroom. Once outside, she took a deep breath, letting off some steam. She walked through the halls to the bathroom and walked inside. She cupped her hands and filled them with water and washed her face. After cooling down- both emotionally and physically- she dried her face off with a paper towel and walked out into the hallway. The classes were letting out and she grabbed her things from the history classroom and made her way to her next class.

As school progressed, nothing else like that happened. She went to her math class and then PE, which went over quite well. Melissa had backed off ever since she had stuck up for herself, and that was weight off her shoulders. She made her way to the lunchroom where she sat with Josh and talked a while as they ate their lunch.

"So Josh, um...I was wondering what these characters meant on the bracelet. I know they're japanese, I just don't know what they mean," Sara said holding the bracelet up.

"Ah..." Josh slowly took the bracelet from her tiny hands and held it up so she could see. "You see, this one..." he said turning it around and pointing to a single bead and its carving. "Means 'honesty'."

Sara nodded as he continued to look at the beads and their carvings. "This one means 'innocence'..." he turned it to another. "'Kindness'...'wisdom'...'beauty'..." And he blushed as he found the last one.

"What does that one mean?" Sara asked.

He turned to face her and his cheeks were flushed with the bright redness of embarrassment and shyness. "...'Love'."

She smiled and slowly took it back from him. He looked around nervously before she put a hand on his shoulder. "Thank you, I was curious."

He smiled as he noticed that she wasn't making this into a big deal and began eating his lunch again. "So I heard you bitch-slapped Brad."

She shot him a look.

"What? The news was everywhere!"

She smiled. "I suppose I did."

"Did he deserve it?"

She smiled at him. "Don't you think I would only have done it if he deserved it?"

He grinned. "Of course."

They finished their lunches and made their way to their last classes of the day. As the end of the school-day came, Josh bid Sara farewell as they approached his house, sending her hellos from both Frankie and George. She made her way home, barely walking through the door before Nancy had asked her how her day was at school.

"Just another day in paradise," she replied with a smile and walked down the hallway to her bedroom and dropped her backpack on the floor.


	19. December 18, 1984 Ted and Nancy's House

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**December 18, 1984- Residence of Ted and Nancy Wilcoff**

Sara sat in her room on her tiny bed. She had next to her a large stack of books that her english teacher had given her as a Christmas present- he claimed that she would enjoy them. Sara had taken the books hesitantly, still not very used to accepting gifts from someone. For so many years she had just imagined getting gifts, watching the other kids run around with their new toys and such. But this year was different.

Sara had gotten the bracelet from Josh- that was something she would cherish forever. The books she got would always stay on her bookshelf, she was not planning on getting rid of them.

Sara tilted her head a bit as she read, intrigued by the story until the light turned on making her squint. She set the book down and covered her eyes and face, hissing.

"Turn out the light!"

Nancy raised a brow as she walked into her room after turning the light on. "No, you're going to hurt your eyes. What are you, a vampire?"

"No, but I'm reading about one."

Nancy walked over to her and picked the book up Sara was reading.

"Dracula? You're telling me you never read Bram Stoker's finest work."

Sara shook her head with a grin. "My parents didn't exactly buy me books." She took the book back and opened it up. "Turn off the light, please?"

"Why?"

"Adds to the effect."

Nancy sighed rolling her eyes and walked out after turning off the light. She poked her head in one more time and smiled saying, "The hissing was a nice touch." Sara smiled at her before returning to her book, her lips curled in a grin as she continued to indulge herself in the literature.

After a while, she frowned as she finished the book and sighed as she closed it, lowering her head. She looked to the diminishing stack of the books she had not read yet, when a thought struck her mind- she still needed to get something for Josh.

Sighing, she closed her eyes to think. What would he like? She had no idea what to get him. She felt a bit embarrassed- he was her friend and she had no idea what he would like for Christmas.

Then again...Sara had never before had a friend to buy for for Christmas.

Sara got up pacing back-and-forth. She rubbed her head and then she gasped- she knew what to do!

She dropped to her knees and threw things out of the bookcase and closet, trying desperately to find it. A shirt flew over her left shoulder, a sneaker over her right. Her room was soon littered with clothes, shoes, and many other items as Sara searched her room for it.

"Come on, come on..." Sara said as she searched through a drawer. She lunged at her closet, grunting as she lifted a large box out of her way and searched behind it- nothing. She felt like screaming and/or ripping her hair out as her search came up empty.

Ted and Nancy heard grunts and other noises of frustration coming from Sara's room and they looked at each other in confusion as the sounds continued. They even considered going into her room, and they finally did when they heard her gasp.

"What is it?" Ted asked, baseball bat in hand, Nancy by his side.

"I found it!" Sara said triumphantly. She looked at Ted's baseball bat and smirked. "You, uh...planning on using that thing, Ted?"

Ted blinked and put the baseball bat down walking out. Nancy shook her head. "You scared us, young lady!"

She walked out and Sara smiled to herself as she held the item in her hand- it was all she really had, and it wasn't much, but it meant a lot to her and she wanted Josh to have it. She hugged the item against her chest and took a deep breath, all of the memories with the item coming back to her. She sort of frowned at some of the remembrance, but it was soon forgotten as she set it on her bed and begin looking for something to wrap it with.

"Sara, we're going to our parent's on Sunday, so-"

"I'm going to the Christmas party with Josh."

"Oh..."

"But he said I could stay at his brother's with him and his wife if I wanted to afterwards."

"Oh, okay, you're sure you'll be okay over there?"

She put a hand on her hip and grinned. "I'll be fine."

Nancy nodded and walked off and Sara again lunged for her closet looking for something to wrap the gift in. What she found was perfect- it was a solid red gift bag (Sara had no idea where it had come from), and she ran into the kitchen looking for something to serve as tissue paper.

"Tissue paper! Need! Now!"

Ted walked out of the kitchen holding a pint of ice cream, spoon half-way to his mouth. He looked at Sara and swallowed a spoonful. "Sorry, kiddo- none here."

Nancy walked out of the closet handing her some tissue paper and Sara thanked her before grabbing it and running off. Nancy walked into the kitchen.

"Ted, I'm fixing dinner so-" And then she saw the pint of ice cream.

Ted smiled nervously, wiping some of it off of his face. "Want some?"

Sara grabbed the gift and stared at it for a moment. It would be so hard giving this up. She hugged it again and then planted a kiss on its head before she gently placed it in the bag and stuffed it with yellow tissue paper. She grabbed a marker from the small desk in her room and wrote on the bag 'To Joshie'. She smiled and clicked the cap onto the marker and then set it down by her bed. She turned around and looked at the room in front of her.

"Now it's time to clean up," she said rolling her eyes at the mess in front of her. She hadn't realized the mess she was making _while _she had been making it. She grabbed the stray sneakers and threw them in her closet as she picked up her shirts and put them on hangers, hanging them up niceley in her closet. She picked up the other items that had made it onto the floor and set them in their rightful places.

"How did you do tha?" Ted asked standing in her doorway with the pint of cookie-dough ice cream.

"It's a gift," she said with a smile.

"Okay, uh...well maybe you have a gift for convincing people that when someone eats a pint of ice cream as their wife's fixing dinner doesn't mean that they don't want their wife's super-dooper-tasty dinner."

Sara grinned. "I'll try my best."

She walked out of the room and Ted followed her thanking her as she walked off. She made her way to the kitchen as Nancy was placing the plates on the table.

"Nancy, don't you think Ted should get to eat--"

"TED!"

Sara was cut-off mid-sentece because Nancy yelled.

"Don't use her to get food!" Nancy yelled. Ted looked down at the floor like a dog with its tail between its legs. "Go watch Top Gun on the big screen with your cookie-dough!"

He frowned and whimpered like a small dog. Sara looked at him. "Sorry, Ted."

He smiled and put a hand on her shoulder. "Nah, it's okay. I'll get somethin' to eat later, she'll never know I took any."

Sara grinned and sat down at the table as Nancy brought the salad and bread and Ted walked into the living room with his cookie-dough ice cream.


	20. Sweet December

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: I'm wondering if any of you thought of what the mystery gift was...anyways, this chapter is called 'Sweet December'. I wanted this to be a nice warm-and-fuzzy chapter, taking a much-needed break from the sad events. I hope you enjoy it!**

**December 20, 1984- 4:28 pm- Residence of Ted and Nancy Wilcoff**

Sara sat up yawning and looked at the clock mounted on her wall. She cursed under her breath- she had just meant to take a small nap but it turned into almost a full-day's rest! She got up and straightened the sides of the sheets on her bed before heading to her closet to look for something to wear.

"Okay...something a little formal, but nothing too flashy!" she told herself as she looked through the various clothes hanging up in her closet. She rolled her eyes- almost everything in her closet was the same. She expected this to be the way her wardrobe would be when she grew up.

"AGH!" she screamed in frustration, but this time Ted and Nancy did not come into her room. She had been doing this a lot lately, and whenever Ted ran in with his baseball bat and ice cream spoon in hand, she got on them telling them that they were too 'over-protective'. She ran around the room looking for something to wear yet again- somehow her white t-shirt from 'Wally's Seafood Cuisine' and her torn blue jeans didn't seem to cut it. Call her crazy.

She looked through her drawers and grinned when she spotted a dark red sweater. It was perfect. She threw it on her bed and looked for some pants to go with it. She found a pair of brown slacks and she quickly slid the outfit on before fixing her bed-head back to her straight yet somewhat wavy hairstyle. She turned around and looked for the red gift bag containing Josh's gift and she sighed in relief when she found it. She picked it up and walked into the living room to find Nancy and Ted pacing back-and-forth.

"You two look nice," Sara said with a smile.

Nancy looked up from her nicely-done but overly-flashy hair as she smoothed out the edges of her purple dress and attempted to keep her black heels on her feet. She took a step closer to Sara and a strong wave of her perfume filled Sara's nostrils.

"Think you put on enough perfume?" Sara teased as Nancy shot her a look.

"My parents are very...judgemental," Nancy said. "Believe me, we look over-dressed, but this is nothing."

Ted walked out of the shadows looking at Sara. The mustache he had always been trying to grow out was gone and his black hair was slick and clean. He wore a dark green suit with a red tie and brown dress shoes. "Nance, can you help me with these cuffs?" he asked.

Nancy rolled her eyes and turned to Ted. She pulled the cuffs of the sleeves and fastened them tightly. She then turned to Sara. "So, we'll be gone for a while, just stay at Josh's house until we come back."

Sara nodded and smiled as the doorbell rang. She ran to the door to reveal a nicely-dressed Josh. He wore black dress pants and a white button-up t-shirt and black dress shoes. He held a large package wrapped in wrapping paper in his hands and he smiled at Sara.

"Hello, Ms. Sidle."

Sara gave him a cheeky grin. "Hello, Mr. Deckard." She looked at his attire. "I'm sorry I didn't pick out something more formal to wear."

He shook his head. "Nah, it's fine, Frankie insisted I wear this." He didn't want to admit that George had also mentioned to him that fancy attire was another way to arrouse the ladies.

"Okay, well...shall we go?"

He smiled. "Thought you'd never ask."

They walked off after Sara bid Ted and Nancy farewell. Josh smiled as he hooked his arm around Sara's and they walked down the street as if they were walking down the aisle at a wedding.

"You didn't have to get me anything," Sara told him.

He shrugged. "I wanted to, and..." he said motioning toward the bag in her hand.

"Ah..." she said nodding and looking at the bag. "Well, it's just a little something, I-"

"Hey, I don't care what you got me. You could've gotten me that bag for all I care," he said with a grin.

She smiled and they continued talking until they reached his church.

The building was old, but still looked quite nice. The outside walls of the building were recently painted a bright shade of white and the designs on the outside walls were very intricate. The sign positioned outside the building had a small cross in the center of the writing that said 'Tamales Bay Church of God'. There was a large group of people around the entrance of the building standing around and socializing with others.

"Here you are, miss." Sara didn't realize that they were actually at the entrance of the building until the woman standing at the door handed her a pamphelt. Sara thanked her and walked into the building with Josh. They walked over to a large white table surrounded with metal chairs. Sara took a seat and took in the beautiful interior of the building.

The ground was covered with a short green carpet. The walls were multi-colored earthy tones. There were colored glass windows with scenes from various books of the bible. There was a large painting on the far center wall of the virgin Mary. Around the building was an acoustic guitar, a piano, and a drumset, which Sara assumed were for the church band.

"So, Sara..." Josh's voice made her turn to him. "I want to thank you for coming here with me."

"It's no problem, Josh. I wanted to come, and besides, if I didn't come I'd have to spend the day with Nancy's relatives," she said with a smirk. He laughed as he looked over at the table holding the refreshments.

"I'll be right back."

Sara nodded and watched as he poured two drinks and came back handing her a styrofoam cup. Sara looked at the dark liquid inside the cup and took a whiff of it. She looked at Josh.

"Don't worry, it's juice," he said with a grin and sipped some of his drink.

"Hey bro- tryin' to get her drunk at 12?" George asked from behind Josh, Frankie at his side. Josh spit out his drink a little, wiping the juice from his face with a napkin.

"Shut up, George!" he yelled. George laughed and ruffled his little brother's hair as he winked at Sara. Sara giggled after the scene had unfolded and gulped down the drink in her hand.

"Sorry about him..." Josh muttered.

"It's okay," Sara said with a smile. "I don't mind, I enjoy the humor."

Josh sent her a look before grinning and looking around the building. "Well, looks like food's being served...I'll get your plate."

"Josh, you don't-"

Before Sara could finish, Josh had already grabbed her plate and was loading it up with food on the tables. She giggled as she watched him get chewed out by an older man about cutting in line and him insisting that he didn't cut in line. By the time Josh returned, Sara was in stitches.

"Laugh it up, Sidle," he muttered handing her her plate.

"I'm sorry," she said wiping a tear from her eye.

"No, it's okay, the old folks here don't like me," he said with a grin and grabbed his plate. He came back with a plate full of various foods- tri-tip, mashed potatoes, bread, green beans, corn, chicken...

"You going to eat all that?" Sara asked with a smile.

"Watch me," he said already shoving a forkfull of tri-tip into his mouth. Sara grinned and bit into her bread roll as she watched him pack all the food in.

After the meal, Sara was shocked. "I can't believe you ate three servings of everything and two pieces of cherry cobler," she said, eyes wide.

Josh looked at her, slumped back in his chair with a smile. "Yup, well...I can't believe all you ate was a bread roll, a couple of bites of mashed potatoes, and a few bites of tri-tip," he said with a grin.

Sara shrugged. "I don't eat much."

He nodded and got up, groaning. "Man, I ate too much..."

"No, you think?" Sara asked with a grin. He shot her a look and stood up, waddling off not unlike a penguin. Sara watched as he waddled off and then came back with his gift to her in his lap.

"Alright, Sara," he said with a grin. "I bet you'll never guess what I got you!"

"Nope, I guess I won't," she said with a smile. He shoved the present in front of her and told her to open it and she slowly ripped at the paper, feeling a little bad that she was ruining such beautiful wrapping paper.

"Open it, open it, open it, open it, open it!" Josh said, jumping up and down like a little kid.

She shushed him and she opened the gift. She tilted her head and then it hit her. She knew what this was.

"This isn't..." she whispered, butterfiles forming in her stomach. Josh just grinned smugly as he watched her open the gift further.

Sara's hands were shaking, her fingers were sending electricity through her body as she touched the gift and slowly opened the silver metal box. Her eyes widened as she took in what was presented in front of her.

"How...how did you know?" she asked covering her mouth.

"You told me, remember? Ms. Forensic Scientist?"

Sara wrapped her arms around his neck, almost knocking him out of his chair. The gift he had given her was actually a small crimes-scene kit. Inside was a box of latex gloves, specimen cups, fingerprint dust, an ink pad, tweezers, plastic evidence bags, a small torch, some swabs, and even some small little booties. Sara wasn't able to tell what else was in the box because of the tears forming in her eyes.

"Hey, hey, don't cry," Josh said.

"THANK YOU!" Sara yelled in between her cries of joy. The tears ran down her face slowly, but they were tears of joy. This had to be one of the happiest moments of her life.

Josh smiled and stuck a hand in the kit, careful not to touch anything important, but maneuvered his hand inside and pulled out a small bottle.

"Is that..." Sara said in a whisper.

"Yup!" he said proudly. "Phenolphthalein!"

She almost squealed as she slowly took it from his hands and held it in her tiny, still shaking hands. She turned to look at Josh who had pulled out a small spray bottle. "Oh no...you didn't get luminol..." she said with a grin. He nodded and handed it to her. "How did you find this?" she asked.

"I have a cousin in Texas. He's a forensic scientist. I pulled a few strings."

Sara hugged him tightly. "Thank you."

He patted her back. "No problem. I'll be looking forward to seeing you testifying with me in court, Ms. Sidle."

Sara backed away and then she picked up the gift from her. "Here."

"For me?"

"Duh," she said with a smile.

He grinned and slowly took out the bright yellow tissue paper. As soon as all of the paper was out of the bag, he pulled out the gift. It was soft, he noted. He pulled it out.

"It's all I really have, but I wanted you to have it. I've had it since I was little," Sara said with a smile.

He smiled as he looked at the small stuffed blue hippo in front of him. He put a hand on his shoulder. "I love it."

Sara smiled. "Really?"

He laughed. "Of course! I love hippos!"

She grinned. "You do?"

"Yes! When I was little I told my dad I wanted a hippo as a pet."

Sara giggled. "I'm glad you like it."

He smiled. "It's perfect."

As the night winded down, Sara got sleepy. Josh had to work to get her into George's car to drive to their house. When they finally arrived at their house, she sat down on the couch and closed her eyes falling asleep.

Josh watched her sleeping with a smile. He walked into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of orange juice. He walked back into the living room with his glass and smiled. "Sleep well my little forensic scientist."


	21. Merry Christmas

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: Hey everyone, thanks for the encouraging reviews, I love you guys! Anyways, I've decided to go through all of Sara's life. I hope you guys enjoy!**

**December 25, 1984- Residence of Ted and Nancy Wilcoff**

Sara had woken up Christmas morning excitedly. She couldn't remember the last time she had woken up on a holiday actually excited. As soon as she had gotten up from her bed, she ran into the living room. Ted had come in banging a wooden spoon on pots and pans, scaring Sara half-to-death thus waking her up, and he forbid her from making up her bed before opening presents.

Sara walked into the living room and sat down in front of the tree. It was a nice tree- there weren't many pine needles on the floor and the ones still on the tree were a nice deep green color. The tree was covered with Christmas ornaments, including Ted's signature Top Gun ornament he won off eBay.

Sara watched Ted and Nancy who were sitting on the couch. Nancy was sipping a hot cup of coffee and Ted was fidgeting in his seat. Sara couldn't tell who was more excited- her or Ted.

"Sara, you can go ahead and hand out the presents," Nancy said taking a sip of her coffee. Sara nodded and looked around the tree. She was hesitant, but she grabbed a present and tossed it to Ted.

"There you go, it's from me to you," Sara said with a grin.

Ted raised a brow and looked at the wrapped gift. "You didn't have to-"

"Just open it," Sara said smiling. Ted shrugged and ripped the paper off of the gift. As he looked at Sara's gift, his eyes filled with tears. He stuttered as he spoke and his hands were shaking.

"You...y-y-y-..." he stuttered as a single tear ran down his face. "THANK YOU!" He held in his hands a special copy of Top Gun. He didn't have his own copy of the movie, he had recorded it on TV and watched it over and over and over again.

"You're welcome, Ted," Sara said with a smile and tossed another gift to Nancy. "Go ahead and open it," she said with a grin.

Nancy ripped the paper off of the gift. She laughed when she saw what Sara had gotten her.

"Thought you'd need those," Sara laughed pointing at the ear plugs Nancy held in her hands.

"Yes, thank you," Nancy said smiling. "Go ahead and open your presents."

Sara blinked. "Um...okay." She looked around the tree and found a gift to her. She swallowed and studied the green envelope, her fingers running over the smoothly-folded edges and the clear pieces of tape...

"Open it!" Ted said jumping up and down. Sara giggled and nodded. She slowly ripped the paper, irritatiing Ted. She smiled and when she opened it up, she put a hand over her mouth gasping.

"Oh my god..." she said reading over the envelope. It couldn't have been right...so many zeroes...

"Yup," Nancy said proudly.

"You guys...you guys are giving me $2000?" she asked, a single tear running down her cheek.

Nancy and Ted smiled. "We assumed it was the proper amount. You'll use it wisely, we know that."

Sara jumped up and almost tackled them both in a tight hug. She cried tears of joy and Ted and Nancy just tried to calm her down as they told her that they wanted to give her the money and that she deserved it.

After getting everything cleaned up, the doorbell rang. Sara jumped up and ran to the door. She opened it up and found Josh standing outside her door with a steaming thermos in his hand.

"Merry Christmas, Sar," he said with a smile.

"Same to you. Would you like to come in?"

Josh nodded and stepped through the door. "I brought some hot chocolate...Frankie's special recipe."

Sara smiled. "Alright, that sounds good to me. I'll show you to the kitchen." Sara walked through the entryway and into the kitchen where she took out two mugs and handed one to Josh. Josh unscrewed the lid of the steaming thermos and poured himself a cup of the steaming liquid and a cup for Sara.

"Cheers," Josh said as she sipped his drink.

"Wow," Sara said after taking a sip. "This is great."

Josh grinned. "Yeah...Frankie claims she has a gift..." Josh looked around and leaned closer to her. "She just puts some cinnamon in it and a little extra milk," he said in a whisper.

Sara giggled as she took another sip of the steaming liquid. They were about to continue their conversation when a scream came from down the hall.

"What's wrong?" Sara asked running into the room the scream came from.

Nancy was making a scene, running back-and-forth. "Someone stole the last cookie from my secret stash!"

Sara raised a brow- secret? Sara knew where it was, it wasn't hard to find, she had found it cleaning the house one day. "Um...okay."

"Not okay!" Nancy said. "I wanted that cookie! I was saving it!"

A grin was tugging at the corners of Sara's mouth as Josh spoke. "Well, you do have a forensic scientist in the house."

Sara tilted her head. "I'm not-"

"Great!" Nancy said. "Get to work, young lady!" Nancy said walking out of the room.

Sara smiled and looked at Josh. "Well...shall we go to my lab?"

Inside Sara's room, she was busy slipping on a pair of latex gloves. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

Josh smirked. "Come on, it'll be fun."

Sara sent him a look before sighing. "I guess so..." she said and walked into the bedroom. Josh turned on the light.

"Turn it off," Sara said. "I want to see what the scene looked like originally."

Josh rolled his eyes. "Scientists..." he muttered and turned off the lights.

Sara smiled. "Thank you." She flicked on her maglite and began combing the ground. "Well..." she said picking a fiber up with her tweezers. "Looks like Ted's been here," she said putting the fiber in a bindle.

"It is his bedroom too," Josh pointed out.

"Yeah, but this fiber is denim, it wouldn't have just fallen off a pair of jeans or a shirt easily. It looks like it was torn. There's a sharp wire sticking out of this chair, and Nancy hid her cookie stash behind the chair. Makes me think it was ripped by the wire."

Josh nodded. "Sounds believeable, but how do you know it's from a pair of Ted's jeans?"

Sara held it up to his nose. "Smell."

Ted took a whiff of it. "What's that smell?"

"Ice cream- cookie dough to be exact. Ted gets his ice cream everywhere."

Josh grinned as Sara continued to scope the area. "Alright...hand me my print powder, please?"

"You don't have a fingerprint lab."

"Just gimme."

He smiled and handed her the plastic container holding the black powder and her brush. "Alright, I'm going to print the cookie jar," she said running the brush over the jar. "And that should give us some prints."

After printing it, she lifted three prints. She grabbed a magnifying glass and looked over each one. "Alright...do me a favor and go get Nancy's fingerprints," Sara said handing him the ink pad and a piece of paper. Josh nodded and walked off. He came back and handed her the paper. "Okay, now for the comparison." She looked at the center swirls of the prints. Two of the prints on the car seemed to be Nancy's, but there was one print that was unknown. Sara stood up smiling. "I know who did this." She walked out of the room and found Ted sitting in the living room watching Top Gun with his ice cream. "Ted, I need to talk to you."

Ted blinked. "What is it?" he asked.

"You stole the last cookie from Nancy's stash."

He blinked again. "That's ridiculous!"

"Really?" she asked with a grin. "Give me your fingerprints and we'll see."

He blinked and looked at the ink pad in front of Sara. "All RIGHT! I ATE THE LAST COOKIE!"

Nancy heard this and stormed into the room. "What? Why?"

He lowered his head. "I was hungry," he shrugged.

Nancy turned to Sara and thanked her before chewing out Ted. Sara walked back into her room and put everything up.

"So, case closed," Sara said pulling off her latex glove.


	22. Graduating at Last

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: Hey everyone! This is the last chater in Sara's life of her childhood. This chapter takes place at her middle school graduation. After this chapter, I may write a new fic going on into teen years or continue posting chapters of her teen years on in this story. It's still undecided ;) Anyways, thank you all for your reviews! You guys are great! ;) The scene toward the end of this chapter after the ceremony where Josh and Sara are getting their present for graduating is supposed to go back-and-forth between Sara, Josh, and the whole gang.**

**May 11, 1986- Mountain Peak Middle School**

Sighing, Sara slipped on her navy blue graduation robe over her jeans and t-shirt. She picked up the matching navy blue hat and slipped it on her head. She turned it around so that it was facing the right way, and she looked at herself in the mirror.

Sara Sidle was 14. And she was graduating from middle school today. She never thought that it would come so fast. It seemed like just yesterday that she met up with Josh, the one guy in her life that made everything look up.

She sighed nervously and excitedly again as she straightened out the sides of her robe. She heard a crash from outside the room and a teacher yelling at someone. She rolled her eyes. She knew who he was yelling at.

In stumbled Josh. His brown hair was messy and his navy blue graduation hat was placed over it sloppily. He held his robe in his hands in a tight bundle.

"Joshua," Sara said sighing. "What did you do this time?"

"I just went to get my robe from english!" he said. "I walked in to get it and I knocked some stuff over..."

"What stuff?" she asked folding her arms.

"Um..." he said scratching his head. "You know those glass dolls on the teacher's desk..."

"You broke _what?"_

"Hey, it's not my fault! If she really cared about them she wouldn't bring them to school where they could get broken!" he said.

Sara laughed. "Alright...let's get you fixed up for graduation."

He nodded and slipped his robe over his Jim Morrison t-shirt and his faded black jeans. "Ready!"

"Joshua..."

"What?"

"You need to fix your hair!"

"It's fine, I'm not there to impress anybody!"

"You're supposed to look nice!"

"Those people can kiss my ass!"

Sara raised a brow and grabbed a comb from her pocket. She chased him around the room until he gave in and she combed out his hair.

"Women..." he muttered.

"What was that?" Sara said.

"Nothing..." he muttered again. "OW! You pulled my hair, what was that for?"

"Oh sorry, my mistake," Sara said with a smirk and continued to comb out his hair.

**5:47 pm- Outside MPMS- The Bleachers**

"Damn!" Ted muttered as he hit his leg against the bleacher.

"Oh be quiet, you baby," Nancy said taking a seat in the bleachers. "This is Sara's big day, don't ruin it with your antics."

"I know," he said. "But you're not the one hitting your leg on everything!"

"Shut up," Nancy said rolling her eyes. Ted took a seat next to her.

"It's hot," he whined.

"I told you it would be," she said.

"The sun's too bright."

"I told you to bring sunglasses."

"This isn't comfortable."

"I told you you could bring a fold-out chair."

"I'm bored."

"SHUT UP!" Nancy yelled. People were now staring at them like they were crazy. She looked at them before whispering to Ted, "Stop complaining, you baby!"

Ted pouted and folded his arms.

"Oooooh! I'm so excited, Georgie! Joshie's graduating today!" said the quirky red-head.

"I know, it's amazing. My little bro's going into high school," George said taking a seat.

"He's growing so fast!"

"I know," George said. "It's funny...it seems like just yesterday he was running around the house and I was chasing after him calling him names."

Frankie giggled. "He's growing up big and strong just like his big brother."

George smiled. "Thanks, Frankie."

**Inside MPMS- 6:12 pm**

"And I want to say thank you to all the parents out in the audience tonight," the principal continued.

_"Could he talk any longer?"_ Sara thought sighing to herself in the small room she was in with the other eighth grade girl graduates waiting to walk outside.

_"Could he talk any longer?"_ Josh thought to himself as he waited impatiently inside the small room with the other eighth grade boy graduates waiting to walk outside.

Finally, the doors to the rooms opened and the school band started to play the stupid songs...well, they _attempted _to play the school songs. The graduates walked out single-file to the middle of the football field. Every student took a seat as another row of kids filled in another set of metal chairs.

Frankie was jumping up and down, screaming hysterically when she saw Josh walk out.

"Oh jeez..." he sighed looking at her and waving with a weak smile.

"SARA! HEY, SARA! THERE YOU ARE! WHOO! YOU KICK ASS, SARA!" Ted was yelling from the bleachers. Everyone turned and stared at him until Nancy quieted him down.

"Oh god..." Sara sighed.

After everyone had taken a seat, the principal began another long and boring speech. None of what he was saying was relevant or necessary for the graduation. Finally, two people came up and started calling the names of the graduates so they could come up.

"Anna Johnson, Aaron Gills..."

Sara and Josh stared at each other from across the rows making faces at each other.

"Bobbi Jameson, Britney Addams..."

Josh started using his hands to talk to her in the made-up language they had made up months before.

_"This is really boring,"_ Josh said with his hands.

Sara smiled. _"I know, but at least we're graduating,"_ she replied.

_"But this is taking forever," _he added with a frown.

_"Don't whine, Nancy might get on you for it,"_ Sara said with a grin.

Josh laughed.

"Joshua Deckard."

Josh was busy making a face at Sara when they called his name. Everyone fell silent.

"Joshua Deckard," they replied.

Josh still hadn't realized they had called his name until someone nudged his shoulder and pushed him out of the aisle. Embarrassed, he fixed his hat and walked to the woman holding his key to graduation.

Frankie and George were cheering as he grabbed his certificate. He smiled and walked off.

Sara sighed as the list continued.

"Sara Sidle."

What would she do after she graduated? Would-

"Sara Sidle."

She jumped when she heard her name called again and walked over to the woman holding her certificate. She took it and smiled before walking back over to the group of kids sitting in the metal chairs.

Finally, the ceremony was over.

"WHOO! YOU DID IT! YOU GRADUATED!" Ted said pulling Sara into a tight hug.

"Heh, thanks Ted," Sara said.

"Congratulations, graduate," Nancy said putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Thanks, Nancy."

"JOSHIE!" Frankie yelled when she saw Josh. She pinched his cheeks and kissed him many times. "You're such a big boy!"

"Frankie..." Josh said looking around nervously. "We're in public..."

George laughed. "Alright, well, we have a little present for you."

"A present?" Sara replied looking at Ted and Nancy.

"Yes."

"What is it?"

"We're going out to dinner with your little friend!"

"Sara?" Josh replied. "Cool!"

Josh and Sara met up with each other and he ran over to her catching her in a hug. "We did it, Sara," he said with a smile.

"I know," he said. "I can't believe it."

"So we're going to dinner..."

"I know."

"Maybe if we're nice we can get some booze."

"JOSH!" Frankie said whacking him in the head.

"Oooowww," he said rubbing his head. "What was that for?"

"You know you're too young to have alcohol!"

Josh rolled his eyes as Sara laughed and they both made their way to their cars to go to dinner.


	23. July 20, 1986 8:48 am

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!  
A/N: Hey guys! I want to warn you that after this chapter, something incredibly sad is going to happen...it's hard for me to even say what it is! Just a heads-up ;) Oh, and I made an error in the last chapter- Sara is not 14 yet, she's still 13 because her birthday is in September, but Josh is 14 ;)**

**July 20, 1986- 8:48 am- Residence of Ted and Nancy Wilcoff**

Awaking with a groan, Sara rubbed the remaining sleep from her eyes. Yawning, she stood up and started making her bed. She through a shirt on the floor that had been on her bed from the day before, and pulled the sheets and blankets up by her pillow. After straightening out the edges, she headed over to her closet.

She was hesitant on what she would wear that day. After going through her 'diverse' wardrobe, she picked out a pair of jeans and a red t-shirt. Simple.

She slipped the clothes on and tied her shoes to her feet. After tying her sneakers, she walked out of her room. With a smile, she walked down the hallway looking at the various pictures on the walls of the house. She went into the kitchen and went to the fridge taking out the orange juice carton and pouring herself a glass.

As she drank her orange juice, she felt someone watching her. She opened one of her eyes only in time to spit out the amount of juice that was in her mouth as she saw the person sitting at the kitchen table. This person was not Josh. They were not Ted. And they were not Nancy. The person sitting at the cherry oak table of the kitchen was a blonde-haired, green-eyed teen about 16 if not a little older. He was wearing a black t-shirt and his black jeans were baggy, the pantlegs dragging on the floor.

"Good morning," he said with a smile as he took a bite of a waffle.

"Who...who...who are you?" she asked, wiping orange juice from her face.

He laughed and Nancy and Ted ran into the room.

"Sara! I see you've-"

"Who is this?" Sara asked pointing to the teen.

"Oh! I'm sorry, this is Matthew, he's coming to live with us!"

Matthew looked up from his waffle. "Nice to meet you, Sara."

Sara sighed in relief as Ted and Nancy left. She walked over to him. "I'm sorry for freaking out, I mean-"

He laughed. "It's okay, I understand how awkward it must have seemed to have a complete stranger sitting at your kitchen table."

She giggled. "Yeah."

"So how old are you, Sara?" he asked taking a bite of his waffle.

"I'm 14."

"Really? You don't look 14," he said with a smile. "I'm 18."

Sara nodded. "So...Matthew..."

"Call me 'Matt'."

"Matt..." she began again. "Why are you in Foster Care?"

Matthew put his fork down and tilted his head, thinking. "Well, my parents are both dead."

"I'm sorry to hear that..."

"Nah, it's okay. I've gotten over it," he said picking up his fork and eating again.

"Um...okay," Sara said, a bit confused at how well he was taking this.

"Sara, you've got a visitor!" Nancy called. Sara excused herself and walked over to the door to find Josh standing on the doorstep.

"Hey you," he said with a smile.

"Hey Josh," she greeted. "Want to come in?"

"Sure."

Josh stepped through the doorway and walked into the living room. He walked into the kitchen and saw Matthew. He froze and ran back into the living room pulling Sara along with him.

"Sara, you've got a creepy guy sitting in your kitchen," Josh said.

Sara laughed. "He's my new foster brother."

"Foster brother?"

"Yes, his parents are both dead."

"Oh..." Josh poked his head in the kitchen and Matthew waved before he poked his head back out. "I don't like him."

"What?" Sara asked.

"I don't like him, Sar, I don't think he should be staying with you."

"Why?" Sara asked.

"Look at him...I mean...he's older than you, right?"

Sara responded with a nod.

"And...I don't know...he's going to be living under the same roof-"

"Yo."

Josh jumped when he heard Matthew's voice. He turned to look at Matthew who was standing next to them with a smile on his face. "I didn't interrupt anything, I hope," Matthew said.

"No, you didn't," Sara said with a smile and turned to Josh.

"Uh...no, you didn't," Josh said scratching his head.

"Okay, good," Josh said. "Sara, would you come help me unload my things into my room?"

Sara smiled. "Sure."

Sara turned and followed Matthew into his room. Josh gave Matthew a look before they disappeared around the corner. Once inside the room, Sara tore open a box and began unloading things onto the green shag carpet in the room.

"You like music as I can see," Sara said with a smile as she unloaded various CDs.

He smiled. "Yeah, I love it," he said as he threw his clothes onto the queen bed in the corner. Sara looked at the queen bed and frowned a bit- she got the wimpy twin bed. "So do you like music?" he asked her.

Sara blinked. "Yeah."

"That's good, because with me in this house, you're going to hear a whole lot of it."

Sara laughed. "I'm okay with that."

"You sure it won't disturb your reading?"

Sara tilted her head. "Nancy and Ted told me you like to read," he clarified.

She nodded. "Ah...yeah, I love reading...and many other things."

Sara continued to unload things from the boxes. Moving from box to box, her and Matthew talked a lot about themselves. They spoke of their interests and the things that set them off, things they did when they were bored, where they went to school, etc. Josh was standing outside the door, cautiously. He still didn't think this guy was as great as he was making himself out to be. Something about Matthew just rubbed Josh the wrong way. His big brother instincts were telling him Sara was not safe with this guy. And his gut was telling him too.

The door flew open and Sara and Matthew walked out of the room. Josh smiled. "Hey Sara."

"Hey Josh."

"Listen, Sara," Matthew began. Josh sent him a glare. "You want to go get some ice cream or a smoothie or something? I can drive."

Sara nodded. "That sounds nice." She turned to Josh. "Can Josh come?"

Matthew looked over at Josh. They were both staring at each other with hardened glares as Sara failed to notice the awkward exchange.

"It's a small car," Matthew added.

"It's Ted and Nancy's car, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Then there's room. Come on, Josh," Sara said and took Josh's arm, leading him out of the house behind her. Josh sent a grin Matthew's way who glared at him.

The ride to the ice cream parlor was silent except for the times Matthew had to engage the turn signal and the few times someone sneezed or coughed. They parked in front of the building and walked inside.

"I've never been here before," Sara said.

Matthew nodded. "It's kind of in an out-there place."

Josh stayed close to Sara's side, not wanting to move away from her for one second. As Sara browsed the various bins of ice cream looking for a flavor she would like, Josh gave Matthew hard glares.

When they finally sat down at a table, Josh barely touched his ice cream. He sat close to Sara, again eyeing Matthew closely. Whenever Matthew opened his mouth, Josh wanted to slug him. Everything Matthew said just reassured Josh that this guy did not belong around Sara.

When they left, Sara told Matthew Josh's address. They dropped him off, though Josh did not want to leave Sara. He was holding onto the sides of the car and finally the car door as Sara was pulling him out of the car as Matthew waited in the car. When she finally pryed him off of the car, he was whispering things in her ear.

"Sara, don't do this, I can't leave you with him."

"What are you talking about, Josh?"

"He's not good! My big brother senses are tingling, and not in a good way, Sar!"

Sara giggled. "Do I sense a little jealousy?"

He blinked. "No! That's not what it is! I'm serious, Sara- this guy is not good. I don't want to leave you alone with him!"

"Josh, I'll be fine," Sara said rolling her eyes. She opened the front door to his house and pushed him inside.

"Sara! Sara, no!" Josh said banging on the door. He tried opening it but it was jammed and he kicked and punched it yelling after her as she got in the car. "SARA! COME BACK!"

But they had already drove off.


	24. July 21, 1986 11:28 am

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T (This chapter may be M...not sure though)**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: A big thanks to CSHighland who pointed a few things out to me! Note that Matt is actually 17...though you won't care too much about his age after this chapter because I think most of you will be with me in an angry mob wanting to kill him...anyways, this chapter is depressing...just to let you know! Thank you guys for reviewing!**

**July 21, 1986- 11:28 am- Residence of Ted and Nancy Wilcoff**

Sara had gotten up early that morning, but she decided to stay in her room and clean for a while. After making her bed, she picked up some of the clothes in her room on her floor. Then, she grabbed a rag and went over the surfaces of her dressers and nightstands looking for dust. One coughing fit and dirty rag later and she was done.

When she finally emerged from her bedroom, Ted and Nancy were running through the house frantically.

"What's going on?" asked Sara.

Nancy was going through the closet in the hallway. "My mother's insisting we go visit them...we're not going to be back for a while," she muttered.

"Okay..."

Ted came out of their bedroom muttering to himself. "But you're lucky, you get to stay here with Matt..."

Nancy whacked him in the back of the head. "Shut up, you baby."

Ted continued his whining as they went through the house searching for their things.

"Whoa, wait a minute- how long are you guys going to be gone?" Sara asked following them.

"A few days maybe," Nancy said stuffing clothes into her bag.

"Okay..."

"You kids be good and hold down the fort while we're gone," Ted said ruffling her hair.

Sara smiled. "We will."

Nancy ran out of the house throwing her bag into the car. She ran back inside. "Come on, Ted! We're going to be late!"

"Your parents don't care, your old man's senile, he doesn't know when we're late or early!"

Nancy grabbed him by his ear and pulled him out of the house after waving goodbye. Sara laughed and waved back as she watched them disappear around the corner in their car.

Sara closed the front door, turning the two locks on the door and walking into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and pulled out the peanut butter and jelly for a sandwich. Setting them on the counter, her eyes scanned the area for the bread. She found it sitting on one of the kitchen counters and she untwisted the bag and took out two pieces of bread.

"Hey Sara," Matt said walking out of his room straightening out his hair with his hands.

"Hey Matt," Sara said with a smile. She took out a butter knife and spread the peanut butter on her bread. "Just wake up?"

"Nah," he said shaking his head. "I've been up for a while, I didn't want to get in the middle of Ted and Nancy's hunt."

Sara laughed a little. "I can see what you mean."

Matt nodded and walked around to where Sara was and took out two pieces of bread from the bag. "So, uh...your friend, Josh? Was that his name?"

Sara nodded. "What about him?"

"Well, he seemed kind of...paranoid about me," Matt said spreading jelly on his bread.

Sara smiled. "Don't worry, he'll learn to like you. He's always been like that," Sara said after she finished making her sandwich.

Matt nodded and sat down eating his sandwich. Sara sat down at the table eating her sandwich and peered up at Matt every now and then who didn't take a second glance at her. The whole time they ate was silent except for when they finally finished eating and got up to put their plates in the sink. And even then, the only sounds they heard were the plates clinking around in the sink as they set them down.

Sara, wanting to find a way out of the awkward silence, looked out the window of the kitchen over the sink. It was cloudy today, which she found strange because it was the middle of July. There were no birds out flying around and she didn't hear any of their happy chirping. This just made the situation even more awkward. There weren't even any cars driving past the house on the road or backing out of their driveways. It was silent. It seemed like the entire world was dead except for those in her home.

The awkwardness made Sara think of what Josh had said to her about Matt. Why would he think Matt wasn't good for her? Why would he think that she wasn't safe around him just because he was so many years older than her? Why was he insisting that he stay by her side everywhere she went and all the time? Matthew didn't seem like a bad person. In fact, Sara found him to be a kind, humorous person.

Yet...Sara felt a bit uncomfortable being alone for a few days with just Matthew. She didn't know what it was...she just felt a bit awkward being around him without someone else in the house. She thought maybe it was because she still didn't know him very well. For goodness sake, she had just met the guy the day before, but...she still didn't feel right around him. Still, she tried her best to reassure herself that he was a good guy and that he wouldn't do anything to hurt her. He was her foster brother so she should treat him with respect, right? He wasn't her biological brother who was most likely sitting in rehab somewhere trying to convince the people working there to give him a joint, he was a different person.

But there was still something about him that was a bit strange, and Sara felt it in her gut.

"Sara, could you come into my room for a minute?" Matthew asked from his bedroom. Sara was hesitant on her reply, but she finally answered him.

"Sure."

She was mentally slapping herself in the face for saying she would. She didn't want to be in his room with him alone. Josh's words were still echoing in her mind and at the same time, she needed to convince herself- Sara Sidle- that this guy was okay. She needed to make sure that he passed the Sara Sidle Approval Quiz with flying colors.

Walking into his room, Sara cracked the door open a bit and looked around the room. He was nowhere in sight. But...he _had_ called her into his room, right? She could've sworn that his voice was coming from this room.

"Matt? Matt, where'd you go?"

She found the answer to her question when his door slammed shut. She turned around to see what had caused the door to slam shut and she found out what did it when Matt was standing in front of his closed door. She could've sworn she heard the lock on his door click, but she soon forgot about it when he had slammed her against the wall. Now she was just focused on protecting herself.

"Hey Sara."

Sara turned to look at him with confused and now frightened eyes.

"You remember in school all those books you had to read about sex and the human anatomy?"

Oh god...

He leaned closer to her face so that he was by her ear. "Would you like a crash course?"

Sara didn't even have time to reply because he had slammed her onto his bed, pinning her down by her wrists. He had one hand clamped over her mouth so that her screams came out in muffled cries. He leaned closer to her face again. "Do try and enjoy it," he said in a whisper and kissed her on the cheek as he sat up, still on top of her but now unzipping his pants.

Sara was kicking from underneath him, but he had a firm grip on her wrists and his full weight was on her. Tears ran down her cheeks as she saw him throw his jeans on the floor and move his hand to the waistband of her pants. She moved around frantically as he began undoing the button on her jeans and slowly undoing the zipper. She cried out as he slid her jeans off and started ripping at her shirt after throwing his own shirt off.

Josh was right. And now she was going to find out the hard way.

He ripped her shirt at the collar and then moved his hands elsewhere. He slid his boxers off of his waist as he moved his hands to her underwear, which he ripped off. Still holding her wrists to her sides and a hand clamped over her mouth, he raped her. Angry and sad tears ran down her face as he continued to rape her, ignoring her cries for him to stop and her whimpers of pain and terror. He looked straight into her eyes as he continued, his face emotionless, his eyes lifless. Sara felt so small, so worthless- she just wanted it to stop. She wanted the pain and terror to just disappear. She wanted him to stop violating her, to stop taking away her innocence and purity.

But he did not stop.

He didn't stop until he was done with her. When he finally was, he was panting with exhaustion and he got up off of her slipping his boxers and jeans back on. After throwing his shirt back on, he leaned over her shaking form and pecked her on the lips with his. "Have fun?" he asked with a smile and walked out of the room, leaving her pale and shaking form alone. After reassuring herself that he was gone and that she was really alone now, she slid onto the floor and searched for her clothes. Getting dressed, she tried to crawl out of the room, but she couldn't make it out of the room completely. All her strength was drained. She couldn't move anymore, she couldn't think. She couldn't even breathe.

And she collapsed half-way through the doorway of his room.

Josh was riding his bike to Sara's house muttering to himself. "Stupid Frankie and George making me clean the bathrooms..." he said under his breath as he continued to mutter. When he arrived at her house, his stomach dropped. The front door was open. He let his bike fall on the ground and he ran into the house.

"Sara? Sara, where are you?"

He ran through the house, looking around frantically trying to find her. "SARA! WHERE ARE YOU?"

He stopped when he finally spotted her.

This was a sight he never wanted to ever see in his life.

Sara was on the floor, obviously unconscious. Her shirt was ripped at the color and her pants had been zipped up sloppily. He saw the bruises on her wrists from when she had been held down. He kneeled down beside her, shaking her.

"Sara, come on, Sara, wake up."

He rolled her over and looked at her pale form. "Oh god Sara, please, come on. Wake up."

He continued shaking her until her eyes fluttered open. She sat up screaming as she saw the male figure sitting over her.

"Sara! It's Josh!"

Sara stopped screaming when she heard his voice, but her body was shaking uncontrollably. She looked at his eyes before she leaned over and threw up to the left of her. When she was done she collapsed, her head resting on Josh's chest.

"He...was here...Josh, he..."

Josh had tears forming in his eyes. How could someone do this to such a frail and innocent creature?

"Josh...Matt...he...tried to...make him stop...but...too strong...pushed me down..."

Josh tried to quiet her down as she continued to tell him what happened. He pulled her close to him and ran his hands through her hair and rubbed her back.

"Tore off...shirt...and...pants..." she said in between breaths.

"It's okay, Sara," Josh said.

"He...he raped me, Josh!" Sara cried into his chest, sobbing with the little breath she had left. She clinged to his shirt with the remaining strength she had.

"That bastard..." Josh whispered, tears now running down his own face.

"He raped me..." she said again, shaking as she sobbed. "He raped me!" she screamed again.

"Shh...shh...Sara, it's okay," Josh said holding her close. "I'm going to catch this bastard."

"Don't leave me...he...he'll come back," Sara said in between sobs, holding onto him tightly.

"I won't," he told her. "I'm never going to leave you. I promise."

Sara nodded as she continued to cry into his chest and he whispered soothing things to her.

"How dare that bastard take away your innocence," Josh said in a firm tone, but tears were still running down his face. "THAT BASTARD TOOK YOU AWAY FROM ME!" he yelled. He looked down at her face.

"I'm going to kill that son-of-a-bitch."


	25. July 21, 1986 12:24 pm

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: Here's a new chapter for you guys. I hope you enjoy it!**

**July 21, 1986- 12:24 pm**

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?"

"I'm here with my friend at 456 West Hill Park Way, please send help!"

"Calm down and tell me what happened."

"My friend...she...she's been raped!"

Ten minutes after the phone call, ambulances and police cars had surrounded the house. EMTs ran inside the house looking for Sara and Josh as police officers ran in to clear the house. They found Sara wrapped in a blanket in the living room lying on the couch with Josh by her side.

They pushed Josh out of the way as they checked her pulse.

"She's got a strong pulse," one of the EMTs said.

Another nodded and a female EMT kneeled down beside her. "Sweetheart, we need to take you to the hospital."

Sara nodded slowly and the EMTs slowly lifted her up and laid her on a stretcher. They got rid of the blanket Josh had wrapped around her, making her shiver as they wrapped a white hospital issue blanket around her which made her feel rather uncomfortable. Josh jumped into the back of the ambulance as they started off. Sara stared up at him the entire time he got inside. He held her hand tightly as they drove to the hospital.

"It's okay, Sar," Josh whispered.

Sara was shaking. Her hair was sticking to the sides of her face. Everything was a blur. She didn't know if this was really happening. She couldn't even tell who the people were who were by her.

"Josh, where are you?" she whispered.

"I'm right here, Sara," Josh said taking both her hands in his. "I'm right here."

"Don't leave," she whispered again.

"I'm not going to, Sara. I'm never going to leave you."

Sara nodded. The EMTs threw open the doors as they arrived at the hospital. They grabbed the stetcher Sara was lying on and rushed her into the hospital. Josh was right by Sara's side, holding her hand as they ran through the doors leading to the emergency room.

"You're going to have to go in the waiting room," one of the nurses said.

"No, don't leave me," Sara said quickly.

"Sara...I'm just going to be outside. It's going to be okay, I'm going to come and see you in a minute, okay?"

"He's going to come back, Josh!"

"Shh...shh...no he's not, it's okay. These people won't let anything happen to you, okay?"

He gently squeezed her hand as she nodded. "Okay..."

"Okay, I'll see you soon," he said and kissed her forehead as they wheeled her through the doors.

Josh wiped a tear from his face as he went and sat in the waiting room. He couldn't believe that this happened. He couldn't convince her that Matthew was dangerous. If only he was there, if only he had been able to stop what happened to her...she wouldn't be in this mess.

Josh buried his face in his hands crying. Sara was a nice, sweet, caring person. She never did anything to hurt anyone. She had been through hell as it was...and...now...this person...this _monster_ who came to live with her...had taken her away from Josh. This guy...was supposed to be her foster brother. Someone she could _trust_. Someone who was supposed to look out for her.

And he raped her.

Josh couldn't even begin to imagine how Sara must feel right now. Her innocence had been taken away, something had been stolen from her. This monster had killed a part of Sara today, and Josh wasn't sure he would ever be able to bring it back to life.

A female doctor walked through the doors holding a clipboard. She fixed her glasses on her face and cleared her throat as she read the name on the clipboard. "Sara Sidle?"

Josh stood up. "That's my friend."

The woman nodded and motioned for him to come with her. Josh stood up and went with her.

"You can see your friend now. We gave her something to help her sleep."

"God knows she needs it..." Josh sighed.

The woman led him to her room and cracked the door open. Josh walked inside and took a seat in the chair next to Sara's bed. He grabbed her hand and looked at her frail form.

She was dressed in a thin white hospital gown and her eyes were closed. She still had a look of total fear and confusion on her face, even with her eyes closed. She was twitching a bit in her sleep. Her arms were to her sides laying gingerly on the bed. Purple and black bruises were visible on her wrists. Josh grimaced. He looked up at the rest of her arms. There were more bruises.

Josh's hand was balling into a fist. How dare someone to do this her.

Josh jumped when he noticed a movement coming from the bed. She was moving her arms and her hands a bit as her legs were kicking. Her face was now looking even more frightened. She whimpered as she tossed and turned, thrashing at an unseen attacker. Sweat was beading down her face. She was tangled in the sheets as she started whispering.

"No...please no...stop, please..."

Josh was scared. He had never seen her so vulnerable. He didn't know what to do.

"Please...stop...please..."

Josh shook her slightly and she pushed his hand away, obviously not knowing that it was him.

"Please! Stop!"

"Sara, you're having a nightmare! Wake up!" Josh said grabbing ahold of her shoulders and shaking her gently. Sara's eyes fluttered open as her breathing quickened. Her eyes scanned the room until they locked themselves on Josh.

"Josh..."

"Sara, it's okay, it was a dream. I'm here with you."

"Josh...he...he was here, Josh...he...he did it again..."

"No, Sara, you've been asleep. It was just a nightmare."

"But...Josh...I...I could feel him...he was...he was here, he was! I...I could see him...I could smell him...I...I could feel him!"

"Sara, shh...shh...it's okay, he's not here. I promise you he's not going to hurt you."

Sara just nodded slowly as she sat up and buried herself in Josh's arms. Tears ran down her face as she held onto him tightly. "He's on me, Josh...I can still feel him..."

"I know..."

"I want him off...I want him off of me!"

"I know, Sara...just wait a little bit longer."

Sara's breathing slowed down until it became regular again. Josh rubbed her back as she lay against him, silent tears running down her face.

"It was so horrible," she whispered.

Josh rubbed the small of her back as she continued.

"He slammed me against the wall...and then, he...he slammed me onto his bed...and...he put a hand over my mouth...he...he held my wrists and...took off his pants..."

Josh nodded. "It's okay, Sara. Take as long as you need, I'm not going anywhere."

Sara nodded slowly as she continued. "He...he tore off my pants and...he ripped my shirt...and then...he...tore off my underwear and...he...raped me."

Josh pulled her closer as she began to sob again. "It's okay, Sara. You did a good job. It took a lot for you to tell me what you just did."

Sara nodded as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Don't let go of me," she whispered.

"I won't," he said.

The doors opened and a female nurse walked in with a bag. She set it down on a small table by the foot of the bed. "Sara, we need to do a sexual assault kit."

More tears ran down Sara's face as she heard those words. She clung to Josh tightly. "Please Josh, I don't want to."

Josh looked at her face. "I know Sar," he said. "But you need to. Please...do this."

She shook her head. "I can't."

"Yes you can, Sara. You told me what happened. That's harder than this is, you can do this. Please, Sara."

Sara looked up at him and slowly nodded as she wiped fresh tears from her eyes. "Okay."

The nurse looked at Josh. "Could you step outside for a minute?"

Josh nodded. "I'll be right back, Sar. Remember, I'm always with you," he said holding onto the bracelet positioned on her wrist as he slowly let go of her. She whimpered a bit as he let go of her but she finally let him go and he walked out of the room as the nurse closed the door.

Josh stood outside of the room by the door, pacing back-and-forth with his hands in his pockets.

_Come on Sara, you can do this,_ he thought. _I know you can._

After a few minutes of awkward silence and pacing back-and-forth, the door opened. The nurse walked out of the room and looked at Josh.

"You can come in now," she told him and he nodded as he practically ran back into the room, catching Sara in a hug. More tears were running down her face.

"It's okay, Sara," Josh whispered. "You did good. Thank you."

Sara nodded as he hugged her. Her breathing soon slowed and Josh noticed she had fallen asleep. He smiled and slowly set her back on her bed. He fixed her pillows and wrapped her in the sheets and the blanket on the bed, tucking her in tightly. He leaned over her and planted another kiss on her forehead. He looked over at the bag on the small table at the foot of the bed. It contained a small box that read 'SEXUAL ASSAULT EXAM KIT'. Josh had to turn away when he looked at it for even a second. He looked down at Sara lying, sound asleep on the bed. He grabbed her hand with both of his.

"I'm going to get him, Sar. I promise," he whispered.


	26. July 21, 1986 5:56 pm

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: Ted and Nancy make their appearance this chapter! **

**July 21, 1986- 5:56 pm- County Hospital**

Josh had sat by Sara's side for hours. He didn't even leave to get a drink or some food. He promised Sara he was going to stay with her so he would stay. For the past few hours, Sara had been lying sound asleep in bed. Josh was happy she was no longer having any nightmares...at least for now. The doctors told Josh that they had notified her foster parents and that they were on their way. Josh couldn't imagine how they must've felt when they got that phone call. It's not everyday someone from the hospital named Julia calls you up on your cell phone and tells you that your foster daughter was raped.

And in her own home.

By her own foster brother.

So, Josh waited in Sara's room for Ted and Nancy to arrive. He sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair with his hands folded over one another, every now and then changing his sitting position because his legs would get numb. All Josh wanted to do right now was kill Matthew. He could barely keep the anger inside of him. He had even snapped at a few nurses and doctors because he was so angry at him.

But, Josh was not about to leave Sara, so, he sat. And he waited.

Ted and Nancy burst through the doors of the hospital. They didn't bother to shield themselves from the rain outside, so they were sopping wet. They ran in and pushed people out of their way as they ran to the front desk. One woman was shoved to the ground and she started yelling at them in spanish, but they could not hear her.

All they were focused on was Sara. When they got the call from the hospital, nothing else mattered. All they wanted to- all they _needed_ to do was see her.

_Nancy picked up her cell phone as she was in the kitchen of her parent's house helping her mother fix dinner. "Hello?"_

_"Mrs. Wilcoff?"  
_

_"Yes?"_

_"This is Dr. Chan from Tamales Bay County Hospital."_

_Nancy tilted her head a bit in confusion. "What can I do for you?"_

_"Mrs. Wilcoff, is Sara Sidle your daughter?"_

_"Well...yes, she's my foster daughter, but what's this about? Is she okay?"_

_"Mrs. Wilcoff...she was brought in earlier today around noon."_

_"What? Why? Is she okay? Please tell me she's okay."_

_"Mrs. Wilcoff...I...I don't know how to tell you this, but...your daughter...has been...she's been raped, Mrs. Wilcoff."_

_Nancy's jaw dropped and her eyes widened. She forgot to breathe and she dropped the spoon she was using to stir a batter for a cake._

_"No...this...this can't have happened..."_

_"I'm sorry, Mrs. Wilcoff."_

_Nancy dropped the phone. "TED!"  
_

_Ted came running in the room. "What's wrong, Nance?"_

_"We have to go! **NOW**!"_

Nancy ran into the front desk, panting with Ted by her side. She looked as if she hadn't slept in days, though it was all from stress. She stared the tiny woman sitting at the front reception desk in the eye.

"Sara...Sidle..." she said panting. "She was...taken in...earlier today...around noon..."

The woman looked up from her tiny glasses and nodded. "I'll check the files." She flipped through the files casually and slowly. Nancy wanted to slug the woman in the face for taking so long, but she refrained from doing so. Instead, she spoke up.

"Listen sweetheart- we need to see our daughter. Now why don't you look a little harder?" Nancy said.

The woman looked up. "She's in room # 302..."

Ted and Nancy were already gone. They had blown the doors open and ran through the halls of the hospital looking for the room. They ran down each hall looking for the correct numbers.

"Damn, where is it?" Ted muttered.

"Upstairs, come on!" Nancy said grabbing his arm and shoving him into the elevator as the doors closed. She pressed the buttons and they went to the second floor. When the doors opened, they ran out, knocking over some elderly people who were waiting for the doors to open to use the elevator. They didn't apologize because they were already half-way down the halls.

"302! Over here!" Ted called from across the hall and Nancy ran over to the room he was standing outside of. They slowly opened the door. When the door was fully open, they saw a sleeping Sara lying in the blinding whiteness of the hospital bed tucked in tightly. Josh was sitting by her side holding her left hand, his head lowered but raised when the door was opened.

Nancy and Ted walked slowly over to her bed. The color drained from both their faces when they took the scene in in front of them. There in front of them lay the limp figure of their foster daughter. She looked a bit pale, though some color was returning to her cheeks. Ted and Nancy both assumed it was from what had happened. All they could see was her face. Her arms and legs were covered by the blankets and sheets. They didn't know if they really wanted to see the rest of her. They weren't sure if they were ready to see the angry bruises forming on her body.

Sara's eyes fluttered open when Nancy bumped into a small tray table. She looked around, frightened, trying to find the source of the noise, hoping deep inside it wasn't who she feared it was.

"Sara, it's okay, it's Ted and Nancy," Josh said rubbing her hand. She turned to him momentarily and looked around the room until she made out their figures.

"Ted...Nancy?" she whispered.

"We're here, Sara," Nancy said sitting down next to her in another chair by her bed. "We're here, honey, everything's okay," she said grabbing her other hand. "How are you doing, honey?"

Sara looked at Nancy with wide, still frightened eyes. It was heartbreaking. Here she was in the most vulnerable state they had ever seen her in, shaking like a little chihuaha. Her eyes were as wide as could be, fear and confusion plastered all over them.

Slowly, she nodded. "I think so," she whispered.

Nancy sniffed a little as tears formed in her eyes. She couldn't stand to see her so scared. Nancy looked down at the hand she was holding. She slowly slid the blanket and sheets off of her arms so she could see more of her. She gasped when she saw the bruises forming on Sara's wrists and upper arms. She could see their angry red and purple colors, the dark black that was spreading around each area of her arm. She choked back the sobs as best she could but she finally broke down and buried herself in Ted's chest.

"Ted...how could this have happened? Why?" Nancy cried, clinging onto the loose ends of his shirt.

Ted had an arm wrapped around his wife, rubbing her back softly as he tried to calm her down. "I don't know, Nancy...I don't know..."

Nancy turned to look at Sara, eyes red and puffy from crying. "Who, Sara? Who did this to you?"

Sara felt her stomach drop. She couldn't tell them that her own foster brother- the person _they _had welcomed into their own home haddone_ this _to her. That they had left her _alone_ with the very person that _raped _her.

"Josh..." Sara gasped, turning to look at him.

"Sara? What is it? I'm here," Josh said grabbing ahold of her hand.

"Josh...I...I'm going to be sick..." Sara said, grabbing his arm.

Josh grabbed a plastic waste bin to the side of the room and held it close to the side of her bed just in time. He rubbed her back slowly and gently as she continued to throw up, his other hand holding her hair out of her face. Tears ran down her face when she was and when she finally finished. She collapsed back onto the bed, her body racking with sobs. She buried her face in her arms.

Josh rubbed her back again. "It's okay, Sara."

"Josh..." she said in between sobs. "Tell...tell them, please..."

"But Sara..."

"Please, Josh...I can't do it..." she said.

Josh sighed. "Alright, Sara. I'll do it for you."

"Thank you," she whispered.

Josh nodded and stood up. "Mr. and Mrs. Wilcoff..." Josh started. "It was...it was Matthew."

Sara began to retch again as the name filled her ears. Josh ran back over to her and held the trash bin up and pulled her hair away from her face.

"No..." Nancy said, eyes widening in shock. "No, that...can't...be...right..." She collapsed into the chair. "That's...impossible..."

Ted had kneeled down beside her. "Nance? You okay?"

Nancy looked at Ted in fright before her eyes closed and she fainted in his arms. Sara looked up from getting sick to see her limp form fall into Ted's arms.

"She's okay, Sara," Ted reassured her. He moved Nancy back onto the chair gently.

Sara looked up at Josh. "Why is this happening, Josh?" she whispered, crawling into a tiny ball holding her knees.

"I don't know, Sara," Josh said. "But like I said- I'm going to get him. That I promise you. He's not going to get away with it again, I'm going to make sure he never hurts you or another person ever again."

Sara nodded slowly. "Thank you," she whispered softly as she drifted back off to sleep yet again.


	27. July 22, 1986 11:20 am Home

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: This chapter is more of Sara's POV. Just her thoughts and feelings of what happened and how it's affecting her.**

**July 22, 1986- 11:20 am- Residence of Ted and Nancy Wilcoff**

Sara had been released from the hospital that day. Now she was lying in bed. She felt uncomfortable. Unsafe. She was much too close to where it all happened. She was too close to _him._ She knew he could come back at any second. Her bedroom was right next to his. Right next to the scene of the crime. It made her shudder. She couldn't even bear to look into the room- to see the disturbed furniture, the one ripped piece of her blouse he had torn off.

To Sara, it was like reliving the experience. The _nightmare._ Looking into that room, she could see him clearly. She could see the shadow of her ignorant self walking into the room, wondering where he went. She could see him hiding behind the door, smiling to himself, fantacizing on what was to be. And then, she heard the door slam. She could feel his hands wrapping themselves around her wrists. She could feel him slam her into the wall. She could smell the cheap cologne he was wearing. And she could feel the fear rising up inside of her. Again.

The feel of the fabric of his bed comforter had forever been etched into her mind. The feeling of his hands on her flesh would never go away. She could see his shiny green eyes staring straight into hers filled with excitement. No remorse. No guilt. He was excited. _Excited._ She could feel his lips press against hers, his tongue enter her mouth. She could feel his nails scrape against her skin as he tore her shirt. And she could feel his hands move to the waistband of her jeans.

The sweat dripping down her face as he unbuttoned her jeans. The nausea forming in her stomach as he moved to the zipper. The whimper that escaped her lips as he slid them off of her legs and slid his boxers off of his waist.

It was all too real. And it felt as though it was happening again. Here she was, lying helpless on the bed, him on top of her, doing it all over again.

And she could do nothing.

She was powerless to stop it from happening.

Again.

It scared Sara to death. He had overpowered her. He had taken something away from her. Who was to say he wouldn't do it again? She couldn't stop him. Not by herself. She couldn't even protect herself.

Noting that Josh had finally been forced to go home, she got out of bed. Shaking slightly, the memories still etched in her brain, she opened her bedroom door and walked into the hallway. She grabbed a towel and wash-cloth from the hallway closet. She walked to the hallway bathroom and opened the door, closing and locking it behind her. She need to wash him off of her. Cleanse her body from feeling so violated, so unpure.

She set the towel down on the bathroom counter near the sink. The wash-cloth she threw over the side of the shower so that it rested right above the door for easy reach. She turned the faucets on in the shower, completely ignoring the faucet with a capital 'C' on it. She turned the hot water faucet as far as it would go and waited for the water to warm up.

She slowly slid off her socks and pants. She had to reassure herself that he was not here. It was just her. She was safe. He was not doing it again. It was harder than it sounded. Eventually, she had stripped of all her clothing and stepped into the shower.

The water was scorching against her creamy smooth skin. Steam was coming out the top of the shower as if a volcano was erupting. She let the hot water hit her body for a long moment. She didn't care that it was burning. She needed him off.

She reached for the bar of soap on the soap dish. She started on her arms, using way too much soap on them before grabbing her wash-cloth and scrubbing. She scrubbed furiously, hard. She moved to her wrists and again scrubbed hard. She had to get the feeling of his hands off of her. She winced as the wash-cloth and pressure she was applying was added to pain of the bruises on her wrists, but she continued to scrub.

Her legs were next. She again scrubbed furiously. The skin on her legs turned red and raw when she was finished scrubbing. She moved the shower head so that it sprayed directly onto her legs. She winced yet again as the scorching water burned the now raw skin on her legs washing the soap off.

When she was finally finished, there was no hot water left. She had no clue how long she had been in the shower, but frankly she didn't care. This was something she had to do. She emerged from the shower and grabbed her towel, wrapping it securely around her. Tucking the sides of it in, she reached into the drawer of the bathroom. She pulled her toothbrush out and a tube of toothpaste. This was followed by a large bottle of mouthwash which she opened quickly. She poured a large amount into the cap and took a swig of it. She rinsed long and hard, tears forming in her eyes from the burning sensation it left in her mouth. She finally spit it out. She put toothpaste on her toothbrush and brushed her teeth for way over two minutes. She could still feel his tongue in her mouth. She could taste him. She rinsed again with a swig of mouthwash and finally left the bathroom.

She walked into her bedroom and closed the door, turning the lock. She went to her closet and picked out an outfit to wear. She flipped through her clothes until her hand hovered above a pair of jeans.

Jeans.

She slowly ran her hand over them, the material brushing against the tips of her fingers. She shook her head quickly and picked out a pair of slacks instead. She threw them on her bed and picked out a shirt.

She got dressed and laid down on her bed. She looked up at her ceiling as she thought. She still felt unclean. She had scrubbed so hard, but it made no difference. She could still feel him pinning her to his bed. She could feel him slide his hand along her leg. She could feel and taste his tongue in her mouth. She had made no difference. The memories were still there. She could shed three layers of skin and she would still feel him.

And feeling him was only part of her problem. She could hear him. She could hear his breaths quickening with excitement as he slammed her onto his bed. She could hear him whispering into her ear, telling her to enjoy it. And she could hear him asking her if she had fun when it was all finally over.

But it wasn't over. At least for Sara it wasn't. Whenever she closed her eyes, all she saw was him. She had too many nightmares over the course of time from the day that it all happened. She couldn't shake them out of her head.

And Josh knew that Matthew was dangerous. He had warned her, but she was stupid and didn't take his word for it. She ignored his warnings, ignored the things he told her. She thought that Matthew was a nice person. That he would never do anything to hurt her. He was someone she _trusted._

And one of the biggest fears Sara had right now was the fear that he _would_ come back. That he _would_ do it again. And she knew damn well she couldn't stop him. He was too strong for her, not to mention that he was about twice her size.

And she couldn't live with that on her mind. She didn't think she could bear another trip to the hospital. She didn't want the EMTs swarming around her. She didn't want to be laid onto a stretcher. She didn't want to ever see the blinding white of the room she was in. She didn't want to be able to feel the thin white fabric of the hospital gown they dressed her in. She didn't want to feel so helpless, just lying limp on the hospital bed as nurses and doctors ran around.

Sara slowly closed her eyes and wrapped herself in the blankets of her bed. She was exhausted physically and mentally. Her eyelids closed as she began to drift off into sleep. She knew deep inside, however, that this sleep wouldn't last long. And she knew that for a fact for as soon as she fell asleep, she could feel him all over again.


	28. August 1, 1986 1:23 pm Josh's House

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T  
Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: Hey everyone! This is the chapter where Matthew finally makes his reappearance...**

**August 1, 1986- 1:23 pm- Residence of George and Frankie Deckard**

Sara sat in the middle of the brown couch of Josh's house. Sitting with her hands folded over one another, she stared at the ground in front of, something seemingly mesmerizing about it. She squinted a bit as sunlight poured into the room through the thin white blinds on the walls. She sighed a lowered her head, leg bouncing back and forth a bit.

Josh was sitting down beside her sipping a cold soda. He peered up at her every now and then, but as soon as it appeared that she had noticed his gaze apon her he turned away. He fumbled with the sleeve of his shirt a while as she continued to drink his soda, trying desperately to find something to say.

"Josh..." Sara stared, turning to look at him. "I was...I was thinking about what you were telling me in the hospital..."

Josh put his half-empty soda can down and straightened himself into a position that was facing her. He folded his hands in front of him. "What was that?"

"You said...that...you said that you were going to kill M..." she grimaced as the name almost came out of her mouth. "Ma--Mat...Ma-..."

"Matthew."

Sara flinched as he said the name. "...Yes...I...don't want you to...let the authorities do it."

Josh had picked up his soda can and taken another drink but it sprayed out of his mouth in a thin mist as he heard her say that. He coughed a bit, choking on the amount of liquid that actually made it down his throat. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "Sara..."

"Please, Josh...I...don't want you to get hurt."

"Sara, I can't just let it go..."

"But you have to. Please," she said putting a hand on his shoulder. "For me."

Josh looked down at her arm. He winced as he saw the faded bruises covering her wrists. He sighed and lowered his head, shaking his head slowly. "I'm sorry, Sara...I can't do that."

Sara frowned a bit. "Why, Josh?"

"Why?" Josh said looking up at her. "Why?" he repeated as he stood up. "He raped you, that's why! You're telling me you want that son-of-bitch to go free?"

"No!" Sara said standing up. "It's just...I...I've already lost someone close to me...and...I...don't want to lose another one."

Josh's face softened as he noticed her eyes glistening with tears. He walked over to her and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry, Sara, I shouldn't have snapped at you."

She nodded a bit as a tear ran down her face. "It's okay."

"But...I...have to do this, Sara."

"Okay..." she whispered. "Just don't do anything stupid."

Josh laughed a little. "I won't."

After a few minutes of them just standing there, Josh had noticed Sara's body slowly growing limp. Her breathing had slowed and her eyes were shut. He slowly led her half-asleep form to the couch and set her down. He sat down next to her and she slept with her head resting on his shoulder.

"Joshie!" Frankie called loudly from the kitchen as she walked in.

"Shhhhh!" Josh pleaded. "Sara's asleep," he whispered pointing to the limp brunette lying next to him.

"Ooooooh," Frankie said in a more quiet voice, though still quite louder than one would expect for a 'quiet' voice. "Is she tired?"

"More than you know," Josh muttered quietly, rolling his eyes.

Sara hadn't exactly been getting as much sleep as she could've the last few days. She was always tossing and turning in bed, waking up in a cold sweat from nightmares. Whenever she walked down the hallway, she always looked over her shoulder for fear someone was following her. And everyone knew who that someone was.

Sara was trying to avoid leaving the house entirely. She didn't know where Matthew was, and she knew he could come back at any minute. Sara was actually forced out of her house for the day- forensic scientists had come in to collect evidence from...the room. Ted and Nancy went driving around town for a while and Sara went with Josh. Sara clung to Josh the whole way to his house, looking over her shoulder, flinching whenever she thought she heard someone else's footsteps.

At Sara's house, the forensic scientists had combed every inch of the floor and building for potential evidence. They didn't miss a thing. They had slowly made their way into Matthew's bedroom, booties over their feet and latex gloves on to ensure that they didn't disturb the scene. With the lights off, they looked around the room with their torches in their hands, a ray of light illuminating the darker areas of the room for them to see. This was all Sara got a glimpse of before she left clinging to Josh's arm.

"What do you mean?" Frankie asked, moving a bit closer to the pair. "What was it? Lover's quarrel?" she giggled, pony-tail bouncing up and down with each of her movements.

"No," Josh said firmly.

"What happened, Joshie?" Frankie asked tilting her head.

"...She...was...Sara was raped by her foster brother, Frankie."

Frankie quickly shot up with a gasp. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped slightly as she slowly covered her mouth with her right hand. "Oh dear god..." she said, hand fully clamped over her mouth now. "Is she okay?"

Josh shrugged a little, sighing. "I...don't know. She's not telling me much. I can't blame her, though."

Frankie slowly nodded. Sara twitched a bit in her sleep and a small whimper escaped from her lips. Josh nudged her gently.

"Sara, Sara, wake up."

Sara's eyes immediately fluttered open and she yawned rubbing her head. She spotted Frankie and smiled weakly. "Hello, Frankie."

Frankie's normal cheery expression was gone. She actually looked a bit pale. She didn't respond right away and Josh had to clear his throat to free her from her trance. "Um, yes, hello, Sara."

Sara tilted her head a bit. "Something wrong?"

"No! No, of course not!" Frankie said putting on a fake but convincing smile. "I'm going to go bring in the groceries. See you kids later!"

Frankie disappeared around the corner humming a happy tune to herself. Sara looked at Josh with a confused expression on her face. "Um...Josh? What's wrong with Frankie? She didn't even call you 'Joshie'."

Josh smiled a bit. "Don't worry about it, it's nothing."

Sara nodded. "Okay."

"Want to go out for a bit?" Josh asked.

She froze. "I...uh...I..."

"Just for a little bit, we don't have to stay out long."

"I..."

"Please?" Josh asked, batting his eyelashes a little which were actually surpisingly long.

She sighed. "Alright..."

Josh cheered in victory and grabbed her arm, running out of the house with her. He ran down the sidewalk dragging her along behind him with her arm. Sara had no idea where they were going, and quite frankly Josh didn't either. The truth was, Josh wanted to get her out of the house. Back into the real world. She needed to take a deep breath of fresh air again. She needed to know what the chirping of birds sounded like again. She needed to feel a warm breeze again.

Josh ran around a street corner pulling Sara along with him. Sara squinted as the harsh light from the sun blinded her. She used her free arm to shield her face from the sunlight as they continued running around the corners of different streets. Soon, the familar smells of the outside world came back to her- chewing tobacco, whiskey, the norms.

Sara was jerked around a few more corners before Josh stopped and looked around with his hands folded to his chest. He looked at the street corners at the signs trying to figure out exactly where they were. Sara noticed his confused look and how he was still trying to keep his composure as he realized they were lost.

"Josh..."

"Hmn?"

"We're lost."

"No we're not."

"Yes we are."

"No, we're not," he said stubbornly. "I just...haven't been here in a while."

Sara rolled her eyes. "I bet."

Josh turned to look at her. "Um...okay...well...how many blocks did we go down?"

Sara sighed. "I don't know, you were the one pulling me along, everything was a blur to me."

He scratched his head. "Um...okay..."

Sara sighed again. "Just admit that we're lost."

"We're not!"

"Yes we are."

"Um...I'm...going to go in that store and..."

"Ask for directions?"

"No! I'm...thirsty," he lied and walked to the corner store. "I'll be back in a minute!" he called from the doorway of the tiny store and walked inside, a bell ringing as he opened the door. Sara watched as the door closed again and his figure was no longer visible in the store.

Sara sighed, looking around. She was alone. All that was missing was a tumble-weed. Sara planted her heel firmly in the ground, arms folded across her chest as she waited for Josh to return with his 'drink'. She looked around spotting a few cars parked here and there on the street. She looked to her side and saw a blue dumpster with graffiti sprayed on the side and lid. She studied the painted marks- they looked to be gang-related. Sara rolled her eyes, knowing that it was one of the last things her town needed- another gang.

Sara thought she heard something from behind her. She quickly flipped around. There was nothing. She kept her eyes fixed on the area for a long moment, though- she wasn't about to take any chances. Behind her was an alley with a few metal trash cans sitting to the sides of it and some old newspapers flying around. She sighed in relief when she saw no one behind her and turned back around.

Sara knew she was being paranoid. Who wouldn't be after what happened? She wasn't sure who she could trust anymore. Matthew had been someone she was supposed to be able to trust. How could he have done that to her? His own foster sister, someone he was supposed to be looking out for.

Sara failed to realize that someone could still have been behind her the whole time and that they could've just hidden behind the alley wall. So, she stood with her arms folded and heel dug into the ground waiting for Josh to return. Inside the building, she could make out the faint figure of him talking with the person at the register. She was still wondering what was taking him so long to come back, all he had to ask for was directions.

Out of nowhere, like a cat pouncing at a mouse, a figure jumped at Sara and pushed her into the alley. She had no idea what was going on or who this person was. She got her answer when she found herself pinned to the wall in the alley and the familar haunting green eyes of Matthew staring straight at her.

"Hey Sara."

This was starting to look all-too familar...

"How have you been?"

Sara didn't say anything. Her breath was caught in her throat and she choked on her words.

"Did you have fun that day?"

Again, no answer. Sara was trying desperately to free herself of his grasp.

"You know, I sure did."

Still no answer. She was shaking her head quickly as she tried to remove his hands from her wrists.

"And you know..." he said leaning closer to her. "We could always..." He slid one of his hands away from the wrist they were holding down to...

The waistband of her pants.

"...do it again," he finished.

Fear was now growing stronger inside of Sara again as she tried to free herself. She shook her head back-and-forth quickly. She finally found her voice and screamed. In mere seconds, Josh came running into the alley and took the scene in front of him in. He had to find his voice again, but he found it quickly.

"LEAVE HER ALONE, YOU BASTARD!"


	29. August 1, 1986 2:15 Alley

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T  
Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: The showdown...bum, bum, BUM! dramatic music plays in background**

**August 1, 1986- 2:15 pm- Alley of Winston and Maple Street**

Sara felt like she would die right there in the alley. She could see the detectives hunched over her lifeless body, shaking their heads and saying how it was a pity that she was so young. She could see her life flashing before her eyes, and she wasn't too pleased at the images that appeared before her. First she saw flashes of her drunk father coming home fighting with her mother. Then she saw flashes of purple and black bruises covering half of her body. After that, she could see the flashes of crimson and silver from the night her mother finally took a stand.

The nenxt few images weren't as gruesome. She saw a smiling Nancy and Ted waving at her and Josh running up to her holding his skateboard in his hand. She could see him sliding the bracelet on her wrist and could almost feel the tears forming in her eyes again.

But then, things got bad again. She could feel the awkwardness of seeing Matthew sitting in her kitchen eating lunch like any other day. She could hear Josh's warnings and watch as she shoved him into his house. She could hear the car driving off and Josh's muffled pleads for her to come back. And then, she could see herself walking into his room.

And after that, she came back to reality.

She could feel Matthew's cold hands still wrapped tightly around her wrists. She could feel his nails digging into the sides of her soft skin. Just to her right, she could see Josh looking furious. The last time she had seen him this angry was when he punched Melissa, and even that paled in comparrison to the ferocious look in his eyes, his glare digging into Matthew like daggers.

Matthew just barely turned his attention away from holding Sara in place against the wall. Still holding her wrists to her sides, he turned his head about 15 degrees to the left to see Josh out of the corner of his eye. Matthew obviously wasn't phased by Josh's statement, though it did get a little bit of his attention.

"Let her go, you sick bastard," Josh said, teeth grinding, hands balled into fists and knuckles turning white.

Matthew just continued to stare at him for a second. Sara could see his eyes traveling up and down Josh's body, examining his build. Sara knew Josh couldn't stand a chance. Josh wasn't nearly as tall as Matthew, plus Matthew looked to be a gym regular. He shifted his grip on Sara making her wince. She could tell that new bruises were going to be forming over the old ones- and they were _just_ started to fade...

"Let her go," Josh repeated. "**NOW**."

Matthew smiled a bit as Josh's tone became fiercer and more frightening. He pulled Sara by her wrists in front of him and wrapped and arm around her waist. His other hand held her arms behind her back, twisting them in a peculiar position. Sara winced and whimpered a little as he continued to twist her arms in strange ways.

"Don't you dare," Josh said, taking a step forward. Sara had practically fallen to her knees from the pain, but she managed to look up at Josh and tell him with her eyes not to come any closer.

Matthew smiled again. He was enjoying the situation. He kneeled down beside Sara who was now on her knees and caressed her chin gently as he pulled her head against him. Sara had a look of total disgust on her face. Josh was giving Matthew a warning glance who only grinned in response. He slowly turned Sara to face him and she could barely look at his haunting green eyes. With a hand behind her head holding firmly onto the back of her neck, he leaned closer to her and planted his lips on hers. Sara had closed her eyes tightly now and was fidgeting, trying to escape.

"You piece of shit..." Josh said taking another few steps closer to the pair. Sara cracked one eye open a little so that she could see Josh's figure coming closer into view. A tear ran down her cheek as Matthew had again wrapped an arm around her waist and began to deepen the kiss. When he finally moved his lips away from hers he shoved her to the ground, her arms held against her back, her face planted in the dirt.

Sara grunted a bit, spitting dirt out of her mouth. Matthew reached his hand under her and again slid his hands onto the waistband of her pants. Josh saw this.

"Don't you dare..." Josh warned.

Matthew grinned again as he slowly started undoing the button. Sara cried out in fright and terror.

"You lay one more hand on her and I swear..." Josh said, raising his hand up to point at Matthew. Matthew had risen his hand up after unbuttoning her pants to her shirt and rubbed his hand across her stomach, making Sara want to gag. "You son of a bitch," Josh said running at him. Sara didn't have time to stop him and he had kicked Matthew square in the jaw. Sara fell to the ground shaking.

"You're a persistent little piece of shit, aren't you?" Matthew said to Josh, rubbing a drop of blood away from his mouth.

"It's a flaw," Josh said now knelt down beside Sara trying to calm her down. "It's going to be okay, Sara," he said putting a hand on her shoulder before Matthew's fist connected with his right temple. Josh fell to the ground motionless.

"Josh!" Sara yelled, running to his side. "Josh, wake up," she said shaking him. "Josh! Come on, wake up!" His eyes stayed closed and he made no indication that he was awake.

"Come here, Sara," Matthew said holding his arms out. "We're not finished yet."

Sara turned to look at Matthew, fear rising up inside of her again, but she was determined to keep her composure. "You sick bastard!"

He frowned. "Now that's not a very nice thing to say," he said putting a hand to his chin and rubbing it softly pretending to look like he was thinking. "I always thought you were more of a perfectionist. I thought you were polite and curdious, just what you told me."

Sara grimaced at the thought of actually sharing information with this guy.

"Come here, Sara."

"Go to Hell."

"Alright, then I guess I'm going to have to come over there myself."

Sara's eyes widened and her heart started to beat faster. She slowly got to her feet and started to back away from him, her eyes scanning the area for something she could use as a weapon. Matthew was only feet away from her. She swung her arm at him but she was too slow, and he grabbed her arm, his fingers tightening around it. Sara winced. She swung again with her other arm. That proved to be a bad move, because he grabbed her other arm and now she was completely helpless. He kicked her knees and her legs buckled under her giving way. He shoved her to the ground on her back. It was all happening again.

"Get off of me!" Sara cried rolling around under his weight.

"You know, Sara..." Matthew started. "Last time I was just getting warmed up."

Sara was panting with exhaustion and fear as she was forced to look into his eyes.

"This time is going to be a lot better," he said and rested his head above her chest. He just lied there for a moment as Sara tried to get out from under him.

"Let me go!" Sara screamed.

"Shh..." Matthew whispered pressing his lips against hers once again and sliding a hand onto her stomach. He reached under her shirt and a tear ran down her face. His other hand was unzipping her pants.

It was going to happen again.

As Matthew's tongue entered Sara's mouth, she bit down as hard as she could- it was her only defense- her arms were to her sides and her legs were useless under his weight.

"GAH!"

Matthew growled in pain and anger as he withdrew his mouth from hers and glared down at her. She returned the glare and spit in his face. "Damn you!" he yelled wiping it from his face and lifting her up by her shoulders. He threw her into one of the walls. Sara cried out in pain as her side connected with the brick wall. Matthew was like the Incredible Hulk- his strength was inhuman.

Sara moaned in pain as she looked up to see Matthew walking over to her once again. A drop of blood fell from his closed mouth making Sara note that his tongue was bleeding. Served him right.

"That was a pretty bitchy thing to do there, Sara," Matthew said shaking his head. Sara glared up at him and her leg connected with the left side of his rib cage. Again he growled in anger and pain and he punched her once in the face before slamming her into the wall, his hands wrapped around her throat.

"I could kill you, Sara," he warned, staring straight into her eyes. "But then I wouldn't have any fun, would I?" he added with a smirk and his left hand moved to her shirt once again.

"Get your hands off of me," Sara gasped.

Matthew grabbed her shoulders and shoved her to the ground, sitting on top of her. He ripped her shirt sleeve and threw it to the side.

"Josh," Sara gasped again as her eyes locked onto his still-limp form.

Matthew's hands were everywhere and he started to slide her pants off.

"Josh!" Sara yelled. His form did not change.

Matthew slid a hand up her shirt once again.

"JOSH!" Sara screamed before Matthew's lips curled around hers.

WHAM!

Matthew fell limp on top of Sara, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. Sara was shaking but she sighed in relief when she saw Josh standing over Sara with his hand made into a fist. His right temple had a nasty red bruise on it.

"Josh..." Sara whispered.

Josh kneeled down beside her and shoved Matthew off of her. He looked at the torn shirt sleeve and unfastened pants. "Oh god...he didn't-"

"No, you stopped him just in time," Sara said and managed a weak smile. Josh turned and looked at the bruise forming on her face.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'll be fine," she said slowly sitting up. She fell back down grasping her head. "My head is pounding..."

"Just stay there, okay?" Josh told her and she slowly nodded. He got up and threw a pebble at the corner store. It hit the window. Nothing happened. He threw some more and eventually the person from the register had opened the door.

"What do you want?" the old man asked.

"Call 9-1-1!" Josh yelled back to the man.

"What?"

"9-1-1!"

The man nodded quickly and ran inside. Josh knelt down beside Sara again and held her hand tightly as the man ran over to them. He looked at the unconscious Matthew to Sara to Josh. "What the hell happened?"

"My friend was almost raped! You were a lot of help," Josh said shooting the man a glare.

"I thought these kids were playing! You know how many things I see in the world today?" the old man said to his defense.

Josh rolled his eyes and turned back to Sara. Soon the ambulances and police cars arrived and the police handcuffed Matthew, carrying his limp form into a patrol car. Sara and Josh were led to an ambulance and took a seat inside before the doors closed and they drove off.


	30. August 1, 1986 2:54 pm

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**August 1, 1986- 2:54 pm**

Sara and Josh sat next to each other in the ambulance as they drove to the hospital. Sara was still shaking from what had happened and the EMTs had wrapped a blanket around her. Sara held on tightly to the sides of the blanket as she stared at the floor. Josh was watching her as he held a bag of ice against his head.

A bruise was now covering about half of Sara's right eye. Josh felt so stupid- he had left her alone. It was his fault that Matthew almost did...it again. He was too stupid to think that Matthew could've been there. He had promised Sara he was never going to hurt her again.

They arrived at the hospital and the EMTs jumped out. They helped Josh and Sara out and they quickly objected to the stretchers they had brought out. They instead followed the EMTs inside the emergency room and took a seat on two beds next to each other.

Josh put the bag of ice down, wincing as the pain in his head became more apparent. He turned to look at Sara. The white hospital blanket that had been placed around her shoulders was now gone, and she just sat with her legs crossed, rubbing her wrists where new bruises resembling fingers were forming. Her right shirt sleeve was torn exposing her upper arms and Josh winced when he saw more bruises forming on them as well. Her arms were laying in her lap covering the undone button and zipper on her pants.

Sara was pale. She was still shaking as much as she was in the ambulance and what scared Josh the most was that she wasn't making a sound. She hadn't talked since he had knocked Matthew unconscious in the alley, and even then she seemed to have had to put effort into forming the words. Sara's gaze was fixed on the white wall of their room. She wasn't blinking- she was just staring straight at the wall as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

Josh, trying to alter her gaze and get a sound out of her, grabbed the remote and turned the TV on that was positioned on the upper right corner of the wall near his bed. When the TV came on, Sara didn't even blink. Josh pretended to not be watching Sara and he looked at a blue dinosaur dancing across the screen on the TV. He smiled and laughed a bit at the children's program, finding it absolutely ridiculous, but when he turned to Sara with a smile on his face, she still hadn't noticed him turn the TV on or his slight chuckle.

Josh was worried now. "Sara?"

Sara still stared at the wall of the room, not even flinching as he said her name.

"Sara?"

Still nothing.

"Sar?"

That got a small reaction. She blinked and turned her head a few degrees toward him.

"Sar, I...are..."

She turned and looked directly at him, her eyes staring directly into his, her mouth made into a frown.

"Are you okay, Sara?" Josh asked.

Sara stared at him for a moment before falling forward and collapsing on the bed. Josh quickly jumped up and ran over to her. He shook her gently as he put a hand on her forehead. "Sara? Sara, wake up, come on." Sara's eyes stayed closed as he attempted to wake her from her slumber. He threw the door to the room open, panicked, and looked around for a nurse. "Help! We need help in this room!"

Three nurses came running down the hallway and into the room. "What happened?"

"My friend...she...just collapsed," Josh said.

One of the nurses moved to Sara and gently rolled her over. She put a hand on her neck checking for a pulse. "She has a strong pulse, she probably just fainted."

"Why?" Josh asked.

"A lot of reasons. Perhaps shock or exhaustion," the nurse suggested. She slowly lifted Sara's limp form up and laid her head on the pillow of the hospital bed. Another brought in a blanket and draped it over her.

"What can we do?" Josh asked.

"The best thing to do right now is let her rest," one of the nurses said. She noticed the bump on his head. "Have you gotten your head checked?"

"What?" Josh blinked. "Um...no."

"We should do the exam right now, we need to make sure you didn't sustain any injuries to your head."

"But..." Josh turned to Sara's pale form on the bed.

"She'll be fine, she's asleep," the nurse told him. "Come on," she said and led him out of the room. Josh took one more look at Sara before walking out with the nurse.

Right after the exam, Josh heard screaming. A scream that was all-too familiar. He quickly shot up and ran down the hallways to Sara's room, almost knocking over a few nurses on the way there. When he arrived at the room, Sara was being held down by nurses and doctors.

"Let me go!" Sara cried thrashing around on the bed. Her eyes were closed- she was still asleep.

Josh stood petrified by the sight in front of him. He had been in the room with Sara before when she had nightmares, but he had never before seen her- seen anyone for that matter- experience something this intense.

There were at least four nurses in the room holding her down and a doctor instructing them on what to do. The doctor was currently getting a syringe ready, filling it with a clear liquid and tapping the needle.

"NO!" Sara screamed, tears running down her cheeks as the nightmare continued and she thrashed violently against the nurses.

"Hold her!" the doctor said to the nurses as he approached with the syringe. The nurses held her arms and legs down as he injected the clear liquid into Sara's right arm. She continued to thrash against the nurses for a few moments after it had entered her body, but she finally stopped and laid shaking and whimpering quietly on the bed, drying streaks of tears running down her face.

The nurses walked out of the room after draping the white hospital blanket over her again. Josh stopped the doctor.

"What did you do?" Josh asked.

"We just gave her something to help her sleep, to calm her down," the doctor said. "She should be fine now."

Josh just nodded slowly as the doctor left the room and he ran instantly to Sara's side. She was still shaking. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly as she whispered incoherently. Josh could tell her body was trying its best to fight off the effects of the sedative that had been issued to her, but she finally gave in and stopped fighting it. She stopped whispering and slept.

"I'm so sorry, Sara," Josh whispered. "I was stupid...I..." He smiled a little bit. "You were right...I...I was just a stubborn ass. We were lost," he said with a slight chuckle. "I...I should never have left you alone," he said, lowering his head. "Because...because of my stupidity that bastard almost...he almost did it again!" Even though Sara was asleep, Josh continued to speak to her. "I...I promised to protect you...and...I'm sorry."

For a few moments, there was nothing but silence. Josh just sat with his head lowered holding Sara's hand tightly in his. His head popped up when the door was thrown open and four panting adults ran in.

"Sara!" Nancy and Ted said in unison looking down at the sleeping form of their foster daughter.

"Josh!" George and Frankie said in unison (though Frankie added the 'ie' at the end).

Nancy ran to Sara's side with Ted close behind. She kneeled down beside her and grabbed her other hand. "What happened?" she asked Josh.

"We...went for a walk," Josh started. George and Frankie had walked over to his side. George put a hand on his shoulder and Frankie was examining the bump on his head. "And...we got lost..." he continued. "I...I said we weren't and I went to the corner store to ask for directions..." He looked up at Nancy and Ted. "I left her alone! I...it's all my fault..."

"What's your fault?" Nancy asked.

"Matthew...Matthew almost...did...he almost did it again," Josh whispered lowering his head. He broke down in sobs. "It's all my fault..."

Nancy and Ted didn't respond to Josh's statement. Nancy just started crying and Ted was trying his best to comfort her. George and now Frankie were trying to calm Josh down.

A few hours later, Sara's eyes fluttered open. She looked around the room and saw Nancy and Ted sitting together in one chair sleeping to her left. To her right, Frankie and George were lying on Josh's bed and Josh's head was resting on the side of Sara's bed.

Sara smiled. "Now what is this?" Sara asked purposely raising the tone in her voice to wake them all up.

Nancy and Ted yawned as they woke up. Frankie let out a long squeaky yawn and Sara started giggling. George sat up rubbing his head and Josh perked up the second he heard Sara's voice.

"Sara?" Josh said.

"In the flesh," she said with a smile.

"SARA! OH MY GOD!" Josh said throwing his arms around her. "THANK GOD!"

Sara smiled a little bit. "I'm happy to see you too."

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SCARED I WAS!"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," he said quickly. "I should be the one apologizing. This whole thing was my fault, I-"

"Josh, forget about it, it's fine."

Nancy wailed with happiness when she noticed Sara was awake and took her into a tight hug. Josh just smiled as he watched Ted and Nancy ask ten questions a second and Sara trying to answer each of them just as fast. George and Frankie stood behind Josh, each with a hand on his shoulder.

A knock came at the door and a well-dressed woman walked in. She had a badge positioned on the right brest pocket of her business suit. "I'm sorry to ask this, but I need both of your accounts of what happened," the woman said looking at both Josh and Sara.


	31. August 12, 1986 12:12 pm Court

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: This chapter takes place in a courtroom. I was and still am very excited about writing this chapter, but I apologize for any inaccuracies and/or errors in the chapter! I tried to make sure most of it was correct, but if not all of it was I apologize!**

**August 12, 1986- 12:12 pm- Courtroom**

Sara sat at a small wooden table next to the lawyer that was handling her case. Nancy and Ted were sitting by Josh followed by George and Frankie. Josh was sitting behind her and had a comforting hand on her shoulder. This did little to calm Sara's nerves as a bile formed in her throat with each glance around the room.

There were two stands in front of her- one for the judge and another for witnesses, etc. Sara knew she was going to be called up there. She was a witness, but she was also a _victim._ A helpless victim, and here she was today in a court of law about to reveal to complete strangers the details of her rape- something she was hoping would not get out. She had already given her account to a woman who had come to the hospital, and here she was having to do it all over again.

Sara was fumbling with the beaded bracelet on her wrist nervously. The lawyer sitting next to her was talking to himself about what he was going to present to the jury and the judge himself as he went through files and papers on the table in front of him and occasionally took a sip of water from a cup in front of him. Sara looked up at the lawyer every now and then and he just looked at her with a smile before turning back to his papers and folders. Sara didn't see why he was smiling- he was about to present the details of a rape in court.

Sara looked around the room again. She squinted at the large amount of light that was coming into the room through the large windows in the room. The navy blue drapes hanging by the windows weren't helping at all. Next to the two stands of the room was a golden flag pole holding the American flag. Next to it on the other side of the judge's stand was the California flag.

The doors leading to the courtroom opened. A well-dressed woman in a blue business jacket with a matching skirt. Her slender legs moved back and forth with each step she took and she had a confident smile on her face. Her blonde hair had a slight wave to it and her green eyes stared straight ahead of her. She had a pen positioned on her ear just above the pearl earring in her earlobe.

The woman walked to the brown business table to the right of Sara and her lawyer. She put down thick file on the table before turning back around to the door leading to the courtroom. The doors opened again.

Sara had turned around to see who was coming in this time. She felt sick as the person walked through the doors. It was Matthew. He walked through the doors with a sick grin on his face as his eyes scanned the room. They automatically locked themselves on Sara and she noticed his grin seemed to become increasingly large. He walked over to his lawyer, his eyes still fixed on Sara, and took a seat in the wooden chair next to her.

Sara felt a tight squeeze on her shoulder and she jumped. She turned around slowly to look at Josh who had leaned closer to her.

"Don't look at him, Sar. Don't let him intimidate you," Josh whispered into her ear. Sara weakly nodded and she turned back around to face the two stands in the front of the room, trying her best to avoid spotting Matthew's glance out of the corner of her eye.

A door opened near the judge's stand and a female judge walked out. She was a good-looking african-american woman who didn't look a day over 25. Her dark brown hair was tied in a tight bun and she approached the stand, taking a seat and picking up a file that was placed on the stand to begin with. She opened it up and flipped through it as the room quieted down.

"Sara Sidle vs Matthew Dillan," said a security guard, a rather plump man with red cheeks standing to the side of the room. The judge sitting at the stand nodded slowly. After everyone stood up and the standard procedures were finished, the judge spoke.

"So, Ms. Logan," the judge said looking at Matthew's lawyer. "Matthew Dillan is being accused of statutory rape."

"That is correct, your Honor," the blonde woman, now standing, said, still with her wide and confident smile.

The judge was taken aback momentarily at the wide and confident grin coming from the blonde but she turned to Sara's lawyer. "Mr. Woods, Sara Sidle is the accuser."

Sara's lawyer stood up and nodded slowly. "That is correct your Honor- my client claims that Matthew Dillan had sexual intercourse with her without her consent."

The judge nodded. "Your Honor?" This was Matthew's lawyer.

"Yes, Ms. Logan?"

"I would like to call Sara Sidle to the stand."

Sara froze and her stomach dropped. The judge nodded. "Very well." Sara's lawyer looked over at her and she slowly got to her feet. She made her way to the lectern and took a seat, shaking a bit. She tried her best to ignore the smile on Matthew's face.

"So," Mattew's lawyer started as she approached Sara at the stand. "Did you enjoy it?"

"Objection- irrelevance!" Sara's Lawyer said quickly.

"Ms. Logan," the judge said turning to her. "What exactly is the point of your question?"

She just smiled and shrugged a bit. "It's a simple question to determine whether or not the sex was consensual."

The judge nodded slowly. "I'll allow it."

"Your Honor!" Sara's lawyer pleaded. "Please-"

"Sit down, Mr. Woods."

Sara's lawyer's mouth still hung half-way open, but he slowly sat down sighing.

"So," Matthew's lawyer started again. "Did you enjoy it?" she asked Sara.

Sara's eyes widened- was she actually asking her this?

"Please answer the question," the judge said looking at Sara.

Sara turned momentarily to the judge before turning back to the woman. "Of course not!" Sara said.

The woman nodded. "Did you ever flirt with Matthew?"

Sara blinked. "...Excuse me?"

"DId you ever say anything flirtatious? Or look at him in a certain way?"

"Of course not, he was my..." She lowered her head a little. "He was my foster brother."

"You didn't say or do anything that may have been considered flirtatious?"

"No!" Sara said.

The woman nodded. "How well did you know Matthew before it happened?"

Sara grimaced as she knew what 'it' was. "Only one day."

"And the day it happened you were..." She prompted for Sara to continue.

"My...our foster parents were going to visit someone out-of-town for a while."

"And they left you alone with Matthew."

"They thought we would be okay. We have a baseball bat in the closet."

"They left you alone with someone who is almost a legal adult."

Sara froze. She now realized that she was making Ted and Nancy look responsible for this whole thing. "I..."

"Please answer the question."

"...Yes," she whispered.

"So...you were alone with Matthew. You claim that you didn't do anything...flirtatious," the woman continued. "What if Matthew thought otherwise?"

"I..."

"What if he thought you were attracted to him?"

"...I..."

"What if he thought that it was what you wanted?"

"Objection!" Sara's lawyer yelled standing up again.

"Ms. Logan, please make your point," the judge said.

"Did you ever once tell Matthew to stop?" Matthew's lawyer asked.

Sara froze. Sure, she had tried to tell him to stop but he had a hand over her mouth, her screams and cries had come out muffled. "Yes."

"I have no more questions, your Honor," the woman said and walked off, walking back to the counsel table and taking a seat next to Matthew. Matthew just smiled at Sara, his grin still the same size it was when he had walked in.

Sara's lawyer approached the lectern and cleared his throat. "You didn't know Matthew very well."

Sara shook her head. "Like I said...I only knew him for one day..."

"Did you feel uncomfortable around Matthew?"

"Very..."

"How did it happen?"

Sara again grimaced as she knew damn well what 'it' was. "...He had called me into his room."

He nodded for her to continue.

"...I didn't see him...but...it was because he was hiding behind his door, waiting..." She winced. "Waiting for...for me."

"And then what happened?"

"He...slammed his door and slammed me into the wall..."

_She could feel his hands wrapping around her wrists again, the fear rising inside of her once again as he looked into her eyes with a haunting look of excitement and satisfaction._

"And...then..."

_"Would you like a crash course?"_

"He...slammed me onto his bed, and...held me down by...by my wrists..."

_She could feel his icey hand clamped over her mouth and hear her muffled screams._

"...I tried to make him stop, but...he...had a hand over my mouth..."

_She could feel his hands on her body._

"...He started unzipping his pants...and...then he...took my pants off..."

_She could feel the warm tears running down her cheeks._

"He ripped my shirt...and...he...took off his boxers and my underwear...and...he...raped me."

"No more questions, your Honor," her lawyer said and walked back to the counsel table.

"You may step down," the judge said to Sara and she quickly walked back over to the counsel table, tears threatening to fall down her face. Josh put a hand on her shoulder.

Matthew was next and he sat down at the lectern with a grin still on his face. His lawyer walked up and put her hands behind her back, shoulders relaxed as if they had rehearsed this whole thing.

"So, was Sara flirting with you?" she asked.

"Was she flirting with me?" Matthew said with a smile. "No."

"Then why did you do what you did?"

"I could tell she wanted it."

Sara felt sick. Her head was lowered and her arms were clenching her stomach.

"How so?" the woman asked.

"She told me."

"Verbally?"

"No...I could tell...just looking at her...she wanted me to do it. She was begging for it."

Sara was shaking, sweat beading down her face. She had to work to keep her stomach at bay.

"No more questions, your Honor."

The woman walked back to the counsel table and Sara's lawyer walked to the lectern. "She didn't actually tell you verbally."

"No," Matthew said.

"Then why did you do it?"

"LIke I said- she wanted it."

"But she didn't tell you she did."

"Yes she did."

"You may have thought she wanted it," he said. "But she never actually told you she wanted you to do it."

"Not verbally."

"And when you had her in your bedroom she fought against you?"

"Guess she likes it rough."

Sara ran out of the courtroom quickly, clenching her stomach. When she finally reached the bathroom she emptied the contents of her stomach.

The judge pounded the gammel on the stand a few times. "Order! Order!"

Matthew was grinning madly and even chuckled a bit as he watched everyone's shocked expressions.

"Court will take a small recess and be back in session in fifteen minutes," the judge said and walked off after pounding the gammel one more time.

In the bathroom, Sara couldn't stop throwing up- she was reliving it all over again. He was here, she was here- just the thought of being so close to him made her sick. The doors to the bathroom opened and Nancy, Ted, and Josh ran into the bathroom.

"Sara," Josh said. "Are you okay?"

Sara ran over to him and broke down in sobs, holding onto him tightly. "It's okay, Sara," Josh told her. "It's okay...you did good. Shh, it's okay..."

Josh tried to comfort Sara as best he could before the fifteen minute recess was up.


	32. August 12, 1986 12:54 pm Court

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)  
Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**A/N: A thanks to CSHighland, again, and to everyone who reviewed!**

**August 12, 1986- 12:54 pm- Courtroom**

Sara stood over the sink in the bathroom, cupping her hands together and throwing cold water onto her face to help calm her down. Josh was right behind her with a hand on her shoulder as she washed her face and moved to get a paper towel to dry off with. She had finally stopped throwing up, but Josh wasn't sure what would happen once the fifteen minute recess was over.

"Are you okay now, Sara?" Josh asked her as he handed her a paper towel.

Sara sighed, grabbing the paper towel and wiping the water off of her face. "I...don't know."

"He can't hurt you, Sara. No one's going to let him hurt you. He can't do anything to hurt you anymore," Josh said.

"Then why does it feel like he's killing me?"

Josh sighed, lowering his head. He slowly walked over to her. "Sara...you'll get through this. It's just going to be a little longer and then he'll be put away for the awful things he did to you. You need to understand that. None of us are going to let him come near you."

Sara slowly nodded. "I'm sorry...it's...it's just that...when...when he looks at me, it...it feels like...he's just waiting...like he's just waiting for that opportune moment...and...I...I know I wouldn't be able to stop him..."

Josh put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm not going to let him hurt you, Sara."

She slowly nodded, composing herself. "Okay..."

Josh nodded. "Okay...the...recess is up, so...we need to..."

Sara had already walked out of the bathroom, the door closing behind her. She lowered her head, sighing deeply as she made her way down the hallways of the building, the whole time staring at the marble floor. When she looked up she came face-to-face with the wooden door leading back into the courtroom. She took a deep breath as her fingers wrapped around the doorknob. She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder, but she smiled when she saw Josh standing behind her. She slowly opened the door and took a step into the courtroom.

Josh went back to his seat behind Sara and her lawyer at the counsel table. Sara looked around the room again- it was such a big room, though it felt as though the walls were closing in. It was intoxicating- there were so many people there, and Sara again got an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Josh looked over at her from his seat and motioned to her chair. Sara blinked and walked over to her chair at the counsel table. She took a seat as the judge walked back into the room and took a seat at her stand.

"Court is now in session," the judge spoke.

Sara looked around the room once again. Matthew's green eyes were staring right at her and she quickly turned away. Even with her back turned, she could still feel his eyes burning into the back of her head. She lowered her head slowly, enough to where she could no longer see Matthew's form.

Sara's lawyer had gotten up out of his chair, leaving behind a thick file on the counsel table. He stepped around to the front of the table and reached back onto it, picking up a glass of water. He took a big sip and set it back down before turning to the jury in the room.

"People of the jury," he said in a loud tone. "It has obviously been made clear that Matthew Dillan has emotionally traumatized my client."

Sara sighed- he was basically saying the bastard raped her in more technical terms.

"And please take into consideration the following," her lawyer stated. "Strong forensic evidence has been collected from the residence of Ted and Nancy Wilcoff," he said, hands behind his back as he walked in front of the jury. "Recovered at the crime scene was a small piece of my client's blouse that Matthew Dillan ripped off of her shirt."

Sara grimaced.

"The lab had it tested and Matthew Dillan's epotheleoles were found."

Sara was silently calming down as the evidence was pointing more and more towards Matthew, but she gulped a bit as she saw Matthew still staring at her with a sick grin on his face.

"The group of criminalists that went to the scene also found semen on the bed sheets."

This made Sara want to gag.

"The semen belonged to Matthew Dillan."

Sara covered the left side of her face with her hand so she couldn't see Matthew's eyes burning into her head.

"And also," her lawyer continued. "Matthew Dillan's skin cells were found underneath Sara Sidle's fingernails and vice-versa. This proves that a struggle ensued. Sara Sidle reportedly had a large scratch just under her neck."

Sara absent-mindidly moved her hand right above her chest and ran her fingers over the skin where the scratch had been.

"All of the evidence is there. Semen found in the rape kit and crime scene, disturbed furniture at the scene, and of course the horrible traumatic memories left by the horrible experience. We have shown you various photographs taken of my client's injuries. A pregnancy test was issued, and thank god my client was not pregnant." He looked around the room. "This is something no 12-year-old girl should have to go through. Matthew Dillan was invited into her home. He was someone she should have been able to trust." He looked over the jurors before finishing. "Thank you." He walked back over to the consel table, and Sara noted that he appeared to be patting himself on the back subconsciously.

Matthew's lawyer stood up next. "Semen...hmm, that's a funny thing. You know, I thought when people had sex semen was expected to be found," she said looking at the jurors. "In this case, a condom was not used, so it's understandable how the semen appeared on the bed sheets. But is it also possible that the semen could have been from...let's say...my client simply ejaculating on the bed sheets?"

Sara raised her head up- this didn't seem to be going too well.

"I have heard of cases of rapes that the prosecutor- in this case Sara Sidle- actually said the word 'no'. Maybe Matthew didn't think she was being serious, that when she said 'no', she actually meant 'yes' as a flirtatious come-on. It is possible, isn't it? And the injuries she sustained could have been from the two of them just having sex. Consider this as well- Ted and Nancy Wilcoff left both Matthew and Sara alone. And _if_ Matthew Dillan _did_ rape Sara Sidle, then who really is to blame? Matthew, or the foster parents?"

Sara's eyes widened- no, she couldn't be trying to pin this whole thing on Ted and Nancy, it wasn't their fault, no one knew that it was going to happen...

"They are the parents, and they had welcomed Matthew Dillan into their home. And in giving him a home, they also gave him 24-hour access to their foster daughter, did they not? To my understanding, Matthew's room was right next to Sara's, it would have been easy for him to get to her. Don't you think they should have considered this? He is five years older than Sara, he is almost a legal adult, after all, and they had only had him in their home for so long, they shouldn't have him alone with her."

Sara turned around to see a terrified Nancy and Ted. Nancy's eyes were wide, and she was holding onto Ted tightly, her knuckles turning white. Ted was horrified, his jaw dropped, eyes widened, and knuckles turning just as white as Nancy's.

"Thank you."

And with that, Matthew's lawyer walked back to the counsel table and took a seat. Sara was having trouble grasping what was happening- what if Matthew went free and Ted and Nancy took all the blame for this whole thing happening?

"Court is dismissed. We will all call you back when the jury has reached their decision," the judge said.

With a pound of the gammel, the judge walked out of the room. Matthew stood up and after giving Sara a wave and walked out of the room with his lawyer. Things definetly weren't going well. Even if Matthew was found guilty, the most he might get could be one to two weeks of jail time and community service hours. And what would happen with Nancy and Ted? Sara knew this wasn't their fault.

All she could do was wait for the jury's final verdict and hope for the best.

Whatever that was.


	33. September 1, 1986 Court

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: Here's a new chapter! I'm sorry for not updating in a while, I've had writer's block, I hope you guy's enjoy this new chapter!**

**September 1, 1986- Courtroom**

Standing at the counsel table, Sara held Josh's hand tightly behind her. She was fidgeting nervously as she looked around the room. Today was the day the jury would finally make their decision. Sara was surprised at how little time it took them to finally make their choice, but it was in a way understandable considering the evidence that had been presented. Sara was just hoping that the jury was on her side.

Ted and Nancy stood by Josh as they kept their eyes locked on Sara. Sara turned around every now and then and gave them a weak smile which they returned. They knew this day was nerve-wracking for her, heck it was nerve-wracking for everyone. They didn't know what they would do if Matthew was found not guilty.

No, they couldn't find him guilty...

...could they?

Sara tried to shake the thought out her mind. No, he would be found guilty. He had to. She kept her fingers crossed and gave Josh's hand a tight squeeze which he returned whenever she felt she needed some reassurance.

A door opened in the courtroom and the familiar figure of the female judge from before walked into the room. She went straight to her stand and took a seat, brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face as she sat down. She cleared her throat and took a sip of water from a glass in front of her and set it back down. She took her sweet time getting to what everyone was waiting for.

_Come on, come on..._ Sara thought. _Your makeup looks fine, just get on with it..._

The judge finally cleared her throat once more and looked around the room. Her gaze moved from Matthew and his lawyer to Sara and her lawyer to finally the jurors in the room. She let out a deep sigh before she spoke.

"People of the jury, have you reached a verdict?"

A single juror stood up. He was a short man wearing a white button-up dress shirt and a red tie. He was going bald and he had big black glasses. "We have, your Honor."

This was it.

The man slowly ripped at the envelope, as if purposely postponing the final results of this fierce, tense trial. Sara was shaking a bit, biting the inside of her lower lip. Josh, still standing behind her, squeezed her hand so tightly his knuckles were turning white.

"We find the defendant, Matthew Dillan..."

Sara closed her eyes, breaths quickening as Josh had now put both hands on her shoulders.

"...Guilty of statutory rape."

Sara sighed in relief as she turned around and Josh caught her in a hug. He rubbed her back softly as tears ran down her face.

"Shh...shh, it's okay, Sara, it's all over now."

Sara just nodded and Ted and Nancy put a hand on her shoulder. To her left Matthew and his lawyer were exchanging glances with one another.

"Your Honor--" Matthew's lawyer started.

"Very well. Matthew Dillan, I hereby sentence you to four years in a juvenile detention center," the judge spoke and pounded the gammel. Matthew looked at his lawyer, looking angry and surprised at the same time.

"What the hell? I thought you said we had this case!" Matthew yelled to his lawyer.

The blonde woman was finally showing her true colors and she looked just as shocked and horrified as he did. "I know! I didn't--"

"No excuses!" Matthew yelled. Sara was watching this from the other corner of the room. It looked as though Matthew would've lunged at anyone who dared make eye contact with him if he was given the chance.

The lawyer and Matthew went back-and-forth for what seemed like minutes after the sentence until a security guard finally walked over to him and grabbed his right arm. "Please come with me.."

Matthew shook his arm out of his grasp. "I'm not going anywhere!" He looked around the room, his eyes racing, until he finally saw Sara. His eyes narrowed and his hands were balled into fists. "I'm going to get you, bitch!" he yelled pushing past his lawyer. The blonde blinked and watched in horror as her client made his way across the room to the other counsel table. Sara's lawyer had stood up and turned to face Matthew now, holding a thick file in his hands. His eyes widened when he saw Matthew coming towards him. Matthew quickly shoved him out of the way and lunged at Sara.

Before he could reach her, another security guard had jumped in front of her. Matthew slammed into him and the guard grabbed both of his arms. Matthew thrashed against the security guard as another made its way to them and helped the other guard get him away from Sara.

"YOU BITCH! YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BITCH!" Matthew yelled at the top of his lungs as the guards literally dragged him out of the room. "YOU FU-" And then the door slammed and the three figures disappeared behind the door. The room grew silent, everyone staring at each other, each wondering the same thing- what the hell had just happened?

Josh looked around at everyone- the blonde lawyer was now sitting on the ground, her tiny black glasses crooked on her nose and a loose strand of hair now lying in front of her face. Sara's lawyer was almost lying on the table from the force of Matthew's shove and he looked around at everyone as he got back firmly onto the ground. Finally, Josh turned to Sara. She was sitting down on the floor holding herself, her face buried in her knees. He slowly kneeled down beside her.

"Sara?" he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. He got no answer, she remained still and quiet. "Sara?" he asked again, shaking her a little. He still got no answer. "Sara," he said, raising his voice a little. Finally Sara's head popped up and she slowly turned to face him, tears running down her cheeks. "Sara..." Josh said.

"I..is he gone?" Sara whispered.

Josh wrapped and arm around her, sitting down next to her. "Yeah, he's gone."

"Good..." Sara whispered, burying herself in his arms. "The creep..."

"It's okay, it's over now, Sara. Everything's going to be fine."

Sara tried her best to believe him. She knew it wasn't over for her, yet. She would never forget the day it all happened- that was a sure fact. But...maybe...maybe now she could try her best to finally move on. Try her best to move on and not let this rule her life. She got through it- she was alive.

She had survived. Maybe she was stronger than she thought she was.

"Can I just go home?" Sara asked, looking up at Josh, Ted, and Nancy.

"Of course, Sara," Nancy said. She turned to Ted. "Ted, go get the car."

Ted nodded and walked off after putting a kind hand on Sara's shoulder. Sara finally stood up and looked around the room again before turning back to Josh. Frankie and George walked up behind him and each put a hand on his shoulder. "How are you doing now, Sara?" Josh asked.

Sara wiped the tears away from her face, she shot him a smile. "Good..." Her smile slowly grew bigger. "Good." She turned to Nancy when they all heard a car horn honk from outside. "Let's go home," she said with a toothy grin and they all walked out of the building.

She was strong.

She had survived.

**A/N: I hope I didn't disappoint anyone! After this chapter, I think I'm going to go into college years :)**


	34. January 12, 1990 College Dormroom

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: The college years! Yay!**

**College Dormroom- 4:30 pm- January 12, 1990**

The room was lit by the evening sun shining through the white blinds on the the single window of the room. There were two twin beds in the room- one near the window and another closer to the door and the tiny bathroom in the small room. The floor was littered with empty chip bags and soda cans the inhabitants of this room had gotten over the months, serving as their lunches or dinners, sometimes even both.

At the moment, the only person in the room was a tall brunette, sitting indian-style on the twin bed near the door of the room. On the bed in front of her was a book she needed for an assignment. She always had her head buried in books, she wasn't like her roommate, living the life of a party. She didn't enjoy parties that much. She'd rather sit in the quietness of her dormroom with a good book reading on a weekend instead of dancing until she dropped, pouring gallons of alcohol down her throat until she finally collapsed and was carried back to her room.

The brunette looked up at the window in the room, squinting at the light coming in. She moved a strand of hair away from her face and got up from her bed, walking over to the window. Walking over to the messier side of the room, aka her roommate's side of the room, and almost tripping over something lying on the floor, she climbed on their bed in order to get a better look out of the window. She squinted a bit, trying to be able to get a better glimpse of everything. The campus was humungus, and truly gorgeous, but sometimes she wished it wasn't so big so that everyone could get around better without getting lost or distracted by the beautiful scenery.

After looking out the window for a long moment, she sighed and walked back over to her bed, jumping on it, landing on her knees, and smiled as she looked at the wall above her bed where she had various snapshots and other things taped. They brought back a lot of memories, some painful and some cheerful.

She looked at one photo in particular- it was taken on a sunny day. In the picture, standing tall in blue sneakers and jeans and a red t-shirt was her childhood friend Josh. He held both hands up in a thumbs-up sign and had a wide smile on her face. His eyes were covered with black sunglasses, and she smiled, remembering how excited he had been about getting those sunglasses.

Absentmindidly looking down at her wrist, she spotted the beaded bracelet he had given her so many years ago. She smiled, running her fingers over the beads and the deep but smooth carvings on each individual bead. She looked back up at the photos, smiling as she spotted another one.

Her foster parents. Ted was standing with an arm wrapped around Nancy and his familar chocolate cooki-dough ice cream pint in his hand. Nancy was leaning against Ted with a smile on her face and making a peace-sign with her other hand.

Sara turned and saw a lined piece of paper she had taped up as well. She smiled, pulling it off the wall for a moment and unfolding it. She giggled a little as she read what it said.

_"Anyone gives you trouble and I kick their asses. I don't care if you're in Boston, I'll find some way to get over there! Anyways...have a great time. I know you'll become a great forensic scientist. I remember that Christmas I gave you that crime-scene kit. Your face lit up the second you saw that. You were always excited about learning something knew, and the life of a forensic scientist is for you. You have to see every case as a puzzle that's missing pieces. You get to put them together!_

_Maybe some day I'll see you in court. CSI Sidle, damn, that has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Can't you just see it- the judge sitting at his stand, me sitting at the counsel table with my client and you sitting at the lectern presenting the forensic evidence...that'd be awesome._

_Sara, you were always like a little sister to me. I guess you know that though, don't you? I apologize for everything that ever happened to you in the past that caused you heartache. You deserved better and you do now. You're finally pursuing your dream and going to Harvard (even though you used the two thousand dollars Ted and Nancy gave you for plane and ticket fair...I told you that you should've gone with that electric guitar, damn, it was beautiful...). _

_Anyways, I'm proud of you. Damn, I sound like a mother now, don't I? Oh well, I don't care, I'm so proud of you, Sara. You're a strong person and I know you'll do great in life. Thank you for being my friend all those years and for putting up with George and Frankie (Frankie is standing over my shoulder as I write this, go figure...), I'm surprised you didn't rip your hair out having to listen to them all the time!_

_So...what am I going to do now? I'm off to college to get a degree and then I'm off to law school. Sure, this is going to take a few years, but if George did it, I can do it (and don't tell him I told you that because he'll smack me if he finds out I did...)._

_Looking forward to seeing you in court!_

_Love, _

_'Joshie' Deckard_

Sara willed the tears away from her eyes. She would not let them fall. Not this time. She had cried every time she read that letter from Josh. He was a great friend, it had been so hard for her to leave him, they had both cried when they had that final embrace before she boarded her plane.

Sara smiled a little, wiping the tears away from her eyes, taping the letter back up on the wall. She smiled at the picture of Josh one more time before looking back down at the bracelet on her wrist. She remembered him telling her that he was always with her, and it was true.

Sara laid down on her bed, closing her text book and closing her eyes for a moment. She had no idea how she made it this far in life without cracking. Being able to deal with her mother and father's heated arguments for so many years without telling anyone about it. Being able to deal with her mother brutally stabbing her father to death without snapping. Being able to deal with going into foster care without ripping her hair out. And being able to deal with her own rape without finally losing it.

And here she was now, a way stronger person that she had been before, in her dormroom at Harvard, contemplating on whether or not she should hit the vending machine in the hallway and grab a candy bar or something to serve as dinner before going back to studying for the exam she had the next day. She rolled over on her side, burying her face in her pillow. She sighed deeply, wishing she could just sleep for the rest of the night, but she knew she had to study for the exam.

Sitting up with a sigh, Sara opened her mouth wide with a yawn and rose her arms up high above her head, stretching. She stood up, slipping her shoes on, about to go outside of the dormroom when the door flew open and in walked her roommate.

Her roommate, a black-haired girl slightly shorter than Sara. She was a true partier, coming into the dormroom late at night, drunk, only to collapse on her bed seconds after walking through the door. She had shiny blue eyes that stood out more than anything on her face. She had fairly short legs, though they were firm and strong. She was a tiny girl, with not much meat on her bones, though a more considerable amount than Sara, that was for sure.

At the moment, her roommate was standing in the doorway in front of Sara holding a beer bottle in her hand. "What is this?" Sara asked, pointing to the beer bottle. "You're 18," she told her.

"Yeah," she said with a smile. "Some seniors brought some on campus...but don't let anyone catch you with it, here," she said, pulling another bottle out of seemingly nowhere and handing it to Sara.

"I'm not drinking!" Sara told her, handing the bottle back to her. "And you shouldn't be either, you know that we have that exam tomorrow."

"Lighten _up_, Sara!" the girl said with a laugh. "Gosh! All you ever talk about is exams! Haven't you ever gone to a college party before?"

Sara looked down at the floor for a moment. "Well...no," she said. "But I don't like parties."

"Oh, come on!" the girl said. "They're fun!"

"I don't want to go, Cassie!" Sara told her.

"Oh, for god's sake, you're going out tonight!" Cassie said, grabbing the brunette by her arm and pulling her out of the dormroom by her arm, slamming the door behind her and locking it.

"What if someone comes by...?" Sara asked.

"That's what messages are for," Cassie said, pointing to the small package of sticky notes attached to the door with a pen next to them. "Alright, let's go!" Cassie said, running down the hall, dragging Sara along with her.

"Cassie! Let go of me!" Sara yelled.

Cassie heard her but didn't let go of her arm. She was having too much fun. She had wanted for so long to get Sara away from the campus for just one night and tonight was the night. "You're going to have fun whether you want to or not!" Cassie said with a giggle as they rounded a corner.

So much for studying.


	35. College Dorm Hallway January 12, 1990

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: I am so sorry for not putting a chapter up earlier, I had writer's block! I hope you guys enjoy this new chapter and thank you all for reviewing!**

**College Dormroom Hallway- 4:57 pm- January 12, 1990**

Sara groaned as Cassie led her down the hallways of her dorm building. Passing door after door, she looked around, her vision blurred as she was jerked around another corner. "Cassie, where exactly are we going?" Sara asked. It certainly would help if she actually knew _where_ they were going.

"Somewhere," Cassie said. "You're going to have fun tonight. You've got to get out of this place, it's turning you into some isolated--"

"Whoa, hang on a second, I am just dedicated to my schoolwork and want--"

"This is what I'm talking about!" Cassie yelled, jerking them both to a stop. Turning to Sara and putting both hands on her shoulders, she looked into her eyes. "Sara...have you ever been to a party since you've come to college?"

Sara blinked. This made her think for a minute. No, actually, she hadn't been to a party since she had come to college, actually, the last party she went to was the Christmas dinner with Josh. Sara, still did not really want to answer the question. "Um..." Finally, she sighed, lowering her head and staring at the floor. "No..."

"Alright, then!" Cassie said, patting her on the shoulders. "Tonight you are!" she said, grabbing Sara's hand and leading her out of the building. Sara groaned again. She did not want to go to a party, mainly because she did not like to interact with the other students unless she was in one of her classes. The thought of interacting with them actually scared her a little bit- what would she say? What if they too resented her like the other kids had when she was in elementary and middle school? And on top of that, Sara wasn't even really sure _how_ to interact with them.

Cassie ran outside with Sara, looking around, stepping on her tip-toes to give her a boost. She smiled, looking over at Sara. "Guess what Sara?" she asked.

Sara held her breath. _The seniors' car broke down?_ she thought hopefully.

"The seniors just came back and they're inviting us to their party!" she said with a big cheeky grin. Sara couldn't help but feel like she had just been punched in the gut. Her smile slowly faded as Cassie finished that sentence and found herself being pulled along by her arm again and into the parking lot.

"W-Wait, Cassie!" Sara pleaded. "I really don't want to go! You just go, you'll have a good time! I just want to stay in tonight and get some rest!" she said as they came closer to the car.

"Not tonight, Sara! You need to lift your head out of those books every once and a while!" she told her. She pulled her around a tree and a few bushes and they found their chaufeurs. One of them was a tall boy, wearing black sunglasses and standing on top of the seats of the rusty old convertible. Pulling a pack of cigarettes from the back of his black jeans, he turned and looked over at Cassie and Sara, smiling at them as he slid a cigarette in his mouth.

"Hey ladies!" he said with a smile. He seemed quite flirtatious right off the bat, which was saying a lot. You should never judge a book by its cover, but right away he seemed like quite the charmer. "Dude, where's the lighter?" he asked, looking back down at one of the other guys in the car. In seconds he had a lit cigarette in his mouth and climbed over the seats, jumping onto the pavement and taking a drag from his cigarette. "So you two are going to join us?" he asked with a smile, holding the cigarette between his fingers and looking at both Cassie and Sara.

"We were thinking about it," Cassie said with a smile.

"No..._she_ was thinking about it.." Sara muttered under her breath.

Cassie heard this, and cleared her throat, getting a death grip on Sara's right arm. "So, you guys got room for us?" she asked with a smile.

The guy smiled, revealing his pearly white teeth. "Of course we've got room," he said. "Jump on in," he told them both, motioning toward the car. He jumped in himself, getting in the front seat next to the driver. The driver of the car was a guy with dark red hair, also wearing dark sunglasses. Looking over at Sara and Cassie, he smiled, his jaw moving up and down as he chewed the gum in his mouth.

"Come on in!" he told them, one arm resting over the back of his seat.

Cassie pulled them over to the car and Sara just smiled nervously as she was forcefully pushed into the back of the seat. Cassie got in after her and closed the door, throwing her arms over the back of the passenger's seat. She started talking with the two guys, and Sara just watched the three interact. Cassie barely knew these guys and here she was chatting away with them like they were old friends. Sara did not trust people that easily, especially older guys, not after her experience...how was she able to tell by just looking at them that they were trustworthy? How did she know that they weren't going to do what Matthew did to her? Take advantage of her and use her as some tool for their amusement?

Cassie nudged Sara, bringing her out of her thoughts. "This is my friend Sara," she said with a smile. Sara looked over at the two older guys, shooting them a weak smile. It seemed the three of them had already met and it was her turn to introduce herself, though at the moment she didn't feel like an introduction.

"Hi.." Sara said quietly.

"Hey," the guy from before with the cigarette in his mouth said. "My name's Jeff," he told her. "And this guy here," he said, pointing to the driver. "Is Todd, but," he said, leaning over the seat and getting closer to the pair. "Bare with him because he's a little slow," he whispered.

"Shut up!" Todd yelled, whacking him in the back of the head. Jeff laughed, getting back into his seat. "Alright, buckle up everyone, so we don't get a ticket," he said, starting the car.

Jeff laughed again. "Ticket? Are you serious?" he said. Todd whacked him in the back of the head again as Jeff just laughed. Sara grabbed her seatbelt and buckled herself in, wondering for a moment if she was actually the only person in the vehicle who was going to be buckled in properly.

Jeff, turning to look at Cassie and Sara, moved a strand of his rather-long brown hair away from his face and held his torn pack of cigarettes up to them. "Smoke?" he asked.

"Thanks," Cassie said, taking a cigarette from the pack. Sara just shook her head quickly. "Got a light?" Cassie asked. Jeff nodded, taking a lighter from off the dashboard and tossing it to her.

_Fire hazard. Being tossed around in the air like a toy. Fun, _Sara thought to herself. She watched as Cassie put a hand in front of her face, covering the cigarette as she flicked the lighter with her finger. After a few moments, the cigarette was lit and she took a long drag, letting the smoke out of her mouth and holding it between her fingers like she was a pro at this, as if she had been doing it her whole life. And, Sara guessed, she probably had, too.

Sara watched as they drove around for a few minutes. She wondered where they were going, they had certainly travelled far away from the campus by now, and she wasn't feeling particularly comfortable being with two complete strangers and her roommate who had forced her to go wherever it was they were going. Finally, the car came to a stop in front of a house. There were some other cars parked around the building, Sara observed, which meant more people inside. Whoopee.

"Sara, come on!" Cassie said, throwing her door open.

"I'll just stay in the car.." Sara said quietly, looking down at the floor and finding the label on the empty beer bottle lying next to her seemingly fascinating.

Cassie rolled her eyes and slammed her door behind her as she walked around the car. Sara, still looking at the floor, thought for a moment that she was home-free. That she was actually going to be able to stay in the car. That thought was thrown out of her mind as Cassie threw her door open, unbuckled her, and pulled her out of the car by the loose ends of her shirt.

"Hey!" Sara said, balancing herself as she was jerked out of the car. Cassie slammed the door behind her and grabbed her hand, leading her inside the building. They walked through the doorway and the door was closed behind them as they entered. There was music playing, much too loudly for Sara's liking, and the house was swarmed with people. Sara could barely see anything- there was so much cigarette smoke, which also made it hard to breathe.

"Sit here," Cassie told Sara, leading her to a couch. Sara sat down on the couch obediently, folding her hands over one another and crossing her legs. Even at a college party she was still showing her manners. She watched as Cassie disappeared behind a corner and came back with two bottles of beer in her hand. Throwing one to Sara, she blinked as she caught it and Cassie ran and sat down next to her.

"I don't drink.." Sara said, slowly running her fingers over the bottle.

"Oh for god's sake, Sara!" Cassie said. "Loosen up and have a little fun. You can't tell me you've never had a beer before?"

Sara was hesitant. Her mouth opened in mid-sentence, but somehow she did not feel like telling her roommate that the first time she had alcohol was when she was 12, and her father had forced the bottles down her throat.

"That's what I thought," Cassie said. "Now come on! Let's drink!" she said, throwing the cap off of her bottle. Sara stared at her and watched as she gulped down half of the beer in seconds. Cassie looked at her. "What? Can you not get the cap off?" she asked. She snatched the bottle from her hands and took the cap off with ease, handing the bottle back to her. "Go ahead," she told her.

Sara looked up at Cassie and then down at the bottle. This single bottle brought back so many memories...memories of her parents, memories of her childhood. She just stared at it for a moment, as though she could see ever moment of her past through the clear liquid in the bottle. Cassie finally had left her alone with her thoughts and gotten up and walked around the house to do something else, and Sara sighed in relief, setting the bottle down on the end table next to her.

"Hey," came Jeff's voice as he plopped down on the couch next to Sara. "Having fun?" he asked, throwing his pack of cigarettes down on the table in front of them and holding his beer in his hand, resting it against his knee.

Sara shot him a small smile. "...Yeah," she said, but to even her this sounded lame and unconvincing. Sara tried to move further away from Jeff on the couch, she didn't feel any more comfortable than she did in the car.

"That's good," Jeff said. "Hey, I've got to do something, I'll see you around," he said with a smile and got off of the couch, walking off with the beer bottle still in his hand. Sara let out a long sigh, lowering her head and wrapping her arms around herself. It was going to be a long night. A long night of insecurities and discomfort.


	36. Living Room of Unknown House 6:34 pm

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys:)**

**Living Room of Unknown House- 6:34 pm- January 12, 1990**

Sara sighed deeply to herself, sitting on the black couch indian-style, one of her knees bouncing back and forth. With her hands resting in her lap, she kept her eyes fixed on the floor in front of her, trying to ignore the drunk people stumbling past her and the overwhelming smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke. Sara knew these smells all-too well from her childhood- the smell of alcohol from her parents and the cigarette smoke from the hookers her father used to bring home to his wife and daughter.

Sara wrapped her arms around herself tightly. She was not going to do this. Not here, not now. She was a big girl now, she would make it through this. She was not going to let those memories come back now to haunt her, wasn't that what sleep was for? Now was not the time to think about her drunk father coming home reeking of rum and whiskey. Now was not the time to think of that night her mother finally stood up to him. And now was definetly not the time to think about Matthew...no, it was _really_ not the time for that line of thinking.

Flinching a little when she came back to reality, she took a deep breath to try and compose herself. She needed to calm down, or she was going to have a panic attack right in front of all these people. She was going to show them all how emotionally unstable she was, and she was not about to let that happen. She was not going to reveal that to the entire world, because not only would they learn that, but they would learn about her past, and that was something she could not afford to let happen.

She closed her eyes, lowering her head. _Happy thoughts,_ she told herself. _Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts. Think of that bunny from that sticker you got at school that time...no! No, too close to home. Alright...think...of that little dancing green dinosaur from that televison show at the hospital with Jos-- no! No, quit thinking about the past! _

Sara tried her best to get those thoughts out of her mind, but the more she tried, the more the thoughts came flooding back. She lifted her knees up to her chest as they all came back to her, shutting her eyes tightly and wrapping her arms around her knees. Finally opening her eyes and taking in her surroundings again, she looked at the open beer bottle to her right.

She slowly reached for it and took it in her hand. She stared down at the bottle, her eyes running up and down the mouth and the bottom of it. So this was what her mother and father used to look at all the time, huh? This tiny brown bottle was their release, their comfort, what they used to temporarily seperate themselves from reality.

Sara ran her fingers over the bottle. This bottle took their pain away...took them away from what was right in front of them, from what was ailing them. This small bottle could take the painful memories of her past that were resurfacing in front of her. It was practically screaming at her to drink it, calling her name.

Sara slowly looked back and forth, as if to check to make sure no one was watching her. Everyone else was off doing their own things and she slowly turned back to the bottle. Holding it in one hand, she raised the nose of the bottle to her lips. She hesitated. Should she really do this? Should she really try this form of release, choose to do this to take those bad memories away? She made her decision when she saw Matthew's face flash back into her mind and shoved the bottle between her lips, the liquid entering her mouth.

One sip to clear her mind. Two sips to forget her father. Three sips to remove the pain of his fists against her skin. Four sips to forget her last birthday with her parents. Five sips to forget going into foster care. Six sips to forget her therapy session.

Sara threw the beer bottle down as it was finished and reached for another in a cooler in front of her. Throwing the cap off, she shoved it into her mouth, starting the sequence once again.

Seven sips to forget school. Eight sips to forget Josh trying to move away. Nine sips to forget Matthew's face.

At this point, things started getting cloudy. Closing her eyes, Sara wondered if this was enough. Enough to forget. She decided it wasn't. It was not enough, she could still think...she could still hear their voices, see their faces, feel his hands on her...god she could still feel his filthy hands on her body.

Throwing the bottle to the floor, she quickly opened another bottle and gulped it down as quickly as she could. She continued this for about a minute or two until she couldn't drink anymore. She let out a deep sigh, falling back against the couch and closing her eyes. Everything was muted out. She couldn't feel the present, she couldn't feel the past. And that was the way she wanted it.

When she woke up from her drunken slumber, she opened her eyes to try and figure out where she was. She sat up slowly, only to put a hand on her head to try and control the pounding in her head. Groaning quietly, she leaned against a wall only to feel a jerk in her stomach. Jumping to her feet and running to the room next to her, she was surprised to see a toilet and sink; it was a bathroom. She fell to her knees in front of the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach. She didn't know how long she continued to retch. She stood up and turned on the light of the bathroom. She was in her dorm, how she got there she did not know.

She turned the faucets of the sink on and cupped her hands together. Throwing water onto her face, she grabbed a towel and wiped the water away from her face. She set the towel down on the counter and walked out of the bathroom. Swaying, she held her arm out and leaned against the wall near her bed to keep herself from falling. After steadying herself, she collapsed on her bed, breathing heavily. Now she was drained. She couldn't remember what happened that night, she could've ran through the entire campus naked and she didn't know it.

Closing her eyes, she fell into a deep sleep, her head resting at the foot of the bed.


	37. January 13, 1990 College Dorm Room

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: Thank you guys for the reviews! Again, I'm sorry it took so long to put up a chapter. Stupid writer's block!**

**Living Room of Unknown House- 6:34 pm- January 12, 1990**

When Sara awoke that morning for the second time, she was completely and utterly confused. Where was she? How did she get wherever it is that she was? What had happened? And what was causing the dizziness and nausea that she was experiencing at the moment? Actually, why couldn't she remember anything at all in the first place?

Sitting up, her mouth opened wide with a yawn and she covered her mouth slowly as she woke up. Looking around the room she was in, she saw two beds- one she had been lying on and another to the far corner of the room, which was messy and un-made. From looking around the room, she noticed pictures of her and her foster parents, Josh, the letter he had written her, and then around the rest of the room were old band posters. Now she knew where she was.

She was in her dorm room.

Now all she had to find out was how she got here and what had happened the night before that made her so oblivious to everything around her. Getting to her feet, she swayed slightly and caught herself as she began to fall against the wall near the bathroom. Catching herself again on the sink, she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked terrible, she realized, as she took in her full appearance.

Her hair was an absolute mess. Her face was so pale she looked as though she'd seen a ghost, and under her eyelids lay some of the darkest circles she had ever seen. Her lips were almost as pale in color as her face was.

Licking her dry lips, she turned to her left to see the toilet. The nausea that was in her stomach was starting to grow stronger and stronger, and finally she jerked herself forward onto her knees and collapsed in front of the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach. Something seemed strangely familiar about this whole sequence, Sara realized when she finally finished. Had she done this earlier? Maybe she had...she didn't know at the moment, everything was just starting to come back to her, her mind was still a bit fuzzy...

Sara paused when she heard someone talking outside her dorm room. She knew that voice, it belonged to her roommate. She had certainly heard her voice enough to even be able to decipher it among a large group of people...

"See you guys later!" she could hear Cassie saying outside through the thin walls. "I'll talk to you guys later, I have to wake up my roommate," she told them as she searched for her key. After a few seconds of jumbling her keys around in her hands, Cassie found the correct key and slipped it inside the keyhole. When she turned it and the lock clicked, she walked inside only to discover her roommate no longer laying in bed. "Sara?" she asked, looking around.

"Right here.." Sara said quietly, still propping herself up by the wall, looking up at her as she breathed heavily from retching. Her roommate looked as though she had been up for a while- she was wearing jeans a t-shirt and had on a black knitted cap. In her mouth she held a candy bar still in its wrapping, and in her hand she had a can of soda.

"It's about time you woke up," Cassie told her with a small smile. "I was starting to get worried. I almost called the hospital or something."

Sara rolled her eyes. "Glad to know you were so concerned. I suppose that's why you left?" she said sarcastically.

Cassie just shrugged and walked over to her own bed, jumping on her knees and opening her soda. After taking a long sip, she set it on the window-sill by her bed and opened her candy bar, taking a big bite. "You were really out. You really surprised me last night, you know that?" she asked as she chewed the candy in her mouth.

Sara blinked. "What?" she asked. "Last night? What about last night?" she said, walking over to her bed and sitting down, looking over at Cassie.

"Oh, that's right, you don't remember," Cassie said with a wink.

"I...really don't," Sara admitted.

"Oh..." Cassie said. And then she realized how she could use this situation to her advantage. A small smile formed across her face, her lips curling in a grin as an idea popped into her mind. "So...you really want to know?" she asked her, taking another bite of her candy bar.

"Yes, just tell me," Sara said, almost desperately.

"You slept with one of the seniors. I'm surprised no one else told you, I almost had to pry you away with him when we finally came back to the campus," she said with a laugh.

Sara felt her blood run cold. No...that didn't sound like her. That didn't sound like her at all. It sounded more like Cassie, actually, but Sara? No way. She wasn't that careless, she wasn't that stupid...although the thing with Matthew had made her reconsider that...but that wasn't the point. That was then, this was now, and she wasn't that careless anymore, she was careful. Very careful.

"..What?" was all Sara could manage to get out. What if...she was telling the truth?

Cassie burst out laughing, Sara was surprised the soda she was taking a sip of actually didn't spurt out of her nose. The entire room filled with the girl's laughter, and Sara only stared in confusion. What was so funny?

"Nah, no, no, I'm totally kidding," Cassie said with a laugh. "Oh god, but the look on your face was priceless! Girl, you should've seen your face when I said that, that was absolutely hysterical!" she said, bursting into another laughing fit.

Sara just lowered her head. Anyone would've normally found that funny...it was just a joke, afterall...but to Sara...it wasn't funny. At all. For a minute there, she really thought she was serious, and if she had been...Sara would've felt like a complete idiot, having done something so careless...again.

"That's not funny," Sara whispered, her hand clenching into a small fist. "What really happened, Cassie?" she asked a bit firmly.

"You collapsed in the middle of the room," Cassie told her, shrugging. "But you did really surprise me. You should have seen how many bottles you had around you!" Cassie exclaimed. Walking over to her, she rose her soda to her lips. "You're quite the little boozer!" Cassie told her before taking another sip of her soda, patting Sara on the back.

Sara's eyes widened. She...had drinken so much that she had passed out? That would certainly explain the vomitting and the nausea that was still lingering in her stomach, as well as the dizziness and disorientation (and lack of memory from what had happened the night before, Sara realized), but...would she really do something like that? Talk about being careless.

Cassie noticed the surprised look on her face. "Hey- don't look at me like that. I didn't force you to do anything. I was the one who got you back here, mind you," she said. "Just lookin' out for you, Roomy!" she told her, ruffling her hair and walking out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Sara was left to stare blankly at the wall in front of her as Cassie walked off. Cassie had no idea what she was talking about...she didn't know Sara all that much, she didn't know what had happened to her in foster care, or what had happened with her parents for that matter. She didn't know why Sara acted the way she acted. No one did.

And...now that Sara thought about it, she was utterly ashamed of herself. Now she was no better than her parents, really...she turned to the bottle as a last result. She drank so much she collapsed. Just so she could forget. Just so she could forget about those in life who had hurt her most and what they had done to hurt her, even if it only was temporary...and she had promised herself that she was never going to be that careless again. That she was never going to become her parents. And this was basically one more step further down that road.

The more Sara thought about it, the more and more she felt ashamed of herself. Embarassed that someone had seen her like that...scared, vulnerable...desperate. She had been so scared the night before, she didn't want to break down and lose it in front of all those people...they would have thought something was wrong with her. That she was insane...though she was pretty sure she had crossed the line of sanity long ago.

As she felt the warm tears form in her eyes, Sara fell down on her bed and let them fall down her face. Her body racked with sobs as she started to cry. She wrapped her arms around herself tightly as she brought her knees up to her chest and curled into a tight little ball. Shaking herself back and forth, she just cried. She let it all out, she felt so alone...and now, again, she felt no better than her parents...

What would become of her? Would she go back to the bottle again? Would she just become a hopeless alcoholic working on the street as a hooker or something to get money for...more alcohol? Would that be what would happen to her? She thought she was going to come to Harvard for a reason...to enrichen her education so that she could one day persue a career as a CSI...and not come to Harvard just to end up going to a college party with the seniors and getting so drunk that she collapsed.

Now that Sara thought about it, maybe a life on the streets wouldn't be so bad. She could even work at a strip club...there had sure been enough people in her lifetime that had wanted to take advantage of her body, she was sure she would make enough money to live off in that field. What would her stripper name be, she wondered?

And then Sara started laughing. Softly at first, and then louder and louder. More tears ran down her cheeks as she continued to laugh. How could she even think of doing that? Then she would not only be no better than her parents, but no better than the strippers her father brought home for kicks when she was a child. It was sad, she thought, that she was even considering this. That she could actually picture herself taking her clothes off and watching as men threw their money away just so they could fantacize about being with her.

It was pathetic.

And Sara...wasn't pathetic.

She wasn't going to throw her life away.

Not today.

She was going to persue her dreams.

She was going to bring honor to her family name for once in the history of her family's life.

And she was not going to become her parents.

Sitting up, Sara wiped the tears away from her face and dried her eyes. Walking into the bathroom, she tried her best to not sway back and forth as she leaned over the sink and threw some water onto her face. She dried her face and then looked up at herself in the mirror. Today was a new day. And she was not going to make a stupid mistake like that again.

Walking out of the bathroom, she grabbed her bag that held her notebooks and textbooks for her classes, and slid her jacket onto her shoulders. Zipping it up and throwing her bag over her shoulder, she looked at herself in the mirror of the bathroom one last time.

She wasn't pathetic. She was going to graduate and become a CSI. A damn good CSI at that, and she was not going to throw her life away...not like her mother and father. She was better than that.

Turning the doorknob of her dorm room, she walked out and closed the door behind her. Walking off, with her hands in her pockets, she found a small smile forming across her face.

It was a new day.


	38. Along Came a Spider

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: Thanks again to all who reviewed! Bugman makes his appearance in this chapter! I went on a website to learn more about tarantulas, and I was actually very surprised at what I found!**

**January 14, 1990- 9:18 am- Classroom**

Gilbert Grissom was a curious man. He had always been a very curious fellow, ever since he was a little boy. He used to go out in the front yard and purposely hunt down an anthill. Most other kids grabbed a magnifying glass and torched them; he instead lay sprawled out on the grass in front of the anthill resting his head in his hands, his arms propped up on his elbows. Gil had always had an undying love and interest in insects.

Perhaps that was why he became an entomologist.

At the moment he was sitting at a small wooden desk in an empty classroom at Harvard College. He had been travelling around conducting entomology seminars, and he had always wanted to come to Harvard. His temporary desk was surrounded by his little friends that each had six to eight legs, multiple eyes and hairy thoraxes. Looking down at his watch, he noted that he still had about twenty minutes until his seminar began, and he reached behind him and lifted up a clear plastic specimen container.

Setting it down on the desk, he opened the box and held his hand inside. The creature inside moved around, looking up at his hand. Slowly it crawled onto his fingers, its hairy legs tickling his hand as it maneuvered its way towards him. When it had finally crawled onto his hand, he pushed the container away and held his hand over the desk.

Watching it move around, Gil grabbed his mug of coffee and took a sip, his eyes fixed on the tarantula. Setting his mug down, he also put the tarantula down on the desk, watching as it crawled around. He wondered what the tarantula was thinking at the moment- it was probably wondering where it was and trying to get used to this new environment. It looked around at some of the pencils and pens layed out on the desk in interest before moving towards his mug of coffee.

"Eeeeew!"

Gil quickly looked up when a squeaky female voice filled the room. His tarantula quickly recoiled and moved toward his hand.

"It's a spider! Someone kill it!"

Gil just sighed as he lifted his tarantula into his hands and set him down in his specimen container. Looking over at the blonde-haired girl, he adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose. "It's a tarantula," he told her. "He's completely harmless. He's very gentle," he explained. "But he doesn't like loud noises, you frightened him," he said.

The girl just rolled her eyes, heading out of the classroom. Gil shrugged- everyone had their opinions. That girl obviously didn't know what entomology was. She probably thought it was some form of African voodoo, he figured. Leaving his tarantula on the desk, he watched as the classroom slowly filled up with more people, and he sat silently and still, waiting patiently for his chance to begin.

"Uggghh," Sara grumbled, heading down the hallway. She had been woken up much too early for her liking this morning, the alarm clock was sent to 4:30 instead of 6:15 (Cassie obviously didn't know how to set it). So after waking up almost two hours earlier than necessary and rushing to get ready only to discover she didn't have to leave for classes yet had put Sara Sidle in a very grumpy mood.

Adjusting her bag over her shoulder, she looked at door to door to make sure she wasn't passing the room she needed to go to. She had heard something about an entomology seminar and she decided she would attend. She had never known much about entomology, it would be a learning experience, she decided.

Heading over to the classroom, Sara's mouth opened wide with a big, tired yawn. Covering her mouth, she headed into the classroom. As she re-opened her eyes, she looked over at a man sitting at the front of the classroom. He looked to be in his late twenties, yet his hair was already becoming a salt-and-pepper gray. He had oval-rounded glasses positioned on the bridge of his nose, magnifying his baby blue eyes. Sara had to stop for a minute. His eyes were so blue...so very blue. A deep blue...like the sky, it was mesmerizing.

Sara's breath caught in her throat when she noticed his gaze had fallen on her. When they made eye contact she quickly looked away and headed toward the back of the classroom, trying to control the flush red color of her cheeks. She was blushing...why was she blushing? Heading to the back of the classroom, she took a seat and looked down at the floor, fidgeting shyly. Part of her didn't want to be in the back of the classroom...but another part of her told her to because...she didn't want to be that...dangerously close to this man.

Gil's gaze had fallen on a tall young brunette student that had walked through the door. She looked exhausted, he deducted. She kept yawning and when she finally opened her eyes, he got lost in gazing into her deep brown eyes. He just sat there for a moment, dumb-founded...there was something that seemed spell-binding about this moment. He couldn't tear his eyes away from this girl. She stopped and returned his gaze, he could tell her eyes were staring straight into his. And then finally she broke eye-contact and headed to the back of the classroom.

Gil watched as she stared down at the floor, fidgeting and squirming in her seat. She actually reminded him very much of himself when he was her age. He was a ghost. He didn't want to talk to people, they didn't want to talk to him. He wanted to get through school and fufil his life's worth, that was what he wanted, and this girl seemed to be the exact same way.

And...Gil had never been very interested in other people...but there was something about this brown-haired girl that fascinated him.

Finally the seminar started. Gil got up from his seat and stood in front of the white board, staring at everyone in the room, but his gaze really falling on that girl in the back of the room. "Hello.." he said, actually forgetting what he was supposed to be doing for a split second. Quickly snapping out of his trance, he spoke again. "My name is Gil Grissom, I'm an entomologist."

Sara watched this Gil Grissom man with interest.

"I have been travelling to all sorts of places- universities, high schools- to conduct entomology seminars."

Sara kept her gaze on him, her head resting in her hand, her elbow propping her arm up on the desk. For a minute she forgot what he was talking about and just watched his movements. He seemed a bit nervous...he had probably done this seminar and said these exact same words before, Sara thought, but he obviously didn't like to be in front of crowds.

Well, they had something in common, then.

"I actually have a specimen here on my desk," Gil said, looking down at the plastic specimen container holding his tarantula. "Tarantulas invoke many different emotions in people," he said, taking the lid off of the container. He watched as one girl towards the front of the class cringed. "Tarantulas, though harmless to humans, invoke fear in many," he said, holding his hand in the container. "Jeffrey, here," he said, taking him out of the container and holding him in his hands. "This species of tarantula is the Eurypelma californicum, the most common species of tarantulas found in North America, hence the name."

Sara watched as the dark brown tarantula crawled around in his hand. Sara had never been a spider person...she didn't like spiders, and even though tarantulas were harmless, she still got that feeling in the pit of her stomach when she saw any spider.

"There are more than 800 different species of tarantulas," Gil continued. "The colors of these creatures vary from brown, to a dark reddish brown, to black," he explained. "Yet there are many different species that have completely different colors. The Mexican Red-Legged Tarantula has bright-red markings on its legs," he said. "And the Cobalt Blue Tarantula has deep-blue colored legs."

Sara thought about this, trying to imagine one of the hairy spiders like the one he held in his hand, except different colors.

"A tarantula has eight eyes all-together, and they are all spaced very closely together," Gil said, moving his other hand up to allow the tarantula to crawl onto it.

Sara just watched as the tarantula crawled onto his other hand. He obviously knew Gil, she thought, because he seemed to trust him and know what to do. The tarantula did not seemed scared by him, and allowed Gil to talk without being disruptive. Actually, Gil was interrupted more times by annoying students in the classroom then his tarantula.

Finally the seminar was over and Gil sat back down at his desk, holding Jeffrey in his hands. Setting him down on the desk, Gil waited for all of the students to exit the classroom. When the students started leaving, his gaze fell on that one brown-haired girl sitting in the back of the classroom once again. She was getting up and putting her books in her bag, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. Gil watched her for a minute, just observing her movements. She ignored the other students in the room and headed straight to the door. He remembered that during the seminar when he looked over at her she looked absolutely mesmerized. She was deep in thought and quite focused. Gil had yet to discover such a student attending one of his seminars.

When there was about only three or four students left in the room, not including her, he spoke up. "Excuse me..?"

Sara quickly turned around, feeling her stomach drop as she heard his voice. He wasn't talking to her. He couldn't be talking to her...right? Turning around, she froze as his eyes immediately stared into hers. "..Yes?"

"...What's your name?" Gil asked. This was very unlike Mr. Gil Grissom. He had never been one to socialize, especially with a student at one of his seminars...but there was something that seemed to have possessed him at the moment and thus squeezed the words out of him.

"...Sidle..I mean Sara..I mean.." _Idiot. _"...Sidle is my last name...Sara is my first name..." _That went great._

"Well...Sara Sidle..." Gil started. "..Would you mind taking a seat?" he asked. _What are you doing, Gil?_

"...Sure.." Sara said, walking over to the desk and taking a seat in a chair she pulled up from a desk. Looking over at Jeffrey walking on the desk, she inhaled sharply, slowly recoiling away from the tarantula, but trying not to show her discomfort.

"He's harmless, don't worry.." Gil assured her, picking Jeffrey up. "He says hello..."

Sara smiled, watching the tarantula crawl around.

"Would you like to hold him?" Gil asked.

Sara blinked, slowly shaking her head. "N-No...thanks.." she told him. "It's...nothing personal, I just...don't like spiders."

Gil just nodded slowly. "...What if I helped you?" he asked. "...Come here for a minute.."

Sara blinked again, trying to register what he just said. He wasn't asking for her to do anything stressful or inconvenient, she just had to walk over to him...right? "Okay.." Sara said, slowly getting to her feet. Walking over to him, she stopped right in front of him.

"Okay..." Gil said. "Hold your hands out..."

Sara swallowed hard, but did as he asked and held her hands out. She grimaced as he brought Jeffrey over to her. "I'm just going to gently set him down in your hands," he told her. Sara just nodded. Gil slowly set Jeffrey down in Sara's hands. Sara grimaced once again as its hairy legs brushed against her skin, though it tickled at the same time and she smiled.

Gil's heart was pounding. He was simply handing Jeffrey over to this girl to hold for a moment, but there seemed to be something about this non-sensual gesture that was making his pulse race. "...There," he managed to find his voice again, handing Jeffrey over to her.

Sara watched as Jeffrey looked up at her. "...He's...very.." Sara looked for the right word. "...Calm."

"Isn't he?" Gil asked.

Sara just nodded slowly, watching Jeffrey closely. For about a minute Jeffrey danced a silent graceful dance in her hands until a sound erupted from the hallway of the building that shattered the moment into pieces.

A loud scream erupted from one of the senior boys in the hallway near the door. Someone had ran at him and tackled him to the ground as a joke and he screamed for added effect. He fell to the floor and they all started laughing, but Sara and Gil did not find this humorous.

...and nor did Jeffrey. Seconds after the scream erupted from the hallway, he recoiled, frightened. Out of his fear he did what he thought to do on instinct, and sunk his teeth into Sara's wrist, looking for an enemy.

"Ouch!" Sara said as soon as a wave of pain hit her.

Gil quickly looked down at her hands and saw Jeffrey biting her. Taking Jeffrey out of her hands, he set him back in his specimen container. "I'm sorry.." Gil sighed. "He's never done that before to anyone..." he said. "He must've gotten scared."

"It's okay.." Sara said, wincing involuntarily. She didn't want to make him feel bad, but...it was painful.

"Okay.." Gil sighed. "Let me see." Sara watched as Gil took her hand in his and lifted up her shirt sleeve to look at her wrist where the bite was. The simple gesture was sending jitters up her spine. "Okay.." he said. "I'm going to get some hot water," he told her. "Stay here, I'll be right back."

Sara just nodded, watching as he walked out of the room. Looking down at her wrist, she watched as blood was beginning to trail from the bite.

"Okay." Gil's voice made her jump. "I have some hot water," he told her, taking a seat again and setting the cup of hot water down on the desk. "I have some soap and antiseptics in my desk, I keep them on me all the time, just incase," he explained, reaching into one of the drawers to retreive the items. Grabbing a small cloth, he dipped it in the cup of hot water and took her wrist in his hands, gently rubbing the small puncture mark with the wetted cloth. "The hot water should ease the pain," he told her. "And then I'll wash it with soap and an antiseptic."

Sara nodded. He was right, there hot water was making it feel much better. When he removed the cloth she instantly missed the warmth of the cloth and his hands and he grabbed some soap, slowly rubbing it against the mark. "Sorry..." he apologized. "It probably stings."

Sara nodded. "Yeah...a little bit," she winced.

Gil apologized again before taking the antiseptic and dabbing it against the mark. "This is going to hurt even more.." he sighed.

Sara winced again, nodding, though by now she thought that she should be accustomed to pain. When he finished Gil looked up at her. "By any chance...have you gotten a tetanus shot recently?"

Sara blinked. "Yes..."

"Good," Gil said. "Then you're all set, though I reccomend letting the wound bleed freely."

Sara nodded, heading towards the door after grabbing her bag.

"Where are you going?" Grissom asked.

Sara blinked, turning around. "I.."

"You can leave, I just thought we'd...talk a little more." Gil really had no idea what the hell he was doing. This was certainly not like him.

"Oh, okay," Sara said, walking back over to him, a small smile creeking around her mouth as she took her seat once again.

"So where are you from?" Gil asked.

"I'm from California. Crazy valley girl with a dream," she smiled.

"And what is your dream?" Gil asked.

"I want to become a forensic scientist."

Gil started laughing, looking down at the floor. Sara was confused, she didn't know why he was laughing and she found it a bit insulting to say the least.

"I'm sorry..." Gil apologized. "I'm a forensic scientist myself. I work at the Vegas Crime Lab, I've been there for a few years, it's just a strange coincidence."

Sara smiled, getting a laugh out of it herself. "I see."

"So what made you want to become a forensic scientist?" Gil asked.

Sara was hesitant on her answer. She didn't know if she should mention all of the reasons for her wanting to become a forensic scientist. When she was younger the only reason was because she was fascinated. But as she got older there were more and more reasons, such as the fact that her childhood rapist was convicted with the help of strong forensic evidence found at the crime-scene. "I've always been fascinated by it," Sara finally said.

Gil just nodded. "I'm sure you'll make a great forensic scientist. You have wonderful focus, and a curious mind never hurts either."

This earned him a genuine smile from her as she again tried to control the flush red color that was taking over her cheeks. Looking away, she said, "And how do you know that?"

Gil was about to say that he had been watching her, but he thought that would sound freaky, even to him. He didn't want her to think he was some freaky stalker. "I saw you during the seminar...you're very focused when you're deep in thought." That sounded better than saying he was watching her, he decided.

Sara smiled. "Well, thank you...Mr. Grissom, was it?" she asked.

"Gil Grissom," he told her. "And it's been a pleasure, Ms. Sara Sidle, but I do believe I have to start packing up my things now. I have to leave for a plane later today to go back to Vegas," he explained, holding his hand out. "So I guess this is goodbye."

Sara smiled, taking his hand and gently shaking it. "I suppose it is."

"Maybe...we'll see eachother again some time," Gil said. "Maybe I'll hear about you in the papers or on TV." And then he laughed. "Who knows, maybe we'll even be working in the same building one day."

Sara smiled. "Maybe."

"Well...goodbye, Sara," Gil said.

Sara stopped in mid-step near the door and turned around, looking over at him with a big smile across her face. "Goodbye, Gil."

Gil nodded, smiling as she walked out of the room.

Sara stopped, walking into an empty classroom when she was far enough away from him. She wanted to giggle like a giddy schoolgirl, she didn't know why, she just wanted to. She had butterflies in her stomach, she wanted to jump and shout and dance around screaming. Instead, she composed herself and walked out of the room with the same big smile on her face before.


	39. March 31, 2000 Bubba's Street Diner

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: I am SO sorry for not updating in so long, guys! I just want you guys to know that I am not going to quit writing this fic; I love this fic, actually. I'm very proud of it, and the reason it takes me so long to write a new chapter is because I don't want to get stuck in the middle of a chapter and not know what to do, and I want to write it to the fullest of my abilities. Does that make sense? Probably not, oh well! This chapter is Sara in San Francisco the day Grissom calls her in :)**

**March 31, 2000- 6:14 pm- Bubba's Street Diner**

"Why are we eating here?" Sara asked, looking around the building. It looked…_relatively_ clean from what Sara could see, but…with a name like 'Bubba's Street Diner', Sara Sidle had envisioned a dirty old diner ran by two married truck-drivers who greeted their customers with chewing tobacco in their mouths and grease and oil stains on the same shirt they had worn for three days straight.

"Why does she always do this?" Quentin asked.

"Because she's nervous 'cause shift's gonna start in three hours," Jackie answered.

"Jesus, Sara, you've got to take your mind off of work every once and a while," Joe said, adding in his two cents.

"Hey!" Sara said. "Alright, first of all- I am not nervous about shift starting in three hours. Why would I be? Second of all- I do take my mind off of work; quite a bit actually."

Quentin laughed. "Jackie, she's right. She's never nervous about work; she's the best in her field."

Jackie held her hands up in the air in surrender. "Got me beat."

Joe looked over at Sara, small smile creeping around the corners of his mouth. "Aww, look, guys- we made Sara blush!"

"I am _not_ blushing, Joe!" Sara said, playfully hitting him in the arm.

"She is! Look- she's blushing, she really is!" Joe laughed.

"Joe, shut up, the waitress is here," Jackie snapped.

"…What can I get you four?" the waitress asked. Sara could sense that the woman thought they were all a little crazy.

"Ah yes, I will have the BACH," Joe said, handing her his menu.

"The hell is that!" Quentin asked.

"Big-Ass Cheeseburger," Joe answered with a grin.

Sara just laughed. "Very creative," she told Joe, handing the waitress her menu. "I'll have just a cup of coffee, thanks."

"You have to eat something, Sara!" Jackie insisted.

"I'm fine," Sara assured her. "I'm going through these files, anyways," she told her, motioning to the folders in front of her on the table. "Food would be too messy. I can always get something out of the machine or after shift."

"Alright…" Jackie mumbled. "Then I'm getting the teriyaki chicken burger," she told the waitress, also handing in her menu.

"And I will have the triple beef burger!" Quentin said, handing the woman his menu. She nodded and walked off.

"Man, that's three slices of beef on two buns," Joe told him.

"I'm well aware of that," Quentin said.

"No wonder you're getting fat!" Jackie laughed.

Quentin feigned a look of hurt. "Ouch, Jackie; Sara did you hear what she said to me?" he asked, looking over at Sara who was currently nose-deep in a file. When she didn't respond, he asked again. "Sara?" he said a little bit louder. He rolled his eyes when she still wasn't paying attention to him.

"She's nose-deep in a forensic journal, she's not coming back to Earth anytime soon," Jackie said with a smile, sipping her drink.

"Huh?" Sara asked, finally looking up. Sara had become very good at zoning-out. After all, she had practice when she was younger, when she went to college and even when she was at home.

"So _now_ she looks up!" Joe laughed.

"What? What's going on?" Sara asked, blinking.

"Nothing, don't worry about it," Quentin said.

"Alright," Sara shrugged, looking back down at the file.

Sara loved her job. She had finally become a crime-scene investigator, which was what she wanted to become all along. Most kids wanted to become a fireman when they were young, or a movie star. Not Sara. She wanted to become a forensic scientist; she remembered telling her grandparents that word-for-word when she was just a toddler.

But Sara didn't only love her job- she loved the people they worked with. Sure, they could drive her absolutely insane if she stayed in one room with them for too long, but they were always there for her. They were good friends, and they always kept her in a good mood (or when she wasn't in a good mood, put her in a better one). That was good enough for her, considering Sara hadn't always had a lot of friends.

After college, Sara traveled around a bit to find out exactly where she wanted to go. She eventually ended up back in California- home- and she decided San Francisco was a good place to start. She had always loved San Francisco, it had been one of her favorite places, ever since she was a little kid, and the thought of staying there and putting together the missing pieces of puzzles made her practically jump for joy.

After coming to San Francisco and getting her job, she had met up with her coworkers- Jackie Reesin, Joe Fice, and Quentin Flatts; three very different people from herself. Though they were playful by nature, none of their traits really rubbed off on Sara, though she did find herself becoming increasingly more relaxed with everyday she spent with the trio. Other than that, Sara was the same as ever- dedicated to her work, and damn good at it. Her coworkers knew where she stood among them all, though they knew she would deny every little bit of praise they gave her.

The first year of working in San Francisco was the hardest for Sara- that was for sure. To start the year off she threw up after her first autopsy (which surprised even Sara, she didn't think she was all that squeamish). Cases were difficult, which was understandable, given she was still new at this job…but some were harder more-so than others. She still remembered her first rape case- oh, how it haunted her. Sara had always known that she would be around all these sorts of things all the time with the kind of job she had, even before she started the job, but…she wasn't sure if her mind had fully registered that- until the day came where she finally had to.

February 16, 1995. That was the fateful day where she came into work and her supervisor informed her she had a four-nineteen; he never mentioned the part about the woman who had been sexually assaulted by the victim beforehand. So she had put away her things in her locker and gathered up her kit, walking out to her car and getting inside with thoughts of just another homicide. Boy was she wrong.

She still remembered the woman's face- pale except for a mottle of black and purple under her right eye and around her mouth above her chin, terrified- horrified- blue eyes. The woman's blonde hair was an absolute mess and she had been shaking like a Chihuahua when Sara had arrived at the scene and had seen her sitting in the back of an ambulance.

Sara had tried to process as best she could, but as she processed the scene and listened to the woman's story that she had told the detective on the case, she found herself in the victim's shoes; both victims. In this case it was obvious there was no motive- the guy was going to kill her if she didn't kill him; purely self-defense. But that didn't mean the case was over…at least for that poor woman it wasn't, Sara knew. She was going to have to go to court and testify…be put on the stand and be looked at jurors like some sort of caged animal. She was going to have to describe the details of her rape in words.

And Sara knew what that was like.

But Sara knew that every CSI had to deal with cases like that, she knew she would probably have to deal with a lot more of them. But…why…did they have to bring up memories…? _Bad _memories…? Of _him_…?

Well, most people who go through things like she did probably didn't go into law enforcement, where they knew they would see things like this everyday; where they knew they would see people everyday on the worst day of their lives, she figured.

But Sara wanted to help people; she wanted to help those who couldn't speak for themselves. And another victim was never just _another victim_. They meant so much more. They could tell Sara what happened at a crime-scene. They could've been a hero; they could've saved someone else's life. They had a name; they weren't just Vic # 1 or Vic # 2.

The sound of Sara's pager going off interrupted her thoughts. Looking up from her file, she looked around to see that everyone else at the table was finished with their food and was on their third or fourth soda.

Picking up her pager- the tiny black mechanical beeping box of which its beeping noise could be both a blessing and curse on several different occasions- a small smile formed on her lips as she read what it said.

"What's up?" Jackie asked.

"Four-nineteen," Sara said with a small smile.

"Why is she always so excited?" Joe asked with a small laugh.

"Because she likes her job," Quentin answered.

Sara smiled, not really even listening to them as she slid out of the booth they were sitting at. "Would anyone like to join me?"

"Ah, I guess…" Joe said. "I've got nothing else to do."

"Alright, I'm in," Jackie said.

"Then me, too," Quentin said. "Looks like shift started a little early tonight, eh Sara?" he asked.

Sara just nodded, putting some money on the table and walking off. For Sara at this moment the beeping of her pager had been very much indeed a gift from God. It wasn't that Sara liked crime; she liked helping people and catching bad guys. The file she was reading was actually becoming rather dull- and Jackie, Joe, and Quentin's antics could only be considered funny for so long before she lost her mind.

She felt like merrily skipping to her car, but she thought that might've been going a bit overboard.

Maybe just a bit.

Sara got in her car and beat everyone else to the crime-scene; she must've been going 10-20 miles above the speed limit in her haste. The second she arrived at the crime-scene she had her kit in-hand, ready to go (the detective thought she actually might jump out of the moving vehicle, she looked so anxious). After parking and walking rather quickly up to the scene, ducking under the tape, she looked over at the detective with a smile on her face.

"You look happy, Sidle," the detective commented.

"A new case always gets the adrenaline pumping, Detective Silkwood," she said with a small smile. "I like catching bad guys."

"Alright, well…body's over there," he said, pointing ahead of him. "Some guy passing by on his bike called it in."

"Have the coroners come yet?" Sara asked.

"Not yet, they're on their way," he answered.

Sara nodded and walked over to the body, kneeling down beside it. It was limp, but yet again, what dead corpse weren't these days? The victim looked to be a young woman of about 20, from what Sara could see, and this person was laying face-down on the pavement. Something looked a bit strange, though- there was no puddle of blood, no tire treads, no shell casings…

Sara put her kit down and walked around to the other side of the body. Careful not to touch it, she must've looked like a tiger about to pounce on its prey, crawling around on all fours with her upper body practically lying on the ground to get a better look. Sara crawled over to the body and looked at the face. For a second her mind didn't fully register what she was looking at it, but when it did she just started laughing.

"What's so funny?" Hugh, a member from the county coroner's office asked as he walked over to Sara with his equipment in his arms.

"Don't bother checking for liver temp, Hugh," Sara said, trying not to start laughing again.

"Oh? Why is that?" Hugh asked.

"This isn't a real body," Sara answered with a grin, looking down at the figure lying on the ground.

Hugh looked at her strange. "Don't fool with me, Sara. If it's not a real body than what is it?"

Sara rolled her eyes and tipped it over with her foot. The second Hugh saw it he dropped his kit on the ground. Sara just started to laugh even harder.

"Oh my god!" came Jackie's voice as she sprinted over. "What's going on? Sara never laughs at crime-scenes, so she's on drugs, I've died and gone to Heaven, or this is something really, genuinely funny!"

"Yeah, what's going on?" Joe and Quentin both asked, not quite in unison. But close.

"Is…that what I think it is?" Hugh asked, motioning toward the figure on the ground and looking up at Sara.

Sara laughed. "Yes, I believe it is."

"Whoa!" Joe said, screeching to a halt once he got a glimpse of it. "I never thought I'd have to see one of those again!"

Everyone looked at Joe.

"I got one for my cousin as a joke, y'know? He's always joking about that kinda stuff, I thought it'd be funny," Joe shrugged."

Quentin raised a brow. "What exactly is it…?"

"It's one of those blow-up dolls, you know…" Jackie said, nudging him with her elbow. "It's called PlayTime Sally."

Sara just started laughing harder. "Obviously someone had had enough playtime with Sally."

After everyone laughed, Jackie looked over at Joe. "Which cousin is this…? Because I know your cousins…"

"He lives in Arizona, you've never met this one before," Joe told her.

"Oh really?" Jackie asked with a grin.

"Yes!" Joe said.

Quentin just laughed. "Come on man, she's just giving you a hard time."

"No I'm not!" Jackie said. "Come on, tell me! I need a name!"

Sara was about to join in on the conversation when her cell phone rang. Thinking it was her supervisor, she answered with her automatic phone greet; it was almost robotic. "Sidle."

"Hey Sara."

Sara froze when she recognized whose voice this was.

"…Grissom?" she asked.


	40. March 31, 2000 9:34 pm Bay Area Apart

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: Thank you all for being so patient in waiting for me to update this story! It really means a lot to me to know that people are still interested and anticipating updates! Here's the chapter where Sara arrives in Vegas:)**

**March 31, 2000 – 9:34 pm - Bay Area Apartment Complex **

"It's almost ten o'clock!" Jackie pointed out, watching Sara load her suitcases into the back of her car. "He can't possibly expect you to take a plane that doesn't leave until 10:30 and be in Vegas by tomorrow!"

"It's urgent, Jackie," Sara told her, throwing a suitcase into the trunk. Jackie was referring to the call Grissom gave Sara- it wasn't just a regular 'how are you' or 'how are the crickets chirping?'(Being the entomologist he was). "He wouldn't have asked me to do this if it wasn't something urgent."

Quentin leaned over and whispered something into Joe's ear whose face immediately lit up. While Sara was busy putting clothes in the back seat of her car Joe shared their little secret with Jackie who burst out laughing the second she heard it.

"What's so funny…?" Sara asked. That got her attention. "Talking about me?" she asked with a grin.

"Sara's got a crush on…" Jackie stopped in mid-song. "What's the guy's name…?"

"Wasn't it…Grissle or something like that?" Quentin asked, squinting as he tried to remember.

"Grissom," Sara corrected, slamming the trunk. "And I do _not_ have a crush on him, thank you very much Jackie Reesin," she told the other woman, folding her arms across her chest. "He held a seminar when I was in college and we became friends. We've kept in touch ever since."

Jackie held her hands up in surrender. "Fine, fine; you win."

Sara just grinned, satisfied that she had won the argument, and she turned around to continue loading her things into the car.

"Do you really have to go?" Joe asked. "All kidding aside…we're really going to miss driving you crazy."

"And switching your lunches with ours," Quentin added.

"And dragging you around town to clubs," Jackie finished.

Sara frowned, turning around to look at each of her friends. For the first time since Sara had come to Vegas she began to sense emotion from each of her friends. "Guys…I'm going to miss you; all of you," she said, looking back and forth between the three. "You guys…" she laughed a little, "Even though I fear I'll go insane if I spend a certain amount of time with you all alone in a room…I really am going to miss all of you. You're some of the only friends I've ever had…and…thank you," she finished with a smile.

Joe sniffled, dabbing at his eyes.

"Are you crying, Joe?" Jackie asked.

"I'm not crying!" Joe retorted. "I just have something in my eye's all!"

"Just go hug her, man…" Quentin told him, nudging him in the arm with his elbow.

Joe wiped his eyes with his sleeve, walking over to Sara hesitantly. Looking up at her, and then looking at the ground, he suddenly pointed to some random thing in the air. "What's that?" he quickly asked. Sara immediately looked away to see what he was pointing to and as she did so he wrapped his arms around her tightly, starting to cry.

"Aww…" Jackie said, walking over to the two. "Alright, Joe… you told her…"

"I'm really gonna miss you, Kid," Joe said. Being a man already in his forties, Joe had lost his daughter in a car accident years ago, and seeing someone as young and lively as Sara was had made him think of his daughter.

"I'm going to miss you too, Joe," Sara told him, lightly patting him on the back. Finally Joe let go and Quentin and Jackie both hugged Sara at the same time, forming a massive bear hug. "I'm going to miss you guys, too," Sara smiled.

"Call us sometime," Jackie said. "Don't get too caught-up with the boyfriend."

"That's right, you better call us or I'll send you an angry email or two," Quentin grinned.

Sara just laughed. "I promise I'll call you all…and I'll email you all."

Jackie laughed. "I bet you Joe will send greeting cards that have to do with fart jokes."

"Hey!" Joe said, not able to hide the smile on his face. "Alright, yes I will!"

Sara just laughed. "I'll look forward to those, Joe…"

"Well…" Quentin said, looking down at his watch. "You better go if you want to make the plane. It's already after ten."

"Okay…" Sara said, nodding a little. "Goodbye, guys," she told them all, hugging them once more before getting in her car and closing the door. Adjusting the rear-view mirror, Sara pressed her foot on the gas pedal and looked back at the three as she drove off, laughing as they were already back to their regular antics, joking and arguing with one another like little kids.

As much as Sara liked her job in San Francisco, she was absolutely ecstatic about going to Vegas. She knew she shouldn't be this excited… she was going in to handle the internal investigation of the shooting of one of the state's own forensic scientists, but… Grissom had specifically called _her_. He could've called anyone, including someone from the Vegas area, even, to handle this case. But he chose _her_, and that made her feel good. It made her feel… important…needed.

She was going to get to do what she loved to do in the number two crime lab in the country- that alone was reason enough to be excited, wasn't it? That, and… she was going to get to see Grissom…

But they were just friends…acquaintances.

Right…?

Yes, they were just good friends, Sara told herself. That's why she packed everything in less than thirty minutes, that's why she kept looking at herself in the mirror as if to make sure she looked good for a date. That's why she had butterflies in her stomach and that dopey tone to her voice on the phone.

_Back to business, Sara, back to business, _Sara tried to tell herself.

But what if she did have feelings for Grissom…? Did it really even matter? Grissom…was really the first man she ever really trusted away from home. He was one of the first men who hadn't tried to take advantage of her the second they were alone in a room together. They had so much in common… including their lack of experience in the social world.

No, Sara didn't have feelings for him; she couldn't. She was just tired, and…anxious, she tried to reason. That's why these thoughts were running through her mind.

Caught up in her thoughts, Sara failed to notice she had already made it to the airport and had parked in front of the doors in a no-parking zone. She practically screamed when a security guard knocked on her window. "Ma'am?" the guard asked. "Ma'am, I'm afraid you can't park here…"

Sara blinked, staring at the guard like they were crazy before the words registered in her brain and she remembered what she was doing and where exactly she was. "Oh! Right, I'm sorry, I… I apologize," Sara said, putting the car back in drive. "I'll go park somewhere else."

The guard just nodded and walked off and Sara pulled the car away from the curb, sighing to herself. She was just tired, was all.

Finally getting a parking space, Sara got out of her car and grabbed the papers Grissom had faxed to her from off the passenger's seat. Holding them between her teeth as she grabbed her suitcases from the trunk, Sara closed and locked up the car and started off toward the actual airport, lugging at least twenty-five pounds. _Alright…you're tired, but you've got to get to work tomorrow so you're going to go over these papers tonight regarding the case and have some coffee. As soon as you get to Nevada you can sleep,_ she told herself, walking through the double-doors of the airport. Looking around, she saw the right sign she was looking for and she walked off.

Once Sara made it to the right desk she got her ticket and was left to go find a place to sit in the waiting rooms. Being a bit late to the party (because she was caught up in her thoughts because of being 'tired'), there were only a few seats left in the room that was already much too small to accommodate so many people. Already have dropped off her suitcases at the front desk, Sara was able to sit without being directly crowded up against another person, so she chose a seat in the third row of seats in the waiting room and sat down.

Looking down at the papers Sara was going to read over for the case, she skimmed through the first page with her eyes. _Victim's name's Holly Gribbs… poor kid. She just graduated... she wasn't ready,_ Sara frowned to herself. _Gunshot wound sustained to the gut…massive bleeding, possible hemorrhaging. She was…sent to print the place,_ Sara sighed to herself. Simple print-job-gone-wrong…and it could cost this young girl her life.

"Hey Miss?"

Sara blinked, hearing someone speak for what seemed like the first time since she had sat down. Looking up, she saw a plump man with bright red cheeks and red hair smiling at her. "Can I help you, Sir…?" she asked, not really knowing what else to say.

"Are you going to Nevada?" he asked her.

"Oh, uh…yeah," Sara said, offering a polite smile.

"They're boarding us now," he told her, motioning toward the long line of people already getting on the plane.

"Oh!" Sara said, immediately getting to her feet. "Thanks," she told him, folding the papers up and putting them in her pocket as she searched around for her passport. Getting in line behind the man, she noticed him looking down at her passport and ticket.

"45C?" he asked her, looking at where her seat was. "That's funny, my seat is 44C."

Sara shot the man a small smile, wishing desperately for the line to move faster. The man seemed nice, she just… didn't like socializing that much. "Really? Well then I guess we'll be sitting together, Sir," she smiled, mentally cursing to herself. She really wanted to sit by herself… she didn't like sitting so close to people she didn't really know for extended periods of time. Besides, she wanted to read over the case files…and she couldn't do that if this man was going to sit and talk to her all night.

"Name's Bill," the red-haired man said, handing the woman at the desk his ticket and passport as the line moved up and it was their turn. "Meet you in the plane," he told her with a smile, walking off.

Sara shot him a weak smile, just nodding as she handed the woman her own passport and ticket. She didn't want to be rude, even though she really wasn't in the mood for talking. She couldn't just tell the man to shut his trap because she was going over important information about a shooting.

"45C," the woman told Sara with a bright smile, handing her back her passport.

_Thanks for reminding me,_ Sara thought. "Thanks," she told her, putting her passport back in her pocket as she walked into the small tunnel leading to the plane. _Focus, Sara, focus,_ she told herself. _Wait until he falls asleep to go over the files, and then you'll be able to have some peace,_ she thought, nodding to herself as she finally arrived at the plane.

"Welcome, Ma'am," one of the flight attendants greeted her. "Can I get you something? A blanket, a pillow, perhaps?"

"No thanks, I'm okay," Sara told her, walking down the aisle of the plane. Already she was feeling a bit claustrophobic; there were too many people in here, in a tight space, and once you were up in the air you were stuck…

"Hey!" came Bill's voice from at least six more rows of seats up. Sara looked up to see him waving at her and pointing to her seat. Great, she had the window seat, so that meant he was blocking her in having the aisle seat.

"Hi…" Sara said, the effort of smiling growing harder and harder which each second she was on the plane.

"Saved your seat, not that anyone's going to take it anyways," Bill said with a laugh, moving out of the way to let her sit down. Great, the man thought his jokes were funny, too.

Sara weakly laughed as she moved around Bill and sat down in her seat by the window, buckling herself in. Bill slid into the row and sat down next to her, his plump arms and legs taking up almost the entire row by themselves. Buckling himself in, he looked over at Sara who had tried to bury herself in one of the files she held in her hands while he was preoccupied. This did not faze him.

"Is this your first time flying?" he asked her.

Sara inwardly cringed; the sound of his voice was becoming one of the most painful sounds she had ever heard in her life and she actually compared the sound to a gerbil on helium. Instead of making a remark, Sara composed herself and prepared for a long night of non-stop chatter.

After about an hour or so into the flight, Sara caught a break. Bill had taken some pills he told her he had to take every day that he said made him drowsy. Slowly he slumped further and further into his seat until finally he grew limp except for the rise and fall of his chest.

Sara sighed in relief, silently thanking god that he was finally asleep and had stopped talking. Reaching in front of her, Sara took down her tray table and set out the papers Grissom had given her in neat stacks. She still had about another hour or two before they arrived in Nevada, so that gave her more than enough time to go over the files and get herself acquainted with the case.

_CSI Warrick Brown was to take CSI Gribbs to the location and remain at the scene with her as she collected evidence. About thirty minutes after CSI arrived at the scene dispatch was informed of a shooting taking place there. When uniforms arrived CSI Brown was MIA and CSI Gribbs was rushed to the hospital in critical condition._

_CSI Brown claims he told her he was going to run an errand._

So… from what Sara read this…Warrick guy… left a rookie all by herself at a crime scene to go run a personal errand. Already Sara didn't really like this Warrick guy… He was an experienced CSI, heck he had been in Vegas for a few years already. Holly Gribbs was a rookie, it was her first time out in the field and he left her there unsupervised. He should've known better, and his carelessness could cost this girl her life.

Sara went through a list of the crime-scene photos- documented were photos of the blood pool, some bullet slugs and shell casings… the blood pool was near where the girl had been dusting for prints. That told Sara that the suspect probably entered through the door of the room and surprised her, then pulled a gun out and fired. Judging by the amount of shell casings found at the scene that meant either the suspect missed a couple of times or she got off some shots of her own.

Sara's train of thought was interrupted by a loud, squeaky sound emitting from somewhere inside the plane. For a moment Sara was panicked; what if one of the tanks on the plane got punctured? Could it possibly damage the plane? Sara hoped not, because if the plane was damaged, then…

Before Sara could work herself into a frenzy, she realized that the squeak she heard was very much not a cause of a gas on the plane being punctured, however it was a gas. Bill, still fast asleep in the seat next to her, had passed gas. No wonder he had to take those pills he told her about; he had a flatulent problem.

Sara cringed, holding her breath. She knew this wouldn't spare her from the horrid smell as she had to breathe sometime, but…

Finally she had to breathe and it was just in time for him to release another wave of agonizing stench. Sara thought this must've been like what people in concentration camps had to go through; she could barely breathe and she probably looked like she was suffocating to the other people in the plane.

Looking down at the files in her hands, Sara found a good use for them at the moment and used them to fan the smell away from her. Doing so, however, made Bill stir, and she immediately stopped for fear of waking the man up. _This is ridiculous!_ Sara thought, finally unbuckling herself and getting up out of her seat. Before anyone could say or do anything to stop her, Sara had leapt out of her seat and made her way into the aisle. In a matter of moments she was heading down the aisles to find an empty seat.

Luckily for Sara there were a fair number of people who didn't show up at the airport, so she had a rather wide choice of seats to choose from. Choosing the first seat she saw, the aisle seat next to an old man who was sleeping, she sat down and re-buckled herself, taking a deep breath as she began reading over the files again.

She didn't get far, however, because she felt a small pressure on her shoulder before even getting through another paragraph. Looking over, she cringed as she discovered the old man leaning his head against her shoulder, his eyes closed and mouth wide open. His breath was bad enough, but to add to her discomfort the man was starting to drool. Sara looked around quickly, trying to find a flight attendant. "Ma'am!" Sara said, seeing one down the aisle. "Can I have a tissue, please?" she asked, sounding rather desperate.

Unfortunately the flight attendant did not hear Sara, so she had to fend for herself. Picking the papers up, she picked one she had already read through and held it to the man's mouth, watching as he drooled on the paper instead of her shoulder. Sara wanted to gag; saliva was one of the few things that could make her feel squeamish.

_You're drooling on my crime-scene notes!_ Sara thought, watching the man. Finally she had enough and she lightly nudged the man away from her with her elbow. Her efforts were graciously rewarded when the man snorted and moved his head away from her, resting it against the window near his seat. Sara looked down at her semi-soaked paper and threw it away as the flight attendant came by with a trash can.

Finally after an agonizing few hours in the plane, Sara arrived in Nevada. Eager to get out of the plane and get some fresh air away from the Bills and old-drooling men of the world, she almost knocked a few people down in her haste for freedom. Regardless of being in the back rows, Sara was one of the first people to exit the plane.

"Thank god," Sara sighed to herself once she was at the baggage claim. As soon as her suitcases made the round on the conveyor belt she grabbed them and was already out the door with her cell phone to her ear to call for a cab. The fresh night air of the Nevada hills was a refreshing greeting for Sara as she waited for the cab to arrive. Being stuck in that plane for three hours with a man with an unfortunate flatulent problem and a man who drooled all over her case files was not exactly pleasant.

Soon the cab had arrived and the driver got out helping Sara load her things into the car. Utterly exhausted from running around all night Sara collapsed in the back seat of the car, letting the driver load everything in by himself. Sara couldn't wait to get to the hotel… even though she didn't like hotels. All Sara wanted to do was sleep right now. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

As soon as the driver finished loading the car up he got in the driver's seat and turned around. "Where to, Miss?"

It was then Sara realized she hadn't booked a room in a hotel for the night. "…I'm sorry- it's my first time in Nevada…" Sara started. "Do you know of a hotel anywhere near the Las Vegas Crime Lab?" she asked him.

"As a matter of fact I do," he told her. "I'll take you there," he said, putting the car in drive as they started off.

"Thanks," Sara sighed, resting her head against the window on her door. She hadn't realized they were so close to Vegas for in moments they were driving down the Strip, the amount of flashing lights and people standing around on the sidewalks and curbs all foreign to her. Sure, Sara had seen pictures of Vegas, and she had seen ads on TV, but… she never imagined what it would look like in person.

In about twenty minutes they were at a Days Inn and the cab had stopped, the driver parking it right in front of the lobby office. "Thanks," Sara told him, handing him a twenty-dollar bill and going around the back of the car to get her things. The driver helped her lift her more-heavy suitcases.

"Honey, let me tell you somethin'," the driver started, setting one of her suitcases on the ground. "Now, Vegas is a big city," he told her, "Lots of things happen, both good and bad. You don't go wanderin' 'round late at night alone, you hear me?" he asked her, completely serious.

Sara shot him a warm smile, though she was still taken aback at the sternness of his tone. She was absolutely exhausted, why… why did he have to bring this up now? She just wanted to sleep… she didn't want to worry about things right now. She had been through enough in her life to know what to and not to do in a big city she had never been in before. "Thank you, Sir, but I'm actually with law enforcement, so I don't think my safety is going to be a problem," she told him, flashing her badge.

"Well, cop or no cop, Missy, I want you to be takin' good card of yerself," he told her, walking around to the driver's side of the cab after closing the trunk. "Have a good night, Miss," he finished, tipping his brown hat on his head and getting in the car.

"Thank you, Sir… you too," Sara said, nodding as he drove off. Despite Sara's exhaustion, she was able to lug every suitcase she had to the lobby in order to get a room; maybe it was the fact that she wanted to curl up in a nice warm bed so badly.

Almost immediately after walking into the lobby Sara got a room; she figured the receptionist must've noticed how exhausted she looked lugging around all her suitcases. Luckily she was put on the first floor so she wouldn't have to carry her things up any flights of stairs.

Sara took her room key from the woman- actually it was more like she snatched the key from the woman- greedily and almost ran to her hotel room, opening the door and throwing her legs into the room. After closing the door, Sara made sure all of her blinds and curtains were closed (you could never be too careful and what the cab driver said was starting to make her feel paranoid) before quickly changing into her pajamas.

But now came the tough part. Sara had her trusty bottle of Nonoxonyl 9 with her, and she never traveled without or laid a finger on a hotel bed without first using it, but… she really was exhausted.

Finally Sara decided it was better to be safe than sorry. After disinfecting the sheets of any spermicides, Sara crawled into bed and fell asleep almost instantly.

Sara Sidle's first night in Sin City.


	41. April 1, 2000 11:39 pm Hotel Monaco

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: I continue to thank you all IMMENSELY for your patience with my updates. Life has been a bit hectic lately, so I appreciate it :)**

**April 1, 2000- 11:39 am- Hotel Monaco- Las Vegas, Nevada**

There was nothing quite like the smell of cigarette smoke and liquor in the early morning that got the senses going, Sara always liked to say. In her line of work you were never always guaranteed a fresh pot of coffee waiting for you when you got to work, and very rarely when you arrived at a crime-scene, that was, of course, unless a citizen- usually a neighbor or friend of the victim- decided to provide the nourishment for local law enforcement as a preemptive 'I didn't do it'. But the second Sara stepped out of her Tahoe she knew right away that she was going to have to get used to this smell. The Vegas air reeked of it; it reeked of the stale smell of cash, alcohol, and stomped-out Marlboros.

The smell of Sin City.

After slinging her bag over her shoulder Sara started to walk through the over-crowded parking lot of the hotel Monaco in order to find Grissom who, as he said in his early-morning phone call, was currently here with one of his CSIs to gather evidence on a new case. Sara felt butterflies fluttering around in her stomach, and she had to assure herself that the only reason she felt this way was because of the thought of a new case; it always got the adrenaline pumping. But she knew that wasn't the _only_ reason…

Finally making her way through the maze of cars, Sara found herself in the front of the hotel, a smile tucking at the corners of her mouth as she noticed the yellow crime-scene tape hung up around a portion of the parking lot nearest the front. A large crowd of cheering people made her raise an eyebrow as she took a rather hesitant step forward; was this another Vegas side-show or just another display of the world's uncanny obsession with violence?

"Yes, yes." Wait. That voice… she knew that voice. That was _his_ voice.

Sara finally couldn't deny the smile that overtook her as she made her way through the crowd of people, feeling high as a kite on her own two feet. Finally stopping just in front of the crime-scene tape, she just watched him for a moment as he snapped photos with his camera of the fallen test-dummies that seemed to be falling from the sky. Now her smile turned into a sly grin; test-dummies. Sara couldn't _remember_ the last time she used test-dummies.

"Norman "fell"," Grissom finished as he took the last pictures of the third and final test-dummy.

Before Sara could even stop herself, her mouth opened and she started talking. "Wouldn't you if you were married to Mrs. Roper?" she asked, biting back a girlish giggle as she forced herself to maintain just a smile, nothing else.

"I don't even have to turn around," Grissom suddenly said, turning his body maybe not even 30 degrees to the right. "Sara Sidle."

She felt her heart skip a beat when he said her name. "That's me," she grinned, pulling her sunglasses off of her face just the slightest bit so she could see him normally without the brown tint of her lenses. She could've sworn he looked the exact same way he did that day at Harvard. He wasn't looking at her now with a camera in his hands, he was looking at her now with his tarantula Jeffrey she remembered his name being, sitting in his hands.

"Still tossing simulation dummies?" she couldn't resist teasing him. "There are other ways to tell, you know?" she asked, already knowing what he was going to say.

"How? Computer simulation?" he almost scoffed. "No thanks. I'm a scientist, I like to see it. Newton dropped the apple, I drop dummies."

Sara didn't think he dropped dummies. She thought he dropped hearts, in particular _her_ heart.

"You're old school," Sara smiled, shaking her head a bit.

"Exactly, and this guy was pushed," he replied.

Suddenly Sara reminded herself that this was not a time to catch up with old friends… this was about a more serious matter, in particular the shooting of one of Grissom's own CSIs. It wasn't like he called her to Vegas to catch up… he called her here to help with the investigation, and now it was time for her to do her job. "How's the girl?" she asked, almost having to restrain herself from using her first name. She hated using such terms to refer to the victims.

"She's still in surgery," Grissom told her, his eyes narrowing just a bit as he looked down at the ground. "She's not doing very well."

"That's too bad," Sara immediately replied with almost a sigh, following his gaze to the same patch of pavement to stare at. For a moment or two there was only silence.

"God, Sara, I have so many unanswered "whys"," Grissom sighed, finally averting his gaze from the ground back to her.

She had to hide her smile as she heard him say her name. "There's only one why that matters now," she told him matter-of-factly. "Why did Warrick Brown leave that crime-scene?"

Grissom stared at her intently for a minute, maybe even for a _few_ minutes, Sara didn't know exactly how long. All she knew was that his eyes were beautiful, absolutely beautiful; she got lost in his gaze every time he looked at her. Damn it, she thought, damn it. She didn't mean for this to happen. She had promised herself this wouldn't happen when she had gotten out of bed early in order to make herself look nice. She had promised herself she wasn't going to get lost in that blue enigma when she had sprayed her favorite perfume on. But right now his eyes were more than just an enigma… they were a whole sea; a whole sea of emotion, and Sara felt like she was out in the middle of it all in a small boat without a paddle.

But she didn't ever want to be found.

"How'd you sleep?" His voice startled her as she came back to shore, her eyes blinking rapidly as she tried to process his question. "I'm sorry to have called you on such short notice."

"Don't worry about it," Sara told him, smiling a little as she noticed the look in his eyes. Was that a hint of concern? Even the slightest bit? No, she reminded herself, of course not. Gil Grissom did not show emotion. But damn it, his _eyes_ did. But deciding not to mention the towel boy at the hotel who had flirted with her and before her mind could wander any further, she stopped herself. "Where do you need me?" she then asked, looking around the crime-scene.

"Well seeing how Norman doesn't exactly have anything to do with the shooting I'd like you to go back to the lab," Grissom told her with the slightest hint of a smile. "I want you to talk to Catherine Willows. Right now she's the lead on the case," he explained. "See what she's come up with."

"Alright," Sara said. And then it was back to business. Almost without saying goodbye Sara turned and walked off, heading back toward her Tahoe.

"Sara." She quickly turned around, once again startled by his voice. "…You forgot your bag," he said, shooting her a small shy and apologetic smile as he leaned down to pick it up.

"Oh," Sara said, trying to control the flush red color of her cheeks. "Thanks," she told him, taking it back and slinging it over her shoulder. Quickly turning around so he wouldn't notice, she abruptly walked back to her car, once again making her way through the maze of cars in the crowded parking lot. He watched her go with a smile.

Once in her car making her way toward the lab using the directions the people at the hotel she stayed at the night before had given her, Sara felt like she was driving around in a completely different universe. She felt… unnerved in a sense, almost uncomfortable in her own skin. She wasn't used to seeing strippers and hookers on every street corner, and she felt like they were all looking at her. She was pretty sure that her California license plates screamed tourist.

But this wasn't a battle of the stereotypes, so Sara turned back to the real task at hand looking back through the windshield only to discover that she was already at the lab and had managed with her body on auto-pilot to parallel park right in front of the building. Shaking it off, though, she got out of the car once she had killed the engine and stepped outside, feeling the warm sun beating down on her back. And for once in her life Sara welcomed the feeling of its warm rays; finally, something she was familiar with.

Once again slinging her bag over her shoulder, Sara closed up her car and headed up the long walkway toward the large building in front of her. It looked almost like a doctor's office; the walls and windows were sleek and professional-looking and the shrubs and vegetation outside the building provided a sense of humanism, almost. In bold black letters the Las Vegas Crime Lab was depicted, and she noticed a golden plaque proudly positioned just to the left of the front doors leading inside. She read the text engraved- _Conrad Ecklie, Lab Supervisor. _

Sara couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes. With a name like that Sara could already visualize the man in her mind; crisp, clean suit, short-cut hair, maybe even _no_ hair, and the most arrogant of expressions upon his face.

Finally opening the door, Sara headed inside and was greeted by the a/c unit blowing steadily just over her head. The floors were smooth tiled and almost looked like a fine stone such as granite from afar. The building looked much larger than it had from the outside and Sara smiled as familiar sounds and smells began to come back to her. She was once again surrounded by science, and that made her feel at ease.

After talking briefly to the receptionist named Judy judging by the nametag on her blouse, Sara headed down the hallways of the lab slowly, almost like she were taking a tour of the place like a true tourist would tour Vegas itself. The labs looked big and spacious and the tools and gadgets inside looked like pure gold to Sara's eyes.

Suddenly a door opened and a smoking figure came out, waving smoke out of their face as they coughed violently. Sara took a step back so that the person wouldn't actually hit her in the face with their flailing hands, and she just watched them for a minute as they wiped their face off with their sleeve. "Never mind, it didn't work!" they coughed to no one in particular. And then they caught a glimpse of Sara and Sara caught a glimpse of them.

The man in question was a quirky-looking labtech with spiky hair (actually spiky was a huge understatement). His white teeth were almost shocking as they rebelled against the black exhaust that covered his face. Sara noticed that almost his entire face lit up as he noticed her standing there. The man couldn't have been older than her; actually he looked like he could've been in his early-late twenties. "Well you must be Sara," he said, bowing slightly as he continued to try and clean off his face, almost frantically now.

"…Yeah," Sara managed to say, "Sara… Sidle," she said, shaking her head to compose herself. He reminded her so much of the people back in San Francisco, just so… free-spirited, so… fun.

"I'm Greg Sanders," he greeted with a smile, holding his hand out. Sara looked down at it hesitantly, shooting him a knowing smile when she saw the stuff on his hands. "Oh, right," he said, clearing his throat as he shot her another smile. "So you're Grissom's lady-friend?"

Sara once again tried to control the flushing of her cheeks as she looked away, throwing a momentary glance to the floor. The floor had been neglected, that's all, she wasn't shy, and she definitely wasn't _embarrassed_.

After a few more moments of flirting, Mr. Sanders finally let Sara go a bit reluctantly. Sara couldn't shake the goofy smile from her face as she headed down the hallway. Grissom had said Greg would be a character.

Finally spotting a room at the end of the hallway, Sara decided why not since her search for Catherine Willows had at this point come up empty. Turning the knob, she poked her head inside the rather dark room, spotting the familiar eerie glowing light coming from a computer monitor. She felt a bit relieved when she saw someone sitting at the computer. "Do you know where I can find Catherine Willows?"

The woman's eyes narrowed and Sara immediately got the 'back-off' vibe she had gotten so many times in her life. Without even looking up, the woman said, "She's out in the field."

There was the reluctance, and then there was the certainty that this woman was the one she was looking for. Looking down at the small notepad in her hand, Sara threw another almost cautious glance at the other woman before returning her gaze to the paper in her hand.

"Let me guess…" she said, as if finally acknowledging Sara's presence. "Sara Sidle?"

"I know who I am, I think you're a little confused," Sara said, offering a smile to try and lighten the tension in the room.

"If you think you're taking my case… forget it," Ms. Willows immediately hissed, obviously not amused at Sara's fetal attempt at lightening the mood.

Sara mentally sighed, looking up at the ceiling, as if telling herself not to shoot back a smart remark. She had dealt with people like this before and she would do it again. "Look, we can sit here and argue, or… we can get out there and find out who did this to Holly Gribbs," Sara said simply, keeping her tone calm and steady. "Two sharp women are better than one."

After the other woman considered this for a moment, Sara's efforts were rewarded when she noticed her grabbing one of the clear evidence bags from off the desk in front of her. Maybe she had actually made a friend. "Pager," she explained, taking it out of the bag with her gloved hand. "Found at the crime-scene."

Sara went back into full CSI-mode, walking over to the desk and standing behind Catherine's shoulder to look at what she was working on. "Where'd you get the pager next?" she asked with a slight smile.

"Grissom. He won it on e-bay."

Of course, Sara thought with a smile.

"They're great for tracing if you can rely on the suspect's honesty," Sara said, looking at the computer monitor.

"Uh…" Catherine sighed a bit. "Desmond Tutu."

"See what I mean?" Sara asked. "Don't feel bad," she then said, "My last four traces came back Eminem, so…" She laughed a little. "Look, you seem to have everything under control here," she then added. Catherine Willows liked to be in control of her cases, from what Sara could see, and she couldn't blame her. She was the same way. "Where can I find Warrick Brown?"

"Try one of the casinos on Blue Diamond Road," the other woman replied almost without any hesitation at all.

Sara just nodded and headed toward the door, but the other woman's voice stopped her.

"Oh, I'll page you with any information," she told her.

Sara just smiled as she headed out of the room, both at the thought of making a friend and the irony of the woman's statement. But as soon as she got outside the room her smile turned into a frown as she thought of what she was going to have to do next. Now it was time to interview Warrick Brown, and that was something Sara was not looking forward to, to say the least. At the moment, Warrick Brown was a suspect, and Sara never liked having to interview suspects. But he wasn't only a _suspect_, he was a _CSI_.

After heading outside Sara got in her car and drove off, actually praying that she even knew where Blue Diamond Road was. But to her surprise, and relief, it wasn't far and definitely wasn't hard to find off the Strip. Finding a parking space, Sara actually wasn't so sure she had ever seen so many casinos in one place in her entire life.

Picking the one her car was parked closest to, Sara once again slung her bag around her shoulder, closing her car door as she walked around her car to the sidewalk. Entering through the door, Sara actually felt a bit disoriented. Cigarette smoke clouded the air and the bright lights and colors were all foreign to her, and she once again felt like an outsider. But she was, she then thought. Sara had gone to a casino for her eighteenth birthday, but that casino was nothing like this casino. This was Vegas alright.

Finally realizing how big the building was after a few minutes of aimless walking, Sara sighed to herself, wondering how she was actually going to find Warrick when she saw him. She didn't think she could pick out just one person in a crowd this big- there were simply too many people to be able to do so.

About to turn around and head back to the entrance to try the next casino, Sara spotted someone sitting at a blackjack table that she soon identified as the man she was looking for. Taking a step toward him, she just watched for a minute as he sat slumped-back in his chair, cards in-hand.

"You're up 11 G's. Hit or stay?" the dealer asked him.

Before Warrick could reply, Sara beat him to it. "Stay. I want to talk to you."

Warrick immediately looked over at Sara, actually looking a bit shocked to see her there.

From there Sara drove both herself and a very reluctant Warrick Brown to a coffee shop near the casino. She didn't want to talk to him in the casino because it was too loud and distracting, and she suspected that if she had let him continue playing the cards he would have completely ignored her altogether. This way, he couldn't just get back into the game. He _had_ to pay attention to her.

But before they were able to even sit down, Sara's pager went off. Looking down at it, she shook her head, looking back down at the ground as she put it down.

_Gribbs didn't make it._

Once they were sitting down, Sara watched as he held a cup of coffee almost gingerly between his hands, looking down at the counter in… something- shame, or… embarrassment, or…shyness. She couldn't tell. "You were playing $100 on every spot. You have a system?" Sara finally asked to break the silence.

"I'm counting cards," he finally spoke.

"Isn't that illegal?" Sara retorted.

"Not if you do the math in your head," he said in almost a mumble. Sara now realized that she was going to have a bit of trouble getting along with this man. She had been told before by many people that she had a stubborn quality about her, something that was both a gift and a curse. She now noticed that Warrick Brown had the exact same quality, and two people with the same sense of stubbornness didn't mix. It was like oil and water.

"You play anything else?" Sara asked.

"I bet sports from time to time," he admitted.

"So… let me get this straight," Sara started, reaching into her bag for her notepad. She could feel his eyes boring into the back of her head as she turned away. "You were assigned by Brass to shadow a trainee, a robbery comes up on MLK and you go for coffee." Sara knew that every word she said was digging into the man like daggers.

"An officer was there," he said firmly.

"So you felt safe to leave? Do you know the policies and procedures for clearing a scene?" Sara asked.

"Yes," he said, almost snapped.

"Then why'd you leave? I mean what was so important that you had to rush out of there?" Sara persisted.

"I told you," he said, "I went for coffee."

"Was that before or after you made your bets?" Sara finally asked. That got his attention. "Sunday… Vegas… NFL football… guy like you… come on, you trying to tell me that you didn't make a little pit stop?"

He remained silent.

"Look at me," Sara demanded, "Did you log on… tell dispatch where you were going?"

"Do you know how many times I've been left alone at a crime-scene when I was a rookie?" Warrick finally snapped, turning around and looking at her.

"Yeah, well this time is different," Sara said.

"Yeah, why's that?" he scoffed.

"Holly Gribbs died on the operating table twenty minutes ago."

And then there was silence.


	42. End

**Title: The Life & Times of Sara Sidle**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: (You all know by now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters!**

**A/N: Thank you again to all who have read and reviewed this story. This is going to be the last installment of 'The Life & Times of Sara Sidle' before I start a new story going into Vegas years. The reason I'm doing this is so the events in Sara's early life and adult life (in Vegas) are more organized (and so the story isn't 50+ chapters ;)). From the bottom of my heart I thank all of you as L&T is a very special story to me. It's a big accomplishment to me to finish this installment. Enjoy guys!**

Las Vegas was known as the town that could bring out the darker side of people, the devil within, the… malicious intent hidden deep within our souls. Sara now knew that saying to be true. Vegas was turning out to be quite a task, from adapting herself to her new surroundings to shrugging off the remarks of her new coworkers. The crimes she had dealt with back in San Francisco were nothing compared to the crimes she dealt with in Vegas.

Shortly after the Holly Gribbs investigation Sara had made amends with Catherine and Warrick and they quickly became friends. Nick had let down his walls and accepted her into the group and Greg was still falling all over himself to impress her. They were different than most people she knew, but she liked that. Finally, people were starting to accept Sara Sidle for who she was.

Grissom was keeping an eye on her from time to time to make sure she was okay and didn't get lost in Vegas. Catherine had invited her to dinner quite a few nights followed by Nick and Warrick taking her out for drinks after shift. They were all great people and Sara had to admit they were bringing out the best in her. Every time she smiled, every time she laughed, every time she cried, they were there to acknowledge it. They were there to laugh with her, to smile with her, to help her back on her feet when she fell.

And within herself Sara was so proud that she was able to accomplish this all. She was able to open herself up to these people and be accepted into the group. She knew the first time she came to Vegas they all thought she was just new meat, that woman Grissom had brought in from California. Now she was a member of the team. Sara liked to think she was a part of something… something important to _everyone_.

There were still the days she went home and cried, there were still those days she opened the six-pack in her fridge she had promised herself she wouldn't touch but bought out of spite. But when she went home to her empty apartment at night and curled up between her blankets in her bed, she didn't feel so alone. The emptiness wasn't there anymore. And she thought… perhaps it was because she knew all she had to do was pick up the phone and call Catherine or Nick and ask them if they wanted to do something. They always agreed. And that reassurance itself made her feel warm.

She also felt as though she had crossed the line between being an interrupted girl that came from a broken family to becoming a well-respected professional of the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Bureau. She was the only one in her family to make something of herself. The _only_ one. For a while her mother had been working at a bank at a teller, but that never went anywhere. Laura Sidle had quit her job to 'spend more time with her children' and Sara knew exactly how that went.

Sara, even as a child, was afraid of becoming her mother. She was young but mature enough to know what was going on in her home, and whenever her mother had picked up that brown bottle in the kitchen she had made a promise to herself to never become that way. She was going to make something of herself and she was going to live a life outside the liquor store. Her father wasn't any better, there weren't any words needed to describe the way he was.

She wasn't an alcoholic. She wasn't a murderer. She wasn't crazy.

She _had_ been abused. She _had_ been beaten. She _had_ been raped.

But she was a survivor, and among that all that was what was the most important of all.

"Hey girl, how are you doing?" Warrick's voice brought her back to her senses as she blinked a few times and realized she was sitting in the locker room at the lab. "You doin' okay?"

She couldn't help the smile that made its way onto her face. He was concerned. "Yeah, just thinking," She told him, "What's up?"

"I had that bastard's ass, you know that?" he asked her, putting his jacket away in his locker. "I hate lawyers. Defense attorneys, trial lawyers, judges—"

"Oh, give it a _rest_, Warrick," Nick said, appearing through the doorway. "Let it go, man," he told him, opening up his own locker.

"I had his ass, Nick!" Warrick said in protest, "And that… that lawyer… Crocker? He claims the arrest Brass made was in violation of the suspect's constitutional rights."

"What?" Sara blinked, "The arrest was made outside, right?"

"Yeah!" Warrick said, eyes wide, "And now we've got to deal with the DA."

"You'll get him," Catherine said, walking into the locker room, "You always do."

"But—" Warrick was about to protest when Catherine but in.

"You guys want to go get some drinks?" she asked, "Lindsey's at my mothers', I'm sure they're having a _blast_," everyone could sense the hint of sarcasm in her voice, "I'm buying."

"I'm in," Nick said, closing his locker. "I could use one."

"You know I'm in," Warrick said, "After hearing that lawyer talk all day it's giving me a headache."

They all turned and looked at Sara. "Sara? You coming?" Catherine asked.

Sara just smiled brightly, nodding her head as she closed her locker, getting to her feet. "I'm in."

**The End**


End file.
